Ilovecake Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 but this is kind of irking me. I was with my ex for 4 years and not once did he acknowledge Valentine’s Day. As a matter of fact he never acknowledged my birthday and never got me anything for Christmas. During the year he would go on and on about all this outrageous stuff he wants to get me for whatever holiday but when the day would come I never got a thing, not even a flower or a card. His excuse would be that holidays don't mean anything to him and that I’m just being materialistic. The thing is I always told him don't get me expensive gifts just something little and special to show me you care, like a flower or write me a post it note and leave it on my pillow. He would say I’m special to him all year round and he shouldn’t have to prove it. Bullcrap!! As a matter of fact I always felt like on those special days he was just a little meaner to me then the rest of the year. I always had the feeling he was doing that on purpose to hurt me. Come to find out he is doing all this cutesy, nice stuff for his new girlfriend this year and it's making me hate him even more. I know you guys don't know him so you can't answer this but it's bothering me as to why he acted that way with me throughout the whole relationship but not with this girl. I can understand if he was a sadistic psycho but if that is the case wouldn’t he be like that with everyone? If he did this simply because he didn’t like me and wanted to hurt my feelings why would he beg me to move in with him and then stick around for all those years? I guess it’s like wondering why did he cheat on me but not her. There really isn’t an answer that would make me feel better is there?
sean1 Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 listen the truth will hurt so if you dont want it dont read on...but i believe this is most likely what happened....you can just skip to the last point if you like either he used you completly from the offset.basically he wanted togain experience and have someone to practice on. you know learn from your mistakes and basically wait for your dream girl to turn up then your ready for her. or maybe he was cheating on you the hole time. the reason you never got anything is because the other girl did. it doesnt sound right what hes been saying to you.sounds a lil strange to me. and especially the fact hes buying gifts for the new girl. lastly HE IS AN ABSOLUTE *********! hes a complete player and doesnt deserve to have someone like you. how can you turn around and say he shouldnt have to prove he loves you? omg it cost £50 to go for a romantic meal. that really isnt alot. but at least its something to show you he cares! i say your wasting every second of your life even thinking about him. hes selfish self centered and deserves nothing from a woman. dont waste your time and effort. my advce move on and forget about him. let yourself heal.although seriosuly that shouldnt take long. there will be a man that will treat you somuch better. love you and treat you like the princess you are to him! so become best friends with yourself again! make sure your healthy and looking good and im sure mr right will find you!
paleblue Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 it is completely irking. i am sure it bothered you always but you had faith in what he was telling you at the time. it happens to all of us at one point or another -we get taken for a ride. he said you are being materialistic because you wanted him to write you a post-it note? ahhh, you were not the problem. he was. it was on purpose. dont worry - what comes around goes around - i hope she dumps him and he cries. than i hope he contacts you and you tell him so sad to bad, get lost. and then maybe he will cry even more. he sounds like a bully - that is prob why he was doing it to you. maybe this new girl put up a different kind of front and he is trying to make her vulnerable too. you will never know what goes thru some ppl's heads. i guess it is better that this didnt happen if something became more serious between you two - like moving in or buying.
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 My ex did that too. He'd go on and on about what I could get him for different holidays, then would get me either nothing or something he probably ripped off. He brought me a bunch of flowers I found out later he stole from a cemetery. LOL ... I can laugh now, someday you will too. Sooner or later he'll treat the new girl just like he treated you, they always do.
paleblue Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 He brought me a bunch of flowers I found out later he stole from a cemetery. no way....
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 Oh yes he did! I shudder to think of what else he did that I never found out about.
paleblue Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 Oh yes he did! I shudder to think of what else he did that I never found out about. id be shuttering too. i cant even begin to describe how wrong that is.
GrayClouds Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 but this is kind of irking me. I was with my ex for 4 years and not once did he acknowledge Valentine’s Day. As a matter of fact he never acknowledged my birthday and never got me anything for Christmas. During the year he would go on and on about all this outrageous stuff he wants to get me for whatever holiday but when the day would come I never got a thing, not even a flower or a card. His excuse would be that holidays don't mean anything to him and that I’m just being materialistic. The thing is I always told him don't get me expensive gifts just something little and special to show me you care, like a flower or write me a post it note and leave it on my pillow. He would say I’m special to him all year round and he shouldn’t have to prove it. Bullcrap!! As a matter of fact I always felt like on those special days he was just a little meaner to me then the rest of the year. I always had the feeling he was doing that on purpose to hurt me. Come to find out he is doing all this cutesy, nice stuff for his new girlfriend this year and it's making me hate him even more. I know you guys don't know him so you can't answer this but it's bothering me as to why he acted that way with me throughout the whole relationship but not with this girl. I can understand if he was a sadistic psycho but if that is the case wouldn’t he be like that with everyone? If he did this simply because he didn’t like me and wanted to hurt my feelings why would he beg me to move in with him and then stick around for all those years? I guess it’s like wondering why did he cheat on me but not her. There really isn’t an answer that would make me feel better is there? Here is a thought, you gave him true and profoundly deep love. He was someone who never had it as a child because of family issues. As a result when he finally got it as an adult from you, his reaction was to inflict his anger and hurt on you as a surrogate to those who really deserved it. This is pure projection but the main point is likely his behavior towards you was a by product of who he was, issues he has, and reflected of his inner pain. It is less of a question why did he do this to me, as it is a question why does he do this. If you understand that then it is no longer about trying to find your flaws that caused his behavior. And the harder you work now you improve yourself the easier it is to understand.
Author Ilovecake Posted February 13, 2010 Author Posted February 13, 2010 Thanks for your very insightful replies. I guess what I should be asking is why I allowed it, but I guess in a round about way that's what I'm trying to figure out. It's hardly an issue of what does this girl have over me. I can't even compare out two worlds, I'm old enough to be her mother. I just wonder, as does a large percentage of the posters here, how a person can one minute be so adamant about wanting to share his life with you and on the other hand completely get off on seeing you hurting. Personally I could not live with the guilt if I treated someone like that and especially if it was just to feed my ego.
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