bittersweet memories Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 If you read this forum a lot, you will see that "just about sex" is no small thing. It's a big thing. A very, very big thing. So don't try to distinguish if it's "just about sex" or it's "about love." Men feel love and connectedness through sex. I dont agree look at prostitutes thats about sex and men don't usually feel love and a connection with them. I would worry about the combination of emotional / Physical (sex) now thats a different story.
Angel1111 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 This sounds extremely similar to my situation with xMM. We exchanged hundreds of emails over a short period of time and within a few months, we were sleeping together. There wasn't any dirty talk but he did a lot of things to keep me connected to him - emails, text messages, phone calls. He told me that when we were in a meeting once, he was talking to a group of people and he said that when I crossed my legs, his mouth went dry and he had to pretend to read his notes so that he could compose himself. I had no idea I had this effect on him. He told me about how he remembered the first time we met - it had been 3 yrs before our affair. He remembered every detail, even what I was wearing. It sounds to me that your husband is just as obsessed with this woman as my xMM was with me. Within another few months of sleeping together, we were head over heels in love. He started to lose weight and we were both incredibly distracted by one another, to the exclusion of almost everything else. Our affair went on for nearly five years, off and on, with an intense emotional connection. I broke it off with him numerous times, only to be drawn back in because he continued to want me back, and because I was still in love with him. Even now that we've been broken up for almost a year, he does or says things to try to draw me back in. It doesn't work anymore because I know he won't leave his marriage and I promised myself that I'd never do that again. I don't know what the issues are in your marriage, if you have any, but something has caused him to make the decision to cross this line. Do not underestimate the seriousness of this decision. Once a person goes down that road, the magic in your relationship will be gone. Even if he stays with you, the trust and innocence you've had all throughout your marriage will be gone. If you know for a fact that he has not slept with her yet, you need to stop this before it happens. You may think that you would prefer that he have the affair and get her out of his system, but you have no idea what you're asking. You don't know how this will ruin the two of you. I truly suggest that you talk to him about it, let him know that if he intends to go through with it that he can leave now. The problem is, whenever married men tell their wives that they'll end a relationship, they typically only go quiet for awhile and then will begin pursuing the OW again. I don't really know what to tell you. I understand that you're trying to be rational and calm about this, which is admirable, but I think you're being too tolerant. This would be a dealbreaker for me.
BB07 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 It seems like you are getting stuck in the details of what is going on and you are missing the BIG picture, which is, he is cheating and even if it's not physical yet, is it really going to make that much difference in your head? His behavior is very bad, very uncaring, disrespectful of you and your marriage. If you let it progress on to a physical affair there won't be a snowball's chance in hell that your marriage will recover. If you want him and the marriage, you should confront him NOW. You've got plenty of proof of what is going on and don't be surprised if he denies it and tries to make it look as if what he was doing wasn't that bad. In your heart.......you know it is THAT BAD, so do something about it. Confront or kick his azz outta there.
Heroic Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 With every action so far he has betrayed your trust your vows and is placing having sex with another woman as a higher priority than your marriage. Plain and simple you have been betrayed on every possible level.
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