BurriedAlive Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 So I finally found the courage to say something to MM about this "relationship" we are having. We were out at lunch today and I asked him:"does your W know we are friends?" Without missing a beat he replied: "Yes she does. I talk about you all the time. She isn't the jealous type so she doesn't have a problem with you and I being friends. I get a lot heat from her about a lot of things but this isn't one of them." Well....did I ever feel STUPID. Apparently it is possible for men and women to be just friends. Apparently it is possible to have a "work wife" as long as "home wife" knows about it. Apparently I am a complete idiot for thinking I was crossing all these imaginary lines when the only one concerned was me! Oh boy... what a day... Has anyone else ever found themselves in this situation?
fooled once Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 If I were you, I would stop having lunch with this MM. Even though he says his wife knows about you (which doesn't mean he is having an affair with you), you obviously have feelings for him --- but he is married. There is a fine, professional line to being a work wife and an affair partner. It is actually more of a joke. I think you really want more from him and that could be very deterimental to you. Stop being so personal with him and focus on the job, not the man.
bentnotbroken Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Do you see a counselor? It's strange and a bit creepy that you have built a relationship in your head only. :eek:You were posting about a relationship that never was. ?
angie2443 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I doubt it's all in your head. I'm guessing one of two things is happening. He's either not telling the wife everything about you, or, it really does bother her but she doesn't want to appear jealous.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 The EA is not in your head. Did you forget your other threads BA? You've admitted you have feelings for him. You slammed his wife, assuming the worse about her, thinking she was giving you the evil eye, sizing you up at that work function. You even put yourself as the OW and MM's wife as the BS. He's lying to you. And, by lying to you, he's also letting you know that it's one sided. What you feel for him is NOT what he feels for you. Detach..From..Him. Meet other men, don't go out with him alone anymore at lunch. Stop the calls, the texts, the emails, the personal chats at work. Don't rely on him, RELY on your women friends or family. You've got feelings for him and he loves his wife, has no intention of cheating physically on her. You two ARE having an EA, I seem to remember you two have crossed the lines verbally and admitted feelings, and the what if's.. Sorry BA, it's just because this guy tells you all is OK and it's not an EA, you accept that. I think deep down you know the truth.
freestyle Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 If you want a foolproof litmus test about whether this is just an innocent friendship, and whether MM is being truthful about his W being okay with your friendship try this.............. Suggest that you join the two of them for lunch or dinner.Watch how he reacts................................................................................................... (and think about whether or not you'd be comfortable hanging with the two of them....)
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t218727/ Something tells me BA wouldn't feel comfortable. Anyway, BA I hope you focus on other things, your friends and meeting new guys to get this MM co worker of yours out of your system. Don't invest anymore emotions into him and back off the friendship. It really serves no purpose and it's only going to cause you heartache, even more so since it seems one sided and in your head. (Though I DO think he realizes the 'friendship' isn't healthy to his marriage and that's why he said what he said to minimize it.)
jj33 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 The fact that she has heard of you doesnt mean anything. If YOU feel that his attentions are too much than either (1) you are sensing that his feelings are more than are comfortable for you or (2) subconsciously you harbor feelings for him. If your boundaries are clear then what he thinks doesnt really matter. ALthough it is awkward to have a coworker paying too much attentoin. There must be something in the water - I ran into xMM and his W recently, afterwards he told me she asked about me and that he talks about me all the time (still now all this time later...) and other people have mentioned recently that he mentions me all the time and were fishing to know why. It may be just a friendly thing but if your gut tells you to be cautious then be cautious. These guys are masters at covering up.
Author BurriedAlive Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 It is my understanding that the difference between an EA and a friendship is that a married person has feelings for the OP and therefore keeps the "friendship" a secret. Therefore, feelings and secrecy are the distinguishing factors. When I began posting on LS about my work "friend" I was trying to understand what was happening here. I never had a guy friend pay so much attention to me without trying to get in my pants! So I was trying to make heads or tails of the situation.... that is all! I was trying to get confirmation that he just liked me as a friend and I didn't have to worry about something behind the scenes happening between us. Yes we are close, yes I respect him and yes I like him. He is a great friend and ally to have. Yes I do have feelings on some level for him but I do not spend all my time thinking about him and this has in no way affected my ability or inability to find a single guy. I appreciate everyones advice here (well for the most part... some people on here should be ashamed of themselves) but I can't just cut off contact with this man because he may or may not like me. I asked him if W knew, he said yes. Could he be lying to me? Absolutely... but I feel as though I have fullfilled my obligation. Thinking back to the night I met W, I don't feel like her actions are consistent with her knowing we are friends and being okay with that fact. But I am not going to make that my problem anymore. And yes, my spidey sense is still somewhat tingling. HOWEVER, jj33, you are absolutely right it is about boundaries and I think I have set mine. I am okay and I will continue to be okay. This new information only makes my life a little easier. Thanks! Oh yeah... thanks for idea Freestyle.. That is probably a good way to find out if he is lying or not although I am not sure if that is really all that important anymore! If he is lying than he is the one who has to live with himself!
freestyle Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I really think you should try my suggestion.It could bring about clarification for you. I'm still suspicious about his motives..........
Recommended Posts