silverfish Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 (edited) I think life is what you make, and same goes for dating. I think that we make our own happiness, and complaining or lamenting about the unfairness of things, or twisting something into a victim mentality is not a good way of dealing with things. It certainly does not lead to happiness or contentment. Hope the OP reads this - not that I'm saying she feels like this, but I completely agree. Edited February 11, 2010 by silverfish typo
BookerT Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 But why "unfortunately"? Do people really hate children that much? And what about the other part of the package-the kindness, warmth and compassion that is part of me because I am a mother? What about the part of me that is still me-the qualities I had(and still have) before I became a parent? The point is OPTIONS. If I had the option between a single woman with no children, and one with children, why would I pick the one with kids? That immediately means more responsibility. What if I wanted my own kids? Could I financially support her kids and mine as well? I think you're venting about things you already know the logical answer to and don't want to admit. Your best bet is to pick a man that doesn't do well with the ladies or one that's divorced with his own kids and in the same boat.
phineas Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 The point is OPTIONS. If I had the option between a single woman with no children, and one with children, why would I pick the one with kids? That immediately means more responsibility. What if I wanted my own kids? Could I financially support her kids and mine as well? I think you're venting about things you already know the logical answer to and don't want to admit. Your best bet is to pick a man that doesn't do well with the ladies or one that's divorced with his own kids and in the same boat. I think it comes down to age. I've asked OP how old she is. When I was in my early 30's I wanted someone without kids so I could start my own family. I didn't want to date single mom's because the chance of them wanting more kids is usually pretty slim at that age. when I was in my early 20's I dated a single mom. It took a while for her to bring me around her kids. That was hell so I understand. I'm seperated now at 38. Single women never married & no kids scare me. That biological clock it ticking & I want no part of it. I'd prefer a single mother now. They get it. Now, the single mother would have to be able to support herself & her kids on her own. I got two little ones of my own & soon child support payments. The OP sounds like she is in control of her life in those aspects. If she's under 30 then she is going to run into these problems.
Author polksaladannie Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 sorry your kids are cramping your style. That was rude and uncalled for.
Author polksaladannie Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 I'm sorry about your friend, but not all single moms are like this. I know that I am not. I will never apologize for my children....ever. I am a loving and active mother. I am always doing things with and for them. And while I do not post their pictures/details on my online dating profiles, I do mention that I am a mother in them and that my children are awesome....because they are. However, all mothers-married or single-want to feel attractive and desired. When all you attract are uneducated, unattractive and unambitious losers, it gets frustrating..especially when you are not any of those things. I had no issue attracting quality men before I had kids...what happened? I am in my mid30s and the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life is daunting at best. I am open to single fathers no problem....
silverfish Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I'm sorry about your friend, but not all single moms are like this. I know that I am not. I will never apologize for my children....ever. I am a loving and active mother. I am always doing things with and for them. And while I do not post their pictures/details on my online dating profiles, I do mention that I am a mother in them and that my children are awesome....because they are. However, all mothers-married or single-want to feel attractive and desired. When all you attract are uneducated, unattractive and unambitious losers, it gets frustrating..especially when you are not any of those things. I had no issue attracting quality men before I had kids...what happened? I am in my mid30s and the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life is daunting at best. I am open to single fathers no problem.... Actually, he/she had a valid point, if you care to read it.... I don't think the issue here is (or should be) that the OP is a single parent. I think the issue is the OP's attitude about the fact that she is a single parent. I don't get the impression you're quite ready to date seriously yet as you say I am in my mid30s and the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life is daunting at best. Well, then learn to be happy in yourself about yourself and your situation without relying on a man to define you. You won't be alone for the rest of your life, but if you pick up on the negative posts here, and the negative reactions you get IRL, then yes, it will be lonely. I don't think you should lower your standards at all, as some might say, but you should stop seeing yourself as 'the same person' you were before you had kids / got divorced because you just aren't. And that should be a positive. If the quality man you attracted and married was abusive, then maybe change your perceptions of 'quality', because when you do your eyes will open and you will see there are a lot of men out there who are interested in you
stillafool Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I am in my mid30s and the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life is daunting at best. I am open to single fathers no problem.... There are so many single fathers out there that feel the exact way you do, like Phineas. It is a matter of finding them. I know large churches have gatherings and such that for single parents and their children. I don't know how you feel about something like that, but if not there are other places. Do you live in a large city or a small town?
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