The Little Things

[crazycatlady]

The thread about happy marriages and if there are any has devolved into what I think of as the little things that make a marriage wonderful and special. I think it deserves its own topic.

 

Sometimes I think we tend to get bogged down on what's wrong, and we forgot to take time to do what is right. And the little things that can show so much how we care get dropped by the way side as a marriage goes from the honeymoon stage to a more mature quality.

 

So what are the little things that make you feel loved. And what little things do you/should you do to that makes your spouse feel loved.

 

Once when we were apart for a few months and I was so sad and missing him, he made me a cd of the songs he listened to that reminded him of us/me/and to remind me of him and then a detailed book (like 20 pages from and back) about his time putting the list together, why he picked those songs etc. I still have the book, the cd was ruined by the kids, but I have the collection on my ipod.

 

I make his breakfast and let him sleep until its on the table. Its a meal that I don't eat - corned beef hash, homemade biscuits and gravy, and eggs - and the kids don't eat. Its all about him. I have a kid give him a 10 minute warning, and then go get him right as I'm about to plate the meal so he's sitting down about when I'm placing it on the table. I try to make sure I do it at least once a month if not twice a month.

 

So those are two things.

 

Next?

 

CCL

[nddb]

I wrote some on that thread but I'll add a few more here.

 

* Keep my testicles intact. Still have my drive, competitiveness, and principles and I firmly assert them when needed.

 

* Share the load. My wife is old-fashioned in that she doesn't want me to do "women things" but I never NOT offer. She lets me clear my own plate now and let me help clear the table from time to time. And on Saturdays, I mop the kitchen floor when she sleeps in but she always fusses that I need not bother. And I do other things on my own (trash, garage cleaning, yard, etc.) What's the big deal? But I can tell that she likes the thought and the option that I'm there to do things if she wants me to. And that apparently is more than enough for her.

 

* I will admit to not having the same sex drive as many of the guys here seem to indicate. I feel old. I don't need sex every night. If given, I probably don't want it that often (i.e., daily). We've been married nearly 20 years. A few times a week, twice a week in some cases, would be fine. But daily physical affection is important. We have this ritual where whenver we put in a DVD to watch a movie in our bedroom, she gets either a foot massage or an all over body massage as we watch. Doesn't cost me anything, and I always fancied her body. Doesn't lead to sex most of the time but nice quiet times with movie, candles, and a naked oiled body...unbeatable.

 

* Finally, I'll go back to love letters. Takes a few minutes but it's worth its weight in gold for her. Doesn't cost a dime but she seems to like them more than fancy presents. Doesn't have to be long or involved. I do miss her scent out of the blue when I'm at work--and I write a handwritten note and tell her so. I fantasize about what she would wear on our next date night and instead of keeping it to myself, I write and tell her what I visualize and feel. I get worried about our tax--and write her how it makes me anxious. I get horny--and she gets a handwritten note. I'm on a flight and instead of playing with my Ipod, I whip out a letter recounting some of the things we did recently and how I still feel strongly about having her and being with her.

 

It may sound one-sided but it's not. She can probably write about the things she does for me and it probably fills more than a few pages...

[wheelwright]

The thread about happy marriages and if there are any has devolved into what I think of as the little things that make a marriage wonderful and special. I think it deserves its own topic.

 

Sometimes I think we tend to get bogged down on what's wrong, and we forgot to take time to do what is right. And the little things that can show so much how we care get dropped by the way side as a marriage goes from the honeymoon stage to a more mature quality.

 

So what are the little things that make you feel loved. And what little things do you/should you do to that makes your spouse feel loved.

 

Once when we were apart for a few months and I was so sad and missing him, he made me a cd of the songs he listened to that reminded him of us/me/and to remind me of him and then a detailed book (like 20 pages from and back) about his time putting the list together, why he picked those songs etc. I still have the book, the cd was ruined by the kids, but I have the collection on my ipod.

 

I make his breakfast and let him sleep until its on the table. Its a meal that I don't eat - corned beef hash, homemade biscuits and gravy, and eggs - and the kids don't eat. Its all about him. I have a kid give him a 10 minute warning, and then go get him right as I'm about to plate the meal so he's sitting down about when I'm placing it on the table. I try to make sure I do it at least once a month if not twice a month.

 

So those are two things.

 

Next?

 

CCL

 

UUm. You have it all. I am so jealous I would cry. You're just bored. Beautiful love and all, good luck

[Eeyore79]

I send my boyfriend random "thinking of you" emails, and sometimes things like virtual flowers or e-cards for no particular reason. It makes him smile when he eventually logs in and finds whatever I sent. He also likes it when I make nice things such as cakes or sweets as a surprise for when he comes over; my homemade custard pie is his favourite. Occasionally I drop something nice in the mail for him, so he doesn't just get bills through the door. Maybe a card with a keyring or bookmark in the envelope, or a pretty leaf I found, or a fridge magnet, or just a love letter. It only costs the price of a stamp.

 

I like it when he makes me coffee and breakfast in the morning, or when he randomly fetches me a cup of tea. I also like it when he opens doors and stuff for me, and helps me into the car, or walks on the side of the pavement closest to the traffic; it just makes me feel loved and cared for. I like it when he tells me I'm beautiful, and when he rubs my feet. I like it when he tears pages out of the newspaper because he thinks I'll find them interesting. They're all little things, but they add up to me feeling like he loves me

[crazycatlady]

UUm. You have it all. I am so jealous I would cry. You're just bored. Beautiful love and all, good luck

 

 

I'm not sure I understand the just bored comment.

 

CCL

[cuppa]

* he cooks me breakfast and dinner, at least 4 times a week.

 

* If we eat out at the restaurant, he always take out my favorite part and give it to me. If I don't like the food and I like his better, he would offer to swap the food.

 

* I couldn't take out my contact lenses out late at night (like 2 AM in the morning), he was asleep when I woke him up, without question, he tried to help to take it out and then he went out to buy an eye solution for me.

 

* He offered to be a designated driver even when I had a girl night out, including when I went clubbing 2 weeks ago with a girlfriend. This is actually 1 hour drive each way.

 

* Tonight I came home and I saw flowers in the kitchen with my fave flowers (stargazers and peach roses) l, so I ran up to him, thanked him, and kissed him.

 

* This is when we first dated (probably about 2 years into the relationship) but this was the sweetest thing that everyone ever did to me. In winter, he drove to my apartment in the morning and we used to have breakfast together. When I came down to go to work, he already de-froze and shoveled the snow out of my car so I could just turn the engine & go. I know he was a keeper then.

 

* We were in long distance and he had phobia for flying out (i.e: when the airplane took off, he used to grab my hand and his hand went cold). He flew in every week to see me for 2 years, this was right after 9-11 too when he had to stand up in line for hours.

 

* My cousin has pancreatic cancer stage Iv and to this day, she sees my husband as her hero. My husband used his lunch time to drive her to dr appointment and when I wasn't around, my husband cooked herb & a lot of nutritious meals for her as she got so weak and dropped to an alarming 90 lbs.

 

* Last but not the least, love letter. He wrote them beautifully, always feel sincere & heartfelt.

 

So yeah, many little things. Our marriage is not perfect and we might get drifted apart sometimes but there is no question that he's a very kind man and he doesn't do any of this for show-off either.

[cuppa]

I just asked my husband to write me the list but I think he will write this from my side:

 

After one basketball tournament, he started getting cramped out in our apartment parking lot (before we were married). This was kind of late at night and I didn't have a cellphone with me. I was 5'2 - 120 lbs while he's 6' and 185 lbs. I somehow managed to carry him to our 2nd floor apartment (I guess I was quite strong lol, I had him in my back and drag/carry him slowly one stair at a time) and took care of him (keep him warm, keep him dehydrated) for hours until he started to move again

 

AND

 

I took care of him and did errands for him when he ruptured his Achilles and had surgery for 4 months. Don't remember I ever raised my voice even though he's being very difficult at times. I was probably doing a pretty good wifely duty for him.

[nddb]

I like this thread. Good topic right before V-day OP. Keep them coming.