heartbroken573 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Two weeks ago, my girlfriend broke up with me after 7 years being together. Actually, she broke up with me right before our 7 year mark. We had gone on a trip together as my gift to her for our anniversary. Unfortunately, at this time, I didn't realize that she had been talking to her former ex for a while. He was very aggressive, kept showing up at her house, kept hitting on her. I confronted her about this prior, but she had asked me to trust her if I really loved her. And I did...like a fool I did. I never questioned her actions or intentions, just his. During our trip, she seems out of focused. Things didn't seem right, and I became too sexually aggressive with her. Well..I assumed that after 7 years, you'd want to make love to someone on a romantic get away? When we came back, her ex was waiting for her in at her house. I confronted her about him, and she decided that she couldn't do this anymore and she broke up with me then. She said she felt violated and used, didn't feel emotionally connected anymore. I found out later that they kissed and exchanged hand holding after she broke up with me. I tried to reconcile with her as our 6 year was coming up, she almost did, but broke down saying "I can't do this to him." Confused, I let go. The only thing was we had a prior planned party with our friends a week after that. We didn't talk that whole week, and at the party I acted casual and cool. I made her aware i was there, I wasn't rude. She seemed to move in slightly. But I tried to keep my distance as I knew she might be seeing her ex. That night, I told her that I wouldn't contact her anymore. And neither should she, cause right now its too confusing for both of us. We didn't talk for 3 days, then she messages me. I talked to her, but she started telling me how she broke down and how she was sorry for how she was treating me lately. I told her that I can't do this if she was still dating him. She told me she didn't know what was going on anymore and she tried to be friendly by saying how maybe things will get better, but she never mentioned anything about leaving him. I reacted, and I rudely just told her to stop. I couldn't do this, please don't contact me. I guess she reacted by telling me it was over for the second time. I felt guilty for yelling at her, we didn't talk for 2 days after that. I quickly messaged her that I was sorry 2 days after lashing out. Apologized for lashing out, telling her that she didn't deserve that. I told her that I won't be contacting her and giving her the space we needed after that. Its been 2 days...I'm so confused what to do. I know that lashing out probably put me back to ground zero for my progress in getting her back. I loved her so much. Sadly, she told me she didn't feel like we were getting anywhere. She felt like I was never going to commit. Sadly, my gift to her that year was to move out, and I was going to propose. I never told her. Now I don't know what to do. Doing this no contact thing has been draining for me, I just want to tell her to stop this sillyness and come back to me. Inside, I know she would've said yes if I had asked her before we broke up. I don't know what to do now. Advice? Do I show her I'm committed, or do I back off now that she is seeing her ex again? Was it stupid of me to lash out on her? Did that ruin my chances or did she need to see how this affected me? I know I should give her some space, but from being so close to moving ahead with our relationship, then all of this lands, I don't know what to do. I feel like I lost all control of my life.
GrayClouds Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I don't know what to do now. Advice? Do I show her I'm committed, or do I back off now that she is seeing her ex again? Was it stupid of me to lash out on her? Did that ruin my chances or did she need to see how this affected me? I know I should give her some space, but from being so close to moving ahead with our relationship, then all of this lands, I don't know what to do. I feel like I lost all control of my life. Sorry for your pain and sorry for being a bit harsh but IT IS OVER. She knows you love her and still she wants to leave. You lashed out because she was pulling away and not beign honest about it. It was a natural reaction. Any girl that ask for space is just looking for a easy way to let go. Nothing you do at this point will influence her mind. At this point the only thing you have contol over is yourself, keep your focus on you. Go no contact and try to heal yourself. Read the follow links they will help make it easier, not easy, but easier: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? You will be ok.
Author heartbroken573 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 She told me that she was feeling like I didn't care. I can see that though. I've been working hard to save money for us to move out. Thing is, I never told her about my plans to move out with her, I rarely got to talk to her during the week because the time I get home and her schedule. She left me for someone that kept hitting on her, kept telling her that she was his little wife. She has always wanted to marry soon, and she told me that she has been on my schedule. To be honest, everything has been on my schedule. I don't know what to do, I want to show her that I want to move ahead with her. But what are you suppose to do if she runs to someone else at this moment?
kwyser Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I'm sorry for what you're going through, that's rough. All I can tell you is to cut off all contact for at least a few weeks. After this time you might feel differently and want to being living your life again.
Author heartbroken573 Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 I just have so many regrets about yelling at her when she was trying to reach out the first time. How do I go about resolving this? This is when re-iterated that we were broken up.
counterman Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 As GrayClouds said she knows how you feel about her but she still wants to move on with someone else. Apologising to her, begging her to listen or whatever else will do nothing to help you. She is with someone else and it is over. Read those two guides, it will help. Move on and do not contact her. Be kind to yourself and feel free to keep posting.
Author heartbroken573 Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 Yeah, I've been reading those. I've also been reading the magic of making up and how to win her back for good books. I've been following NC for a few days now, writing in a journal to keep myself sane. I just feel so lost, I feel like shes confused, I just keep wishing to have another chance.
DustySaltus Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 Listen to grayclouds. Read those guides over and over again. You need to work on yourself and heal yourself right now. What she did was disgusting and I personally would never speak with her again. She seems really sneaky and selfish, that's not someone you need for the long term AT ALL. Stop reading these how to get her back books. They DO NO work unless the other person is willing to admit that they made a huge mistake on their own ....without any contact from you. Anything less is UNACCEPTABLE.
GrayClouds Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 . I've also been reading the magic of making up and how to win her back for good books. . As dusty said put the books down. Only magic in those are the magic sued to get poor sad people to give up their hard earn money believe they can control someones else. She said she felt like you did not care. She putting the whole break-up on you, That is unfair and manipulative. You actions was a response to her actions. You spent time working because she indicated you alone was not enough for her, she need things. You yelled at her becouse of her pulling away from you. You did not realize she was unhappy because she did not communicate it. The girl is incredibility selfish. Rather seeing your effort and hard work as a good quality in you she choose to view it as a rejection of her. You would have never made this girl happy no matter what you did or how hard you tired.
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