txsilkysmoothe Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I met a man on a dating site. We communicated for about 5 weeks, had lunch twice, no physical contact whatsoever, he just didn't add up so I cut all contact with him. I initially thought that he just wasn't that interested, but now wonder if he might be married. It didn't really occur to me to be overly suspicious of that. It is absolutely something I want to avoid. 1. He had (and still has) his profile up on dating site for several months with several pictures. Is this behavior of a married person? Isn't that a great risk? 2. He would text me daily except usually not Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Is that a clue? 3. When he would text daily, he would always end the texting before 9 p.m. His reason was he had to work early so needed to go to bed early. Is this a clue? 4. He had two phones - one was work (law enforcement) and one personal. 5. He never touched me, not a kiss, not holding hands, nothing. He seemed more interested in friendship than sex actually. For single women, what are the signs a man is married?
Eeyore79 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 #1: He is wearing a wedding ring No, just kidding... no married man would be foolish enough to wear a wedding ring if he was trying to pull another woman, unless he was a complete idiot. So... #1: A band of pale skin round his finger where his wedding band usually lies. #2: Not answering too many phonecalls on evenings/weekends, always being busy. #3: Having two separate phones, and not for work - one is secret from his wife. #4: Constant texts or calls while you're out, especially if he has to vanish off to take the call #5: Unwillingness to tell you where he lives, or take you to his place, or introduce you to important people in his life as his girlfriend. #6: Unwillingness to add you to Facebook etc and list you as his girlfriend #7: Paying in cash, not with his card (to avoid incriminating bank statements), and throwing away all receipts immediately #8: Unwillingness to make firm dates, and cancelling at the last minute #9: Obvious guilt or reticence about stuff like kissing, sex, etc #10: Taking you to out-of-the-way places to avoid being spotted
carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 When I had my EA, I was very engaging and physically affectionate. Nothing sexual was ever alluded to or acted out as that's not my style. We also went out in public without limitations. To me, the most clearly indicative sign that a man is married is that he is not readily available and responsive at random times. The lady I'm seeing (I'm separated and she wasn't the EA) has called me at times ranging from 8 in the morning to 9 at night (we don't do that daily intensive stuff as neither of us see a need for it) and I am always available or call back within a few minutes if I can't talk at the time. Same for myself. Also, if he's reluctant to talk about where he lives, even incidentally, that could be a sign. Do you know his full name? Your situation sounds weird.
scatterd Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Ask him about where he lives see if he will take you there.See if your able to call him at home.I dont know alot but thats a couple of things if he does take you home look to see if their is any sign of another woman living there.Good luck!
Author txsilkysmoothe Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 When I had my EA, I was very engaging and physically affectionate. Nothing sexual was ever alluded to or acted out as that's not my style. We also went out in public without limitations. To me, the most clearly indicative sign that a man is married is that he is not readily available and responsive at random times. The lady I'm seeing (I'm separated and she wasn't the EA) has called me at times ranging from 8 in the morning to 9 at night (we don't do that daily intensive stuff as neither of us see a need for it) and I am always available or call back within a few minutes if I can't talk at the time. Same for myself. Also, if he's reluctant to talk about where he lives, even incidentally, that could be a sign. Do you know his full name? Your situation sounds weird. Thanks Carhill, Yes, he told me his full name without hesitation. After I became suspicious, I did check him out. The service I use locates people based on public records, utility bills in their name, etc. He said he recently moved to my city from DFW. The check verified that he lived in DFW a few months ago and for several years. His phone number traces back to his name with a DFW area code. I also verified the details of his divorce 11 years ago and found no record of subsequent marriages. I've verified that he did indeed attend the college he referenced. The background service can't always provide the most recent information so it makes sense that I didn't find anything about him living in my city. He was secretive about his job. He said it was federal law enforcement and he showed me his badge but didn't want me to know which "agency" he works for until he knows me better. He claimed to have had stalker-ish encounters with women since moving which had made him be very careful. Because of his job, he had to be careful with whom he associates. He said it would be embarrassing and possibly jeopardize his job if he unknowingly got involved with a woman who used drugs or was involved in other criminal activity. He never shared where he lives. He did tell me the names of two gyms he frequents and one of them is the gym I belong to though I haven't been using it lately. He didn't seem nervous about us possibly seeing each other there. He always responded to my texts within minutes except once. His reason was that he was on an "op" all morning. But I have never attempted to text him on weekends or odd hours. He initiated most of the contact. He once said to me "you must have someone who monitors you in the evening" because I was slow to respond to some of his texts. What is it they say about projection? Something just didn't add up. While I heard from him often, he didn't seem in any hurry to actually see me, never attempted to arrange an "evening" date. Maybe he is one of those men who just likes the chase or he just wanted a text buddy. He said he had trouble finding a woman with whom he wanted to invest in a relationship. I finally gave up when he cancelled what would have been our third lunch date. A date that I had requested. He said his boss was coming to town and he had to meet with him instead. He made no attempt to make alternate plans. I texted him an "ok" and left it at that. I haven't heard from him since - 3 weeks ago.
carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 One of my stbx's female friends works for the DOJ and we have numerous friends who are or are married to LEO's. They definitely don't talk 'shop' but are very open in their personal lives. I can't ever recall seeing a badge. A LEO worried about female stalkers, eh? Hmmm..... Somehow, I keep coming back to the Bill Paxton character in 'True Lies' Not hearing from him is probably a good thing.
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