babybear9 Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 i have been in what I thought was a wonderful relationship. It has been long distance with plans in place for me to move next month. We have been together for 3 years now and we 'were' engaged. Three days ago he told me that he did not think it was going to work. I prodded him further and asked if he still loves me. He said he did not. This is the most excruciating pain I have felt. I swear I feel love for him I never thought I would - I am 37 - I have been in love before. This was different. We talked countless times about how it was just the way love is supposed to be. And everyone we know thought we were perfect for each other. We were. I don't understand. How could he love me the way he said he did all along and then just stop? I cannot stand this pain. It is taking all I have to get out of bed, to work and especially to resist the urge to contact him - beg him to reconsider. Help - please.
LostInLimbo Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I don't wanna hurt your feelings cause I know how hard it is what your going through, I don't think it all just stop suddenly, it sounds like he has felt that way for awhile...Love just doesn't stop..... LiL
curiousnycgirl Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 Babybear I am so sorry you are going through this, I really am. Lost is probably right - for him this probably wasn't so sudden. We all ask these questions when our hearts are broken. Truth is there is nothing our exes can say that is going to make sense to us, make us feel better, or make the pain go away. The ONLY thing you should be thinking about right now is YOU What he is doing or thinking or feeling is completely irrelevant at this point. It's all about YOU. How you are feeling, what you can do to make you feel better and what you can do to heal yourself.
scienceguy Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I don't understand. How could he love me the way he said he did all along and then just stop? When a person breaks up, it is rarely a quick or simple decision. Typically the dumper/breaker-upper will spend a lot of time before the moment, and he will weigh out how he feels about the relationship, how he feels about a future with you, etc. Once he has decided that he doesn't want it anymore, he will begin a very long and gradual process of emotionally detaching himself from you (I should note that the decision to end a relationship and the process of detaching one from it are not separate things. They can occur together.). The reasons he broke up with you are ones only he knows, and even then, the situation is simply too complex and overwhelming for him to deal with that he may not have an answer as well. Anyways, once he has completely said "goodbye" to you and everything you two have, then he will end it. It's about as simple as that. Put differently, think about how you would end a relationship if you knew you had to do it. Would you just tell him immediately? Probably not. You'd spend a lot of time asking yourself questions like the following: do I love him? Are we happy together? Am I okay with him not being a part of my life? Once you can answer all these questions, then you'd end it. Again, think about relationships and what they really are. Any long term relationship is about building something together with another person. You'd not going to let go until you have detached yourself from all of it. He did just that. I'm truly sorry you have to go through this type of experience. I know all too well what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a break up while you are deeply in love with the other person. It really is one of the worst, most excruciating experiences of my life. Unfortunately, you cannot do anything to fix these things. To make any meaningful emotional connection, you have to take a risk, and in this case, you got burned. This is just how things turned out, and you have learn to move on. You can lean on friends, family and others for support. You can allow yourself some time to grieve and cry over him. Follow Caliguy's advice about going no contact as well. In the end, you'll just have to endure. It's something that will work itself out on its own time.
brokenporcelain Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 (edited) Life is tough. There are times of great joy and times of great sorrow. Sometimes we inflict the pain on others and sometimes others inflict the pain on us. I don't think you got "burned" but indeed your love one left you out of the loop. This person did not communicate any feelings and concerns to let you know what was going on. That was not fair to you. But this is a sensitive topic and that must be why nothing was really discussed. Give this person some time and space. And slowly approach this person to see if a mature conversation could be held. I think you deserve to hear the truth. When it is possible have an open chat that will allow both of you to put things on the table and clear them up. =D goodluck, I really hope your love one opens up and share those inner-most thoughts. I think that would really make a difference. Edited February 13, 2010 by brokenporcelain
Angel1111 Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 Aw, I'm so sorry. Even if this is something he's been thinking about for awhile, it seems you're pretty blindsided by this. It's so sad, making plans to be together and all. I know your heart must be breaking into a million pieces. I don't have anything to say - just want to say I'm sorry you're hurting so much and that this happened. Hugs, sweetie.
abdellost Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 You all said something similar in my last thread, that the partner slowly deattached themselvs and thought of breaking it off before hand. Thing is, i dont get how that person is all over you every day before the break up, hugging you, wont let go of your hand or arms. Kissing your arms as much as they can (public, and not in an open minded country). and tell u never to let them go. They would cry the day before the break up because of a dumb fight that made her/him feel that one day you can leave them, that you can actually stop wanting them. And then you promise you wont, and u hug them. and then they text message that same night crying cause they miss you,cant live without you, want you to be with them holding them tight. NEXT DAY, bam, they dont think its going to work out in the future, they been lying to themselves saying they are who they are, but they feel that they lost themselves after 5 years. and then bam,they "dont know" if they still love you. Just when they were saying "i cant live without loving you" the day before. Life is weird my friends...
USMCHokie Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 then bam,they "dont know" if they still love you. Just when they were saying "i cant live without loving you" the day before. And this is why words are merely that...words... Actions are what are important...
famke Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 hello girl, I'm sorry for your pain. I am going through the Exact same thing as you.. seriously. when I met my ex it was love at first sight. He was sooo crazy about me, saying I was everything he wanted and he loved me soo much. Then at some point it all turned around. when in the beginning he would call me many times a day, wanted me ever single person in his family, wanted to go with me to berlin and paris. Then he suddenly changed 100%. He said he wasn't in love anymore. I was left heart broken. I still don't understand it, I don't think I'll ever will. But it doesn"t matter, I moved on with my life and I became a whole different person because of the break up. what you need to do is: --> first of all... believe him. Let his message sink in... He doesn't love you anymore. I know it sucks to hear it. but you have to hear it and also believe it. Believe him when he says he doesn't love you. --> then you have to keep your pride. stop contacting him from now on. every time you're tempted to contact him.. think of what he said.. *he doesn't love you anymore* don't contact him. Hold your head high and just walk away. I don't know you.. but you seem like a nice girl. so i'm just going to say it: you're a great girl, you're a superwoman! you deserve to be with someone who loves you.. really loves you.. unconditionally. life is short, don't dwell on this guy for to long. please.. accept it and move on as soon as you think you are ready.
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