trueluV Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I've met this person(man) through an event where he and i were helping out. I've noticed him since last year and thought he was pretty attractive, but never had a chance to talk, but last sunday, i said hi to him and we started a conversation. we talked for quite a while, and later he gave me his card and i emailed him the next day telling him it was nice talking to him. and he replied to me the following day suggesting to get together. the question is: he's 15 years older than me, in his 40's, i've never gone out or hung out with a guy that old (for friendship/relationship), so i don't know how to deal with or take this. do you think he's interested in me also, or was he just being friendly by replying to my email? what do you think?
USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 If he suggested that you get together, then yes, I'd say he's interested. If you are interested too, it wouldn't hurt to take him up on his offer. Personally, I think it's kind of weird...and icky...but to each their own... Go for it!
Author trueluV Posted February 13, 2010 Author Posted February 13, 2010 Personally, I think it's kind of weird...and icky...but to each their own... Go for it! what do you think is weird? and why...?
skydiveaddict Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 Not weird at all. if you like him give it a shot!
USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 what do you think is weird? and why...? I used to be rather indifferent to big age gaps when I was younger (like when I was 10) and didn't care, but being in my mid-20's now, seeing women my age go for guys in their 40's (and honestly even in their 30's) weirds me out... I dunno...perhaps it's a bit of jealousy...wondering what the older guys had that I didn't...what makes them more appealing than I'd be...who knows...
Author trueluV Posted February 13, 2010 Author Posted February 13, 2010 I used to be rather indifferent to big age gaps when I was younger (like when I was 10) and didn't care, but being in my mid-20's now, seeing women my age go for guys in their 40's (and honestly even in their 30's) weirds me out... I dunno...perhaps it's a bit of jealousy...wondering what the older guys had that I didn't...what makes them more appealing than I'd be...who knows... Thanks for your answer. I agree with you somehow- i never imagined myself finding a guy in his 40's attractive to me, and didn't understand girls going for them. my last date was 5 years younger than me, and my ex boyfriend a younger guy also. so this is quite a big "transition" for me. i think when you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to the person itself, not noticing the details like age, nationality, etc...(or it's just me)
USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 Thanks for your answer. I agree with you somehow- i never imagined myself finding a guy in his 40's attractive to me, and didn't understand girls going for them. my last date was 5 years younger than me, and my ex boyfriend a younger guy also. so this is quite a big "transition" for me. i think when you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to the person itself, not noticing the details like age, nationality, etc...(or it's just me) In the case of women going for older men, and this will be a pretty big general statement on my part, I think they're often more attracted to the "details" associated with age than the person himself...i.e. money, power, career, property and other shiny trinkets, "experience", etc. And I think another reason it weirds me out is that these men seem to use this fact to their advantage...it almost creates a power imbalance between them and the younger women...and women eat it up...and the men KNOW this... But it's just my opinion.
Author trueluV Posted February 13, 2010 Author Posted February 13, 2010 In the case of women going for older men, and this will be a pretty big general statement on my part, I think they're often more attracted to the "details" associated with age than the person himself...i.e. money, power, career, property and other shiny trinkets, "experience", etc. And I think another reason it weirds me out is that these men seem to use this fact to their advantage...it almost creates a power imbalance between them and the younger women...and women eat it up...and the men KNOW this... But it's just my opinion. i get your point. as i've said, it was just my personal opinion, and i am quite a "romanticist" from what you're saying, if that's the case, then i don't think it's pure or true love. of course money and power and all that can be attractive, but those are the minor things...girls can go for that and can date an older men, but are they really in love?? anyway, just my thought. but i see where your point is coming from.
USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 i get your point. as i've said, it was just my personal opinion, and i am quite a "romanticist" I am also a big romantic at heart...but I've started learning that sometimes the world just doesn't work like we'd like it to... from what you're saying, if that's the case, then i don't think it's pure or true love. of course money and power and all that can be attractive, but those are the minor things...girls can go for that and can date an older men, but are they really in love?? anyway, just my thought. but i see where your point is coming from. All I have to do is cite the ~50% divorce rate in the US...enough said...unfortunate, but true...
Author trueluV Posted February 13, 2010 Author Posted February 13, 2010 I am also a big romantic at heart...but I've started learning that sometimes the world just doesn't work like we'd like it to... All I have to do is cite the ~50% divorce rate in the US...enough said...unfortunate, but true... the guy I'm interested in, i don't know him well yet, but is an artist and i'm attracted to his "pure mind". I think he is a good guy i still can't believe myself getting excited for getting together with him next week! i asked my friend today how i should be "behaving", since i'm attracted to him but at the same time he is older (and obviously i can't just do the same things i do with my age group friends), ...so, any thoughts on this? just be myself? i know...but can i have more details? thanks
USMCHokie Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 the guy I'm interested in, i don't know him well yet, but is an artist and i'm attracted to his "pure mind". I think he is a good guy i still can't believe myself getting excited for getting together with him next week! i asked my friend today how i should be "behaving", since i'm attracted to him but at the same time he is older (and obviously i can't just do the same things i do with my age group friends), ...so, any thoughts on this? just be myself? i know...but can i have more details? thanks This is why I think all of this is so weird...why do you think you have to "behave" a certain way...? Just be yourself!!! You shouldn't have to change the way you are for him, regardless of whether it's because of his age or whatever it is... If you want him to be interested in you, make sure it's you he's interested in... I understand that there are going to be a few differences because of the age gap...and I guess that's another reason why it's weird for me...but I guess some people deal with it or just get over it...
meerkat stew Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 And I think another reason it weirds me out is that these men seem to use this fact to their advantage...it almost creates a power imbalance between them and the younger women...and women eat it up...and the men KNOW this... But it's just my opinion. Is it possible that what you see as a power imbalance is actually the tables leveling after many years of imbalance the other way? OP didn't say anything about his trappings, but that she found him attractive. I'd say sure, go out if you want. Unless you have a definite preference not to date older, opportunities to meet new people should not be discounted, even if there is no romantic future, increasing social network never hurts.
jqb05443 Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I am 31 and I always said I would never date a guy older than 37 and even that is pushing it for me. But I am currently head over heels for a coworker who is 47. He is sooo handsome and I think he is fantastic. I never thought EVER thought that I would find someone that old attractive or interesting. BUT I do. He has asked me out to lunch a few times and asked me to dinner which I agreed to go to but we haven't set a definitive date yet.
In_Repair Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 In the case of women going for older men, and this will be a pretty big general statement on my part, I think they're often more attracted to the "details" associated with age than the person himself...i.e. money, power, career, property and other shiny trinkets, "experience", etc. And I think another reason it weirds me out is that these men seem to use this fact to their advantage...it almost creates a power imbalance between them and the younger women...and women eat it up...and the men KNOW this... But it's just my opinion. That's a pretty common assumption for people. I was actually worried about it myself when my girlfriend and I started dating. In my case though, as far as having money, dude I'm a separated man in the process of rebuilding his finances. Power? I'm just a normal guy. I have physical power, and I tend to act very "alpha" around other men, but I have no real power over anyone. My career? I supervise production and R&D for a manufacturing company. It pays the bills, but it's not exactly a job you go around bragging about. Property? The little that I truly own is all still tied up in my marriage. My point is that either my girlfriend is retarded, or she isn't after any of that stuff. You also listed experience too though, and I'll give you that one. She says she now realizes that men her age are still little boys for the most part and she couldn't go back now. I'm not saying that you are wrong in all instances, but even in the cases where you are correct, BOTH parties are usually being used. A sugar daddy couldn't be a sugar daddy without the young little bimbo hanging on his arm. Most of the couples I have met who are in similar situations as my girlfriend and I have been just like us though. Normal people who just "connected", and then things grew from there. I guess I should also mention that I grew up paying little attention to age. Two of my best male friends IRL are 13 and 15 years older than me. Over the last year I have dated women from 21 to 47 years of age. Plus I'm from a large family with substantial age gaps between siblings, and this is common with some of them too. I have a 19 year old brother that lives with a 37 year old woman. I have a 20 year old sister that just started dating a 32 year old man, and a 45 year old sister that lives with a 28 year old man. As long as it works for the people involved...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Just let your hair down and have a good time. Don't pretend to be anybody you're not, and I'm sure that he is anticipating being out with the "you" he sees in other situations. It's OK to talk about things that people your age naturally talk about, and it is OK for you to let your mind wander to a future place when he is expressing various concerns about his own world. Talk about the age difference if you want to, but if you are each presenting yourselves comfortable at your true ages, I think you'll do fine. As soon as you catch either yourself, or him lying, then I think your mutual interest will have run its course.
tami-chan Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I used to be rather indifferent to big age gaps when I was younger (like when I was 10) and didn't care, but being in my mid-20's now, seeing women my age go for guys in their 40's (and honestly even in their 30's) weirds me out... I dunno...perhaps it's a bit of jealousy...wondering what the older guys had that I didn't...what makes them more appealing than I'd be...who knows... Experience. Many women think older men have "been there, done that" and are ready to settle down-no more games..not sure if that is actually true.
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