CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Went to see my exbf---we had THE greatest relationship I think anyone could ask for--but I was not ready to commit and marry him. Until now. He lives across the country--we have slowed down talking/texting recently. When I saw him, I can tell his feelings are fading. We haven't seen each other for 3 months. Yet--we had a great heart to hear chat...I told him I am now ready....live my life with him like he wanted SO bad all of last year. But now--he is in a terrible state of depression. He lost his job, house, his mom has a major drug problem and he now found a large lump on his chest (he has told no one but me) He is drinking nightly just to go to sleep. With no job--he doesnt do much daily. I flew out to help him. I was shocked at what happened to the wonderful person I once knew. He says we may be able to get it back---I just need to back off. No contact. He said he may just need one week...two weeks. Clear his head. Me--I am just crying. I can't imagine my life without him. I messed NC up the last two days--I realize every time I do this I start over. One week sounds like nothing...but I work at home, alone daily. He was my daily morning phone call, my afternoon IM chat...my evening goodnight call... I think this is the hardest thing I have ever done. Advice on how to just make it through one week?
USMCHokie Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I will divide my post into two parts. Tough Love Never break up with someone unless you are fully prepared to never see or talk to them again. Obviously you couldn't commit to him before and stick it out with him through the good and bad. He's just gone through some really tough times in his life, and what would stop you from leaving again while his life was in turmoil? If he asked for space, please give it to him. He may come back, he may not. But it's not up to you to decide that for him. How you feel about him is irrelevant. And three months can be a long time for people to change...and for feelings to change... As far as dealing with leaving him alone...occupy your mind with other things...get out of the house, visit friends, go to the gym, go do outdoor activities...just do anything out of the ordinary to get you outside and moving...preferably with other people... Whatever you do, DO NOT CONTACT HIM...at least respect him enough to leave him alone for a little while...his life obviously isn't peaches n' cream right now...he needs to deal with his own life before he can possibly add another life to that mix... Blowing Sunshine Up Your Ass [empty space]
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 Thanks for the advice....yes--before I couldnt commit. It was so tough--and now I realize I made a HUGE mistake. What in the world was i thinking?! I laid it all down---he knows I am committed now,--he said he can truly see that...with all my words and actions. He said I put myself 100% out there. But says I had my chance so many times. Thank you again for reminding me to NOT CONTACT hiim. Any advice what to do...I have sat down so many times--and wrote out an email...and luckily deleted it. I broke tonight at 7--and called him. He said he feels so terrible about the heartbreak I am going through--but he says if I push seeing him again (he lives far away) I would be forcing it. I told him I just dont want him to forget. And I could honestly tell he was forgetting. He told me to have faith. We will see each other again. But I know he is different. All I can do is pray, stay busy....and stop listening to John Meyers "heartbreak warefare"
USMCHokie Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Yep, he is right...every time you contact him, it'll just drive him further away...he knows exactly where you stand, so you don't need to constantly remind him of this before he's ready to talk to you again... More importantly, you don't want him to reconcile just because he feels bad about your heartbreak...you want him to come back because he wants to spend the rest of his life with you...and it will take him some time to figure that out...how much time, it's hard to say...you'll just have to be patient and wait it out if you feel that he's worth it... The more you pressure him now, the more he'll either: (1) come back for the wrong reasons (because he feels bad for your heartbreak), or (2) he'll get fed up with the stress from your contact and just cut ties with you altogether... Here's the weird part about "forgetting"...I will NEVER forget my ex...just as I am positive that she will never forget me...but at the same time, I have to assume that she has forgotten me just to make it easier for me to move on...I can't hang onto hope of things that will never be... He won't forget you...he'll always keep that memory of you stored somewhere in the back of his mind...but in order to get over you (especially after you left), he has to hide it somewhere...just to help him move on and start the next phase of his life...and maybe it's too late for you and him...maybe it's not...but that's for him to figure out...but he won't forget you...
Zeegagge Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 It sounds like he needs to get his life together on his own. You have two choices, wait and see or move on.
Recommended Posts