thats what i said Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I've been seeing my current bf for about 2 months now and we were fooling around last night in bed... He kept saying he wanted to have sex and I kept telling him no, that I just wasn't ready yet - I guess it was just how I was raised. Well, he said he would respect me and would wait but then we'd get back to fooling around and he would try again and again. Eventually I gave in and had slept with him... In morning I just felt so ashamed and he asked me if I was upset about something. I wanted to tell him I wish he would have respected me when I said no rather than pushed and persisted but I kind of feel like I don't have a right to tell him that. After all, I eventually went ahead and let him do what he wanted... I really liked him but now I just can't look at him the same way...
Ronni_W Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Hugs. It's difficult because, as you say, you were a willing participant even though that came as the result of being worn down. I suppose...now it's about finding self-forgiveness for allowing yourself to be worn down, or not getting yourself out of the situation sooner. And also finding forgiveness for him, for persisting in trying to get his needs met at the expense of your needs/expressed wishes. It's difficult. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it. Big hugs.
Eeyore79 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 He doesn't respect you at all. You shouldn't feel bad; it isn't the end of the world, it's only sex. But you should be concerned about his lack of respect for your wishes and boundaries.
Dolos Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 You have to tell him because now hes going to expect it on a regular basis, something you clearly aren't comfortable with. You would think he would have noticed something was wrong mid sex, since it sounds like you weren't enjoying yourself at all.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 He let his hormones take over and totally disrespected your wishes to wait. You weren't ready at that moment and the timing wasn't right. Tell him how you feel, be honest. Maybe he is feeling bad and has regrets now too.
torranceshipman Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I think you need to tell him how badly he's messed up - and I agree with the other posters, he doesn't respect your boundaries. You might end up leaving him over this at some point - I've seen that happen - as also, what one of the other posters said is true - he'll want it to happen regularly now, and you don't sound ready, so you shouldn't feel like you need to go down that path. That was wrong of him, and I am not surprised that you look at him in a different way because of it - you've seen his very inconsiderate side. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of though. All you did was be intimate with your boyfriend, nothing wrong with that. He does have something to feel ashamed about though - putting pressure on you. But not you-not at all - you did nothing bad.
Author thats what i said Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 I think you need to tell him how badly he's messed up - and I agree with the other posters, he doesn't respect your boundaries. You might end up leaving him over this at some point - I've seen that happen - as also, what one of the other posters said is true - he'll want it to happen regularly now, and you don't sound ready, so you shouldn't feel like you need to go down that path. That was wrong of him, and I am not surprised that you look at him in a different way because of it - you've seen his very inconsiderate side. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of though. All you did was be intimate with your boyfriend, nothing wrong with that. He does have something to feel ashamed about though - putting pressure on you. But not you-not at all - you did nothing bad. I finally got up the courage to bring it up and talked to him about it. He was really apologetic and said he thought that might have been what was bothering me. But it was a bit of a weird conversation. Neither one of us really new what to say to lighten the mood. Actually, one of his first questions was whether I still wanted to see him anymore! He did say afterwards (texted) that he did like me and didn't want me to think that was all I wanted from him and would be perfectly happy to slow down in that area. So I guess that was as cleared up as that was gonna get. Now there's this awkward tension between us and so I decided we need to see each other tonight to at least either get rid of that weird tension or something... Although admittedly I don't know if it will go away.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I've been seeing my current bf for about 2 months now and we were fooling around last night in bed... He kept saying he wanted to have sex and I kept telling him no, that I just wasn't ready yet - I guess it was just how I was raised. Well, he said he would respect me and would wait but then we'd get back to fooling around and he would try again and again. Eventually I gave in and had slept with him... In morning I just felt so ashamed and he asked me if I was upset about something. I wanted to tell him I wish he would have respected me when I said no rather than pushed and persisted but I kind of feel like I don't have a right to tell him that. After all, I eventually went ahead and let him do what he wanted... I really liked him but now I just can't look at him the same way... It feels almost odd for me to say that I agree with your vibes. I'm sure there are soooooooooooooo many levels prior to the sex you didn't want to have, on which I could have entertained myself quite happily, were it me in his shoes. Of course some of the responsibility is yours, but he was giving you pretty clear signals as to what he's all about.
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