willowfields Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Sometimes it is so difficult when you love a person so much. I'm sitting here typing this crying like a blubbering baby, really for no reason other then I love my AP more then anything. We spent some nice time together and I'm crying. These emotions have got to go.
Angel1111 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I know how this feels and I'm so glad to not feel that way anymore. There was a time when I thought I would die without xMM. But here I am, alive and well. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I'm assuming you have ended your relationship with him?
BB07 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Sometimes it is so difficult when you love a person so much. I'm sitting here typing this crying like a blubbering baby, really for no reason other then I love my AP more then anything. We spent some nice time together and I'm crying. These emotions have got to go. Being with/ loving a MM is a roller coaster for most. When you get ready to get off the ride......you will. For me the highs and lows were a lot more extreme than other relationships. IMO........that isn't a good thing because we get used to what we know, even when it's not good for us, but it's familiar and there is a certain comfort in what is familiar.
Author willowfields Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 I feeNo I have not ended it with him. Niether one of us is ready yet or for a long time a committed relationship. I just love him so much. When I left for work, I did not let him see how emotional I was and still am. Today I'm weepy. I can not explain it.
WhereToGoFromHere Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Love is an insanely powerful thing! Hang in there willowfields.
jennie-jennie Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Being with/ loving a MM is a roller coaster for most. When you get ready to get off the ride......you will. For me the highs and lows were a lot more extreme than other relationships. IMO........that isn't a good thing because we get used to what we know, even when it's not good for us, but it's familiar and there is a certain comfort in what is familiar. BB, how long were you and your MM together? I know for us the highs and lows were severe the first year. Since then the waves are getting less and less apparent. We have learnt to trust that the other one is there to stay. We also understand each other so much better and are getting better and better at communicating our needs to the other all the time without getting the rollercoaster started once again.
BB07 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 BB, how long were you and your MM together? I know for us the highs and lows were severe the first year. Since then the waves are getting less and less apparent. We have learnt to trust that the other one is there to stay. We also understand each other so much better and are getting better and better at communicating our needs to the other all the time without getting the rollercoaster started once again. Jennie, A little bit of the backstory to follow. There had been an attraction between us for years but sadly neither one of us acted on it and there were periods when both of us were free (no marriage, no LTR for me) to do so, but we didn't. Yeah I know....how stupid was that? We first started seeing each other when he was separated after a very short marriage, (months). We saw each other for about 4 months. During the 2nd month was when he told me he was probably going to go back to the marriage. When he went back, he thought it would be for only a short while. I hadn't planned to continue to see him, nor had we even discussed that aspect of it. Within a couple of weeks after he went back, there he was at my door and I let him in. For the first 2 months I was more than patient and I felt that we still were on the same page. Then a family member of his got very ill and he was focused on that. Another two or three months passed and the reality hit me that it wasn't going to be anytime soon. Another few months passed and I came to accept that he didn't have a clue when it would happen. I think the turning point came for me when he told me a little bit about a disagreement that they had and I realized at that point, that if that wasn't enough to do it, then who knew what it would take to walk out the door. It took a while longer for me to get to the point where I couldn't take anymore. In all total it was 1 1/2 years. When I told him that I had been asked out on a date, he just said I have no right to tell you not to go. A couple of months later, I told him that I had to walk away, he didn't ask me not to go. Of course part of me wanted him to tell me not to, but he and I both knew that he wouldn't. He did tell me this.......he said some day I will be back at your door and I'll be free and I will always love you. He said if at that time, that I was with someone else and I was happy, he'd be happy for me because he loved me enough to want me to be happy with him or without him. Even though part of me wanted him to say please don't go, I respected him more for not saying it. He knew that he was hurting me and that the situation was hurting me and he couldn't change anything at that time. On another note which has nothing to do with this thread, sorry....., our affair seems to be quite different than most. He and I very rarely discussed any of the problems he had with her. Most of what I knew about it, he told me during the time we dated when they were separated. I didn't ask and he didn't offer up any details. I never asked if he was sleeping with her......dumb question IMO. lol Hard to believe but he and I did not have sex during the affair or for that matter during the short time we dated. Quite shocking uh! lol He and I saw each other mostly before work and in the afternoons after work so there wasn't the usual sneaking around at night thing nor did we have to worry about being seen out in public. I think a few people at work did have their suspicions but nothing was ever said directly to him or me about it.
jennie-jennie Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 BB, I can't help but think that your story was so romantic! I hope it all works out for you both and I really value your opinons here on the board. Willow, sorry for the t/j. It was the mentioning of rollercoasters that got me started. We have all had our share of those! I am a little confused about your situation. Your MM's wife has moved out of town? Are they separated or just living apart?
Author willowfields Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 I will start from the beginning so it makes a bit more sense. My AP wife had him served back in August of 09. I guess for a while they where going to work it out. In December she moved out of state and had my AP move everything by truck there and set it up. He went there for Christmas. Came back to take care of things here. Things where testy while he was there for the holidays. Then she stopped speaking to him all together except when he calls for the kids. A week ago he received a letter in the mail about appearing in court for futher divorce proceedings. This is where things are now. He has a lot on his plate. Being unemployed, a house he's trying to sell, divorce, he can't find work. He amazes mee on how positive he stays though. I admire that about him. Last night I left a card on his pillow. It said he makes me smile and I love him for being him. He said it touched him. I liked the idea of placing it where he would find it instead of handing it to him. I just really love him.
BB07 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 BB, I can't help but think that your story was so romantic! I hope it all works out for you both and I really value your opinons here on the board. Willow, sorry for the t/j. It was the mentioning of rollercoasters that got me started. We have all had our share of those! I am a little confused about your situation. Your MM's wife has moved out of town? Are they separated or just living apart? Thanks Jennie.......It's been a hard long ride and it's not been all roses and wine since we starting seeing each other this time either, but I love this man and he loves me and I think we have a real shot at a good relationship. Hopefully soon he will have the divorce agreement signed and he can move closer to me. BTW.......you and I are very close in age. I hope things work out for you also, I really do! Willow.......I'm also sorry about the T/J.
jennie-jennie Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I will start from the beginning so it makes a bit more sense. My AP wife had him served back in August of 09. I guess for a while they where going to work it out. In December she moved out of state and had my AP move everything by truck there and set it up. He went there for Christmas. Came back to take care of things here. Things where testy while he was there for the holidays. Then she stopped speaking to him all together except when he calls for the kids. A week ago he received a letter in the mail about appearing in court for futher divorce proceedings. This is where things are now. He has a lot on his plate. Being unemployed, a house he's trying to sell, divorce, he can't find work. He amazes mee on how positive he stays though. I admire that about him. Last night I left a card on his pillow. It said he makes me smile and I love him for being him. He said it touched him. I liked the idea of placing it where he would find it instead of handing it to him. I just really love him. That's just so sweet. You can see in this thread how the OW/fOW really love their men. That is what it is all about: love. :love:
pureinheart Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I will start from the beginning so it makes a bit more sense. My AP wife had him served back in August of 09. I guess for a while they where going to work it out. In December she moved out of state and had my AP move everything by truck there and set it up. He went there for Christmas. Came back to take care of things here. Things where testy while he was there for the holidays. Then she stopped speaking to him all together except when he calls for the kids. A week ago he received a letter in the mail about appearing in court for futher divorce proceedings. This is where things are now. He has a lot on his plate. Being unemployed, a house he's trying to sell, divorce, he can't find work. He amazes mee on how positive he stays though. I admire that about him. Last night I left a card on his pillow. It said he makes me smile and I love him for being him. He said it touched him. I liked the idea of placing it where he would find it instead of handing it to him. I just really love him. He sounds like a cool person willow...consider yourself very fortunate as exMM/friend wasn't handling his sitch as well and was quite abusive to me...I am having a hard time getting over that part, although trying to keep a positive attitude...I hope you have a happy beginning!
Author willowfields Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 thank you, i hope there is a happy ending. if it is without him, then i would consider myself fortunate to have known him for the time i had him in my life.
pureinheart Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 That's just so sweet. You can see in this thread how the OW/fOW really love their men. That is what it is all about: love. :love: Thank you...in my sitch...love means letting go so that he can find him.
jennie-jennie Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 thank you, i hope there is a happy ending. if it is without him, then i would consider myself fortunate to have known him for the time i had him in my life. I wish all OW would have such a wise perspective of their life.
Author willowfields Posted February 13, 2010 Author Posted February 13, 2010 I have a happy update. Last night we where talking and got together. We listened to music, talked, and watched a movie. Then went to sleep. Fell asleep with him holding me. What was nice is we had no sex at all. He had an early appt this morning. He let me sleep in alone in his house. He trusted me enough to be there. Then he emaialed me that he's making me valentines day dinner tomorrow. Tonight he's going out of town to see his friend. He needs some time away from everything. His divorce and his wife coming back is next week
Recommended Posts