FastEnoughForYou Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 So, I am having some No Contact issues, but let me give some background first. I still love my ex, and I miss her a lot. We have been completely over since mid October. This has been a very tough break up on me. I wanted to marry my ex, but it didn't work out the way I thought it was going to. Basically, we had a great relationship, no real issues, but we are both addicts. I am still in recovery and have over 3 years, but she started using again. I'm still not sure why we broke up, but i figure it is because of her addiction, wanting to use/using. She moved away to another state, and she has initiated all contact. I would respond, but it always made the break up harder on me. Finally, I couldn't keep it up, i was an emotional wreck, and kept holding on to hope. She always said even after it was over that she still loved me. So, I ended up de-friending her on facebook, and blocking her on gmail chat. Those are they ways she would contact me. Either trying to chat or posting about some memory on my fb wall. It has been about a month with no contact, and the other day she sent me 3 texts about a trip we had taken together. I did not respond, trying to be strong. A few hours ago she sent me a text that said: "I cant believe that you can't text me back." I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to text her, part of me is scared to text her, and part of me does not want to because i feel like I have to give up hope and move on. Its so hard. I still love her so much, and miss her...miss talking to her. The last phone conversation we had lasted 2 hours, felt like old times, and ****ed me up emotionally for a long time, and of course it happened right before christmas. Anyway, I need help on what to do, and how to proceed. I never told her not to contact me, and just figured that the de-friending sent her the message. Advice from some ladies would be helpful. What does she want for me? And what should I do?
USMCHokie Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 You've done a great job trying to avoid her contact...but sometimes people can't take a hint. You obviously don't need the whole spiel about the benefits of NC, as you already recognize that any relationship with her would be unhealthy and that you need to move on. You may need to tell her straight up that both of you need to avoid contact and move on with your lives. It will certainly hurt at first because you're giving up such a once important part of your life, but you will be thankful in the long run that you allowed yourself to move on. You ask what she wants from you...she just wants a shoulder to lean on until someone can fill that void...since she can't find a rebound of any kind, she reverts back to what is familiar and available to fill the void left by you when you broke up...don't be that "friend" for her...she doesn't deserve you in her life if she doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about her... I know you asked for female opinions, but I generally trust male opinions more when it comes to relationships...especially opinions of guys who have lived through these same experiences, made the same mistakes, and learned from them...no offense to the ladies...but guys are more apt to tell you straight up what is best...
Author FastEnoughForYou Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 thanks hokie, still looking for some more advice. I'm trying to move on completely, but part of me doesn't want to. This is so ****ing hard...To be honest, I want her back, but i don't expect it to ever happen.
Meaplus3 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 thanks hokie, still looking for some more advice. I'm trying to move on completely, but part of me doesn't want to. This is so ****ing hard...To be honest, I want her back, but i don't expect it to ever happen. I understand how you feel, but in order to move forward.. you must not look back. Stick with No contact.. even if you have to tough it out for a bit. You will get there. Mea:)
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 thanks hokie, still looking for some more advice. I'm trying to move on completely, but part of me doesn't want to. This is so ****ing hard...To be honest, I want her back, but i don't expect it to ever happen. This is part of your addiction and dependency on her... Not only are you clean, and you've given up drugs, but you're clean (of her) and you've given up her. Which was harder? Ending your drug addicition (A chemical dependency, on something which your body physically craved and grew to need) or giving her up (an emotional dependency, which your heart physically craved and grew to need)? They're different, I know.... but I would say this is proving to be more difficult than you though, huh? if it's any consolation, there is no question at all, that you are doing the right thing. Because, letting her back into your life, runs the risk of becoming drug-addicted again. you may think it couldn't happen again, but it happened once, already.... you may love her, but there is something dangerous about remaining attached to her. You take her on again, you take on the whole package. Really, if you text back anything, even if it's "Stop texting me, then!" will only get her texting you more..... Don't respond, and don't reply to anything. Fight it. you conquered one addiction. Do the same here. You CAN do this. You can, absolutely.
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