Eeyore79 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Nope, it has nothing to do with "loving a**holes". A guy can be nice, decent, not a jerk, and still not be quite what you want. Maybe he's a decent guy, but he's a bit of a geek and has no idea how to dress and do his hair, or he hasn't dated many people and has no clue about how to romance a girl. Maybe he's kind and loving but he doesn't have the best job, and he needs a push to get more education and climb the career ladder. Just because a guy needs fixing, that doesn't mean he's a jerk.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 My ex boyfriend got married a few weeks ago. I saw it on his facebook. It doesn't bother me at all because we were totally wrong for each other. I think it's for the best that he broke up with me because we both went out and found someone who we were more compatible with.
Lizzie60 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 My last ex wanted to marry me... I never got married... never wanted to... Anyway... he is now married to a girl he met right after our break-up... he even broke with her.. to ask me to come back for another try... I did.. it lasted 3 weeks.. and I left.. for good. He got married about 3 years later.. Marriage means nothing... SHE wanted to get married... he came back to me after and before his marriage... we had sex... Marriage is no guarantee.. and is not a 'permit' to own someone.. My first ex never married.. but has been living with the same woman for over 10 years now..
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 Nope, it has nothing to do with "loving a**holes". A guy can be nice, decent, not a jerk, and still not be quite what you want. Maybe he's a decent guy, but he's a bit of a geek and has no idea how to dress and do his hair, or he hasn't dated many people and has no clue about how to romance a girl. Maybe he's kind and loving but he doesn't have the best job, and he needs a push to get more education and climb the career ladder. Just because a guy needs fixing, that doesn't mean he's a jerk. Yes, this is not another one those " she falls for the a- hole " thread. What happens is that a relationship lets us see what the other person is really like, and unlike dating, we get the bad side as well. So we might come to see the SO with flaws we never notice, and we " fix" or enhance whatever features they have.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 My last ex wanted to marry me... I never got married... never wanted to... Anyway... he is now married to a girl he met right after our break-up... he even broke with her.. to ask me to come back for another try... I did.. it lasted 3 weeks.. and I left.. for good. He got married about 3 years later.. Marriage means nothing... SHE wanted to get married... he came back to me after and before his marriage... we had sex... Marriage is no guarantee.. and is not a 'permit' to own someone.. My first ex never married.. but has been living with the same woman for over 10 years now.. Lizzie, you're right that marriage means nothing, but what makes one marriage material and the other not? After all, marriage to a guy ( or to girls in some cases) is a huge commitment. I guess that's the big question to all of this, maybe a switch went off inside their heads to make them take the next big step?
mortensorchid Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I read that article. I have also been there myself. Trust me, you did not nor could you "fix" him for anyone or anything. Women have to get past that, this foolish nothing that we are to mother or fix those who we have no business fixing or solving. I am, however, past that, or at least I recognize the behaviors. And I stay out of those situations now. You and the person were not right for each other. You did your best. The man was insecure enough that he chipped away at your self esteem so he could make you feel as bad as he did on the inside. Then he realized his mistakes, learned from them, and decided to rebound and marry the next one that came along. Bad? Yes it is. I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of that woman he ultimately marries, imagine the abuse he may or may not be putting her through. You're better off without them. That article, by the way, was meant to sooth as well as spark our jealousy. Think about it.
Lizzie60 Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 Lizzie, you're right that marriage means nothing, but what makes one marriage material and the other not? After all, marriage to a guy ( or to girls in some cases) is a huge commitment. I guess that's the big question to all of this, maybe a switch went off inside their heads to make them take the next big step? This is true 'on paper' maybe... IMO in reality.. most people (especially men) do not think about marriage as being a 'huge commitment'... some (a lot) of men think of marriage as 'free and accessible sex'.. women view marriage as security.. to begin a family ... Marriage is overated...
sumdude Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 This is true 'on paper' maybe... IMO in reality.. most people (especially men) do not think about marriage as being a 'huge commitment'... some (a lot) of men think of marriage as 'free and accessible sex'.. women view marriage as security.. to begin a family ... Marriage is overated... I guess I was one of the minority then... much to my chagrin. I suppose honor, integrity and fidelity are just words used to sell expensive cars now too.
soulm8 Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 (edited) IME, it wasn't so much "fixing" as it was compromising and overcoming barriers. You can't fix or change a person, male or female. All we can really do is communicate together to have a peaceful existence... sometimes there's resistance to compromise that one isn't willing to accept. Edited February 12, 2010 by soulm8
Chitowngirl Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 It would personally hurt me if my ex-fiance married the next girl he dated after me..but that would also prove to me that we were not right for each other. One guy I dated for a month ended up marrying the next girl after me, but I thought that was odd because he just didn't seem STABLE..and then I find out he only married her b/c she got pregnant. Makes sense now. My other long term relationships, most seem to have gotten married 5 yrs after we broke up. I came across the January issue of Cosmo ( haha, yeah...) and there was an article by an author about exes getting married after breaking up with her. I feel like like I can fully relate with her simply because MY ex from 2 years ago married the girl he dated after me. It really got me thinking... am I not relationship material? Or do I just have really bad luck? The author says that she went on to ask her therapist about her problems and the solution was that when she was in a relationship, she usually puts in alot of effort to " prim" her boyfriends to be relationship/ marriage ready. Hence, when breakup time occurs, the guy actually took the changes they went through from the last relationship and apply them to new ones, which in turn makes them " ready to settle down". I think I can totally understand that. When I met my ex, he was at the crossroad of his life, unable to find answers to his future. Then BOOM! I suddenly encourage him to go to college, find a job, break up with him, and now he's with a sweet girl. Maybe I need to stop seeking for " troubled" men and look for the ones that doesn't need " fixing". What are your opinions on this?
BG1985 Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I think y'all give yourselves too much credit. There is that idea that the best way to get over being dumped is to live well/move on. Perhaps these guys fixed themselves as a result of the break up. You could say you indirectly helped them by breaking up with them.
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