jen_r Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 And just because I've realized it, isn't going to make it any easier. But Jared, that man is not for me. I went to the apartment tonight, main goal was to get some more stuff (didn't end up getting a damn thing). We TALKED for an hour, we had a screaming match for 3 hours. It ended with me in tears, and him telling me to "Get the F**K out of the house!!! Or I will physically remove you!" I, of course, unleased a wrath of fury. BUT, the anger & fighting seems like it was necessary for me to realize that he must not be the one for me. He's a completely heartless individual and I need to forget him. As HARD as this is going to be, as i'm sure i'll be thinking of old memories with him by tomorrow, I have to do it. I have to keep this hate in my heart in order for me to get over him and to keep remembering him as a bad person. So yeah. I hope I can do this. NC starts tomorrow.
counterman Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 Jen, it is great that you realise that he is not the one for you. Most of us get caught up in the fantasy that our ex was the one but we fail to see the many issues that has lead us to break-up in the first place; our exs are our exs for a reason. Anger is good and it is directed at the right person. Usually, we take it our on ourselves. I know I did that after my break-up. But, you are right, he is not the one for you and you are better off without him. Stick with no contact. It will be hard but it is worth it and focus on yourself. If you are feeling the hate or any anger, let it out. Don't hold it in all the time. Let it out in a healthy way... punch a boxing bag, scream if you have to, work out like crazy, these things help you release. Stay with your family and friends. Read these guides, they will make things easier and reread them again if you ever have the urge to break no contact: Guide to No Contact Do you really think contacting your ex is going to help you? Take care. Be kind to yourself
EricaH329 Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 Hate is a normal part of the healing process. I completely understand why you'd be mad at him right now, and you have every right to be. However, I would not hold onto that hate forever. It'll only end up destroying you. Holding hate in your heart is not healthy. At some point, when you've calmed down and are further along in the healing process, you'll need to forgive. Forgive and forget. I always tell people that this is the best time to focus on yourself and try to make yourself a better person. When you are able to think more clearly, reflect back on the relationship and understand when and how things went wrong. Your part in it, and his. Try to learn and grow from that. For now though, i'd focus on maintaining your composure (as hard as it might be) and allow all of the emotions that are coming at you at full force to play themselves out. I'm sure you've heard this a million times, and this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but you will get through this.
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