paddington bear Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 As the title says. Joined internet dating site. Met the guy, no expectations, turns out he's very sweet and nice and was very chatty and open and it was all just easy and nice. We both said that we were surprised that we liked each other as both didn't have expectations that anything would come out of it. The problem came when we shared a few kisses. Kissing is really important to me. Good kissing is really important to me. He kind of basically, well...just licked me repeatedly to the point where I was constantly wiping spit off my mouth area. Now, I like this guy, and I think that if there wasn't the kissing problem that right now I'd be excited about seeing him again, but I'm not, purely due to the kissing problem. I'm looking forward to seeing him again, not looking forward to kissing him again. What should I do? Can people change their kissing style? Is it totally insulting to try to train someone to kiss (at least sometimes) the way you like it? Or is it an unchangeable thing that will remain this way forever?
counterman Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Personally, I would not date someone again who was a bad kisser. What I mean by that is a kiss that is sloppy, has a lot of saliva and sort of like biting. In saying that, I have not had a bad kiss so I cannot really say whether I would continue to date someone even if the rest of the date was perfect, but if I am picturing it the I am then the answer would be no, I would not. Apparently, from what I heard, women can tell a lot by the first kiss, whether they will be compatible. As for changing kissing styles, I would have no clue. I think we can pick up a few things and you can learn from make out sessions but there will always be a bit of what you had from the start. Honestly, I have no idea!
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Why not get cool and sexy with him and tell him you're going to give him a few lessons in how a lady loves to be kissed.... then tell him to be completely passive and unresponsive, and you take the lead..... if he takes offence, tell him it could either make or break his future....! My partner may be many things, but when he kisses me, even after six years, it makes my toes tickle.....
Eeyore79 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 No girl likes being licked and slobbered on. I don't know why these men still do it... unless they don't know why they keep getting dumped. Do this guy (and womankind!) a favour and teach him how to kiss properly. It's worth it if he's otherwise a decent guy, and if he still doesn't get it... well, you tried your best.
meerkat stew Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Changing the way someone kisses you is very easy, changing character traits is not. If you find someone you are compatible with, don't worry about kissing, that will come. It's as easy as showing him as other folks say.
carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 To me, it's more key that we each *want* to kiss each other. Everything else is technique and can be learned. I hope you know what I mean
TouchedByViolet Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 To me, it's more key that we each *want* to kiss each other. Everything else is technique and can be learned. I hope you know what I mean Exactly, teach him. Let him know your likes and dislikes. Learning how to kiss is not difficult, he probably lacks experience.
Stung Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I've nexted a few guys because of horrible alien face-sucking kissing. However once when on a date I kissed a prospective beau for the first time, and was disappointed. He was, like, STABBING me with his tongue, and it was way too wet...yick. I got through another hour or so of the date thinking I was going to have to back out of things, but we had a few stiff drinks more and I was still feeling enough interest to give it another shot. Next thing I knew when we were calling it a night at the door my hand was snaking up his back and into his hair. I ran my fingers through his hair and then tugged gently, tipping his head back, swinging myself around to press against the front of his body. I'm quite tall and he was roughly my height, which helped. Then I kissed him, the way I wanted to be kissed, pulling my head away when he started his stabbing technique to nip his lip very gently and lowering myself against him again when he relaxed. There was an instant of lip-confusion but he followed my lead pretty quickly and melded with me without a single embarrassing or confrontational word ever being spoken. The kiss spun out over minutes and I could feel him adapting to the rhythm I was setting, paying attention to when I pulled back and when I pushed forward, to the changes in our breathing. It was a bit like playing an instrument, really. We ended up together for several months and 95% of the time after that he was a great kisser , at least IMO.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 ah! Nothing worse than an awful kiss! Tell him you planned a romantic kissing workshop and he was the only one invited! lol I've always had success with phrases such as "I like ____ to be done this way, it will make me want to rip all your clothes off even MORE!!!!! And if you do it like that all the time, I'll always rip your clothes off....." To date that has a 100% success rate. haha You can also look for articles that talk about kissing that involves things you want to try and send that to him. Maybe not at this point in the R, but later down the line if things still aren't better.
oneheart Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Cor - it can be a real disappointment can't it?! I have in the past been very frustrated by bad kisses - esp on the first kiss. Worst was no tounges just open mouths... hello?? any tounge in there! hahaaargh! I think now if it was just all too much I would probably stop and say - "gently baby"... maybe try again.. still too much?.. "let me show you".... that's proabably quite sexy for them! This got me thinking about what goes through men's minds and bodies on that first kiss.... I guess it's a mixture of "oh my god oh my god oh my god she is so sexy... got to have her..yum yum...oh god" until he starts digesting you in his mouth! But I also think they might be on show a bit - they probably want to send you a message in that kiss - wonder if they think about their approach? Should they try to be the sexy full on, you know I want it with you baby sylee.... or gentle... some may just be completely relaxed and themselves.... or some far too gentlemanly to use their bloody tounge! I'd say give him a second chance My current bf was the no tounges but really the way kiss is just amazing now... no tounges didn't last long!
Author paddington bear Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Well...maybe it was a sign, the kissing. Me not wanting to be too picky and because I liked him, went on another date, which was lovely and he was really sweet and thoughtful and said some stuff that indicated he liked me and wanted to see me again and brought lots of little gifts. The kissing improved a bit, which gave me hope. And as I posted in another thread, I emailed to say that I had a nice time...and I haven't heard back since. He'd been pretty communicative prior to that and had been asking me what days I was free on, so I'm guessing that's the end of that. I'm not texting or emailing again. Once is enough. God knows what happened, maybe he met someone else, maybe I said one wrong thing, whatever. He could still get in touch, but I doubt it to be honest. I didn't want to be too picky and maybe lose someone nice over one small thing and so I overlooked that, and started to like him and started to imagine what it would be like if, or that I'd like to show him that and so on.... And as soon as I did that in my head, he stopped liking me and now I feel horrible. Haven't felt like this in a long while, hurt and rejected by someone I barely know. I guess I feel all the telling me he liked me was a lie, and I would have rather he hadn't done that at all. A friend said 'but you didn't like the kissing' and yes, I know, but it's hard to think 'oh well, better off without' now because I on purpose didn't want to be so shallow and he kind of lured me in by being sweet and caring and genuine (or so I thought) and now I'm dumped, when I should have dumped him for the bad kissing in the first place . It's a weird thing, I am like the kiss of death for guys. They seem very keen at the beginning and then suddenly lose interest. Not sure if this is that I'm picking the wrong guys, or I'm doing something wrong over and over that I'm totally unaware of, or if they are just looking for sex and when it's not forthcoming immediately they move on.
You'reasian Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 (edited) As the title says. Joined internet dating site. Met the guy, no expectations, turns out he's very sweet and nice and was very chatty and open and it was all just easy and nice. We both said that we were surprised that we liked each other as both didn't have expectations that anything would come out of it. The problem came when we shared a few kisses. Kissing is really important to me. Good kissing is really important to me. He kind of basically, well...just licked me repeatedly to the point where I was constantly wiping spit off my mouth area. Now, I like this guy, and I think that if there wasn't the kissing problem that right now I'd be excited about seeing him again, but I'm not, purely due to the kissing problem. I'm looking forward to seeing him again, not looking forward to kissing him again. What should I do? Can people change their kissing style? Is it totally insulting to try to train someone to kiss (at least sometimes) the way you like it? Or is it an unchangeable thing that will remain this way forever? Kissing is subjective - of course you can communicate how you want to be kissed. Some women want you to really want you to use all of your tongue; some are ok with just the lips - if your guy's last girl liked him kissing a certain way or if most of his gf like the way he kissed, that's where he's at - can't hurt to suggest. Edited February 17, 2010 by You'reasian
Twenty-ten Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Is kissing subjective? You either are a good sensual kisser or not. I have to say I have walked away from bad kissers after several tries, you can't teach someone how to kiss, or perhaps I should say why would you want to? I know that when the chemistry is right with someone the kiss just flows, that has been my experience at least. It's a confidence thing I find the more confident and I also find the more relaxed a guy is the better he kisses. What's a perfect first kiss for me? Mostly lips and slowly moving and devouring your each other's lips and alternating at times with upper and lower lip slowly almost as if you are eating the other's lips but not biting or sucking. Building to a some tongue and keeping the mouth just open enough to cover the other's lips with yours but not sucking their face off or giving woodpecker pecks, yuck! Nothing too sloppy and you build from there as you get more aroused then of course as you get more into it you can move at a pace that is good for both following each other's lead. It's a gradual progression to introducing the tongue. Pecking stabs are out and so is sloppy tongue, it's a first kiss there is nothing subjective about what you expect from a first kiss. A man who can kiss sensually will be sensual in other aspects. He doesn't know how to kiss, you might want to teach him I wouldn't have the patience or the face to tell him how I want to be kissed. Sorry that is an instant turn-off for me. Perhaps harsh but it is what it is....Now sex I can be more patient with but typically if the kiss rocks so does the sex.
carhill Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I can only imagine the reaction of the women over the years who didn't kiss in the slow and sensual manner I desire if I had told them or tried to 'teach' them early on in the dating/relationship process. TBH, I've only met one woman who was a compatible kisser right off the bat, and she was a Russian doctor who didn't speak a lick of English and hated her lips (if I understood her correctly). Wow. Still remember those times. As another poster mentioned, she was proficient in other areas of romance as well. As someone who loves oral, whether it be kissing or cunnilingus, I still believe it's the desire which ultimately wins out. If there is desire, true desire built upon intimacy, anyone can learn to express that desire orally in a way their partner finds sensual, intimate and arousing. Without desire, it's just mechanics, and, no doubt, some people are better mechanics than others, as is similar with sexual mechanics. Different strokes.
Kristine Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 You can try to improve his kissing style but truthfully it's a waste, I've been there done that. It improves some but never to the level you're hoping to attain. Good kissing comes naturally to some.
homersheineken Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 You can try to improve his kissing style but truthfully it's a waste, I've been there done that. It improves some but never to the level you're hoping to attain. Good kissing comes naturally to some. Totally disagree. My last GF was a 4/10 kisser at first but after a little time of working out our idiosyncrises she gave the best kiss I ever had. And she said the same thing to me too. We must have just have different styles/exp's coming into the relationship.
Twenty-ten Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Totally disagree. My last GF was a 4/10 kisser at first but after a little time of working out our idiosyncrises she gave the best kiss I ever had. And she said the same thing to me too. We must have just have different styles/exp's coming into the relationship. Interesting! Can you share with us why she was a bad kisser at first, in your view?
homersheineken Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Interesting! Can you share with us why she was a bad kisser at first, in your view? She was very very passive and didn't want to incorporate her tongue hardly at all (even after kissing for a period of time) and when she did her rhythm was completely different than mine (the sex started that way too but that was pretty good).
Twenty-ten Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 She was very very passive and didn't want to incorporate her tongue hardly at all (even after kissing for a period of time) and when she did her rhythm was completely different than mine (the sex started that way too but that was pretty good). Aww, it sounds like it wasn't very sexual/sensual but it sounds like she was giving loving kisses rather than sexual ones, more shy. But I can see that getting tiresome if that's all she wanted to do. Glad you managed to worked though it. The worst kisser I ever had was afraid to open his mouth and he would pucker his lips very hard and just give pecks and a lizard tongue, he wouldn't relax his lips and it was SO annoying. I remember when we stopped he said "Wow that was amazing" and I thought, "yeah for you maybe, not for me!!!"
homersheineken Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Aww, it sounds like it wasn't very sexual/sensual but it sounds like she was giving loving kisses rather than sexual ones, more shy. But I can see that getting tiresome if that's all she wanted to do. Glad you managed to worked though it. The worst kisser I ever had was afraid to open his mouth and he would pucker his lips very hard and just give pecks and a lizard tongue, he wouldn't relax his lips and it was SO annoying. I remember when we stopped he said "Wow that was amazing" and I thought, "yeah for you maybe, not for me!!!" The weird thing is she wasn't nearly as shy in giving sex or trying new things in sex compared to the length of time to get our kissing to be "un-shy" Anyways, I guess the point is if you really like the person, keep trying. Re: lizard man. Yeah that would be quite annoying.
Kamille Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 Well...maybe it was a sign, the kissing. Me not wanting to be too picky and because I liked him, went on another date, which was lovely and he was really sweet and thoughtful and said some stuff that indicated he liked me and wanted to see me again and brought lots of little gifts. The kissing improved a bit, which gave me hope. And as I posted in another thread, I emailed to say that I had a nice time...and I haven't heard back since. He'd been pretty communicative prior to that and had been asking me what days I was free on, so I'm guessing that's the end of that. I'm not texting or emailing again. Once is enough. God knows what happened, maybe he met someone else, maybe I said one wrong thing, whatever. He could still get in touch, but I doubt it to be honest. I didn't want to be too picky and maybe lose someone nice over one small thing and so I overlooked that, and started to like him and started to imagine what it would be like if, or that I'd like to show him that and so on.... And as soon as I did that in my head, he stopped liking me and now I feel horrible. Haven't felt like this in a long while, hurt and rejected by someone I barely know. I guess I feel all the telling me he liked me was a lie, and I would have rather he hadn't done that at all. A friend said 'but you didn't like the kissing' and yes, I know, but it's hard to think 'oh well, better off without' now because I on purpose didn't want to be so shallow and he kind of lured me in by being sweet and caring and genuine (or so I thought) and now I'm dumped, when I should have dumped him for the bad kissing in the first place . It's a weird thing, I am like the kiss of death for guys. They seem very keen at the beginning and then suddenly lose interest. Not sure if this is that I'm picking the wrong guys, or I'm doing something wrong over and over that I'm totally unaware of, or if they are just looking for sex and when it's not forthcoming immediately they move on. Aww I'm sorry Paddington Bear. Dating is so hard. But I think you made the right decision when you decided to overlook the bad kissing. In my experience kissing, like sex, only gets better with time - and as each partner learns what the other likes. And, who knows, it can't have been that long since you've heard from him. Maybe something came up and he's busy at work.
You'reasian Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 (edited) What's a perfect first kiss for me? Mostly lips and slowly moving and devouring your each other's lips and alternating at times with upper and lower lip slowly almost as if you are eating the other's lips but not biting or sucking. Building to a some tongue and keeping the mouth just open enough to cover the other's lips with yours but not sucking their face off or giving woodpecker pecks, yuck! Nothing too sloppy and you build from there as you get more aroused then of course as you get more into it you can move at a pace that is good for both following each other's lead. It's a gradual progression to introducing the tongue. Pecking stabs are out and so is sloppy tongue, it's a first kiss there is nothing subjective about what you expect from a first kiss. A man who can kiss sensually will be sensual in other aspects. He doesn't know how to kiss, you might want to teach him I wouldn't have the patience or the face to tell him how I want to be kissed. Sorry that is an instant turn-off for me. Perhaps harsh but it is what it is....Now sex I can be more patient with but typically if the kiss rocks so does the sex. Personally, I agree with your technique... but I've heard of women who like deep tongue penetration in their mouth while kissing - which is exactly the opposite of what you're talking about. So if you're used to kissing someone like you, then much later end up kissing someone who likes alot of tongue - will be like "stop playing around and *&*(#&$ kiss me deeply" I've noticed that darker skinned women like more tongue...but that could be a generalization. Kissing is subjective. Edited February 19, 2010 by You'reasian
Author paddington bear Posted February 19, 2010 Author Posted February 19, 2010 Aww I'm sorry Paddington Bear. Dating is so hard. But I think you made the right decision when you decided to overlook the bad kissing. In my experience kissing, like sex, only gets better with time - and as each partner learns what the other likes. And, who knows, it can't have been that long since you've heard from him. Maybe something came up and he's busy at work. Just to update, he finally contacted me. A 'hey want to come to my place' text. Told him I was busy till later and he replied saying that he was going out later, so unfortunately we couldn't see each other at all today. So...I know where I stand with this one. He has supremely quickly slipped into 'I'll just make no effort at all and she'll come running' mode after date 2 and I can't be bothered with that kind of cr*p again to be honest. Been there done that, bought the t-shirt. I can see where this is going. If he contacts me again he may be getting a 'well you kiss like a dog' text in reply (no...I wouldn't do that). I'm glad I compromised on the kissing thing by seeing him again. However...I'm not sure I'd compromise again in the future. Kissing is that magical spark thing for me, and I guess if I'm not feeling it, he's not getting 'she really likes this' vibes from me, which may be part of the reason that I've been relegated to being contacted at the last minute as a 'she'll do for now' person.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 So...I know where I stand with this one. He has supremely quickly slipped into 'I'll just make no effort at all and she'll come running' mode after date 2 and I can't be bothered with that kind of cr*p again to be honest. Been there done that, bought the t-shirt. I can see where this is going. If he contacts me again he may be getting a 'well you kiss like a dog' text in reply (no...I wouldn't do that). I'm glad I compromised on the kissing thing by seeing him again. However...I'm not sure I'd compromise again in the future. Kissing is that magical spark thing for me, and I guess if I'm not feeling it, he's not getting 'she really likes this' vibes from me, which may be part of the reason that I've been relegated to being contacted at the last minute as a 'she'll do for now' person. Awww, too bad he's lame. But good for you for being wise to his game. On kissing, I agree that it always gets better in time, but it is a real downer when the first kiss is lame. And a total rush when it's great! I wouldn't dismiss a great guy for a so-so first kiss, but I would be very happy with a great one. Actually, only two of the guys I had relationships with knocked me out with the first kiss -- interestingly, those are the two I had the best sex with. I mean, it was ALWAYS good with those two. My last boyfriend actually made me weak in the knees with his first kiss. He completely took charge of me and totally went for it, and he had to wrap his arms around me and hold me up. God, I miss that. All this shows that in my experience, a great first kiss suggests really great sex to come.
Author paddington bear Posted February 19, 2010 Author Posted February 19, 2010 Awww, too bad he's lame. But good for you for being wise to his game. On kissing, I agree that it always gets better in time, but it is a real downer when the first kiss is lame. And a total rush when it's great! I wouldn't dismiss a great guy for a so-so first kiss, but I would be very happy with a great one. Actually, only two of the guys I had relationships with knocked me out with the first kiss -- interestingly, those are the two I had the best sex with. I mean, it was ALWAYS good with those two. My last boyfriend actually made me weak in the knees with his first kiss. He completely took charge of me and totally went for it, and he had to wrap his arms around me and hold me up. God, I miss that. All this shows that in my experience, a great first kiss suggests really great sex to come. This is the thing. The kiss does tend to correlate to the sex. If you're not compatible kissing-wise then it usually means you're not going to be compatible sexually either...or rather that it might not blow your head off, but just be ok. I was thinking this, but then thought I was being a bit silly and childish. But you are right. Only good kissers from now on. It must be a pheromonal chemistry thing and not just a technique thing
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