AD1980 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 (edited) You always hear women say a Man needs tons of confidence and cant be insecure for them to be attracted and/or date them yet they themslves admit they worry about everything and have numerous insecurities,why is it accepted for women to be that way but Men must be robots? Im not saying you should want to date soeobdy whso a total mess and has no self confidence and is always insecure ,but being insecure and unconfident at times is called being a Human Being.. Some women want Men to be secure and have confidence all the time because they lack it..You should never be in a relationship and expect your partner to fill traits that you lack.. Edited February 10, 2010 by AD1980
bayouboi Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Because men are the stronger sex and should act like it, duh.
carhill Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I used to think this way, but I've recently realized it's merely because I'm choosing to notice and interact with people who aren't compatible. This applies to men too. So, the solution is quite simple. Make a different choice.
BG1985 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Usually men desire insecure women for sex and nothing more.
D-Lish Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I assume everyone has insecurities- it's just not attractive to wear them on your sleeve. It's an annoying quality in both men and women.
Johnny M Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Gender-related double standards are nothing new. There are some things that women can get away with that men can't and vice versa. Women can more easily get away with being shy, indecisive, weak, and irrational. Men can more easily get away with being sluts. That's just life.
mortensorchid Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Men are wimps for the most part. The double standards have turned upon themselves, women are more aggressive and the men got softer. We all have insecurities, that's for sure, but men feel that they can do and say whatever they want while women can't.
Skump Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 You always hear women say a Man needs tons of confidence and cant be insecure for them to be attracted and/or date them yet they themslves admit they worry about everything and have numerous insecurities,why is it accepted for women to be that way but Men must be robots? Because women evolved with a predisposition to nurture and caretake and men with a predisposition to protect and control; human mating preferences evolved to select for these attributes for females and males respectively. Shyness is not in conflict with a nurturing, caretaker role, and so isn't perceived as a strong negative in a woman. Unfortunately, this has the effect of making shyness sort of like an X-chromosome genetic disease - it persists in the population because it doesn't negatively affect women, although it's terrible for men.
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Because shy men are unattractive. Shy people aren't confident- and that's what makes them unattractive.
PhillyDude Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Shy people aren't confident- and that's what makes them unattractive. Shyness doesn't make a woman look unattractive, only a man and this was proven when I would watch dating reality shows.
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Shyness doesn't make a woman look unattractive, only a man and this was proven when I would watch dating reality shows. Well dating reality shows are very true to life- so you should study them carefully for tips.
PhillyDude Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Well dating reality shows are very true to life- so you should study them carefully for tips. What I'm saying is since the man is supposed to LEAD, he looks unattractive if he is bashful and not able to talk.
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 What I'm saying is since the man is supposed to LEAD, he looks unattractive if he is bashful and not able to talk. And what you are saying is true.
Author AD1980 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 So if a guys slightly shy or quiet hes not a real Man and women cant be attracted to him? He has to be loud and try to be the center of attention?
PhillyDude Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 So if a guys slightly shy or quiet hes not a real Man and women cant be attracted to him? He has to be loud and try to be the center of attention? If he is shy to the point where he can't look her in the eyes or hold a conversation then yes it would not be considered a real man.
carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I tend to get quiet around other loudmouth males simply because I don't see healthy discourse as a shouting match. I'm quite confident in my intelligence and life experience and don't need to shout other people down to prove it. I generally just walk away and find other more suitable and interesting people to share with. The loudmouths won't miss me or anyone because their world is completely full of themselves. My stbx had some friends like that, husbands of friends mostly.
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I tend to get quiet around other loudmouth males simply because I don't see healthy discourse as a shouting match. I'm quite confident in my intelligence and life experience and don't need to shout other people down to prove it. I generally just walk away and find other more suitable and interesting people to share with. The loudmouths won't miss me or anyone because their world is completely full of themselves. My stbx had some friends like that, husbands of friends mostly. Oddly enough- I'll always gravitate toward the quiet guy- not the shy guy that says nothing- but I recognize quiet confidence and gravitate towards it.
carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 The dynamic I most often experience in a group where there's a couple 'talkers' is that I'll adopt a listening posture and, sensing a pause point, make eye contact and attempt to speak. If they continue uninterrupted, I make the effort a few more times and then give up. I prefer give and take of ideas and opinions and am always interested in the experiences of others. How can you tell the difference between the quiet, confident guy and the shy, retiring guy? I would guess by body posture and facial expressions and eye movements, but might be wrong. I tend to have this engaged look when listening to men or women, like I'm focused on them. Does that make sense?
Author AD1980 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 Oddly enough- I'll always gravitate toward the quiet guy- not the shy guy that says nothing- but I recognize quiet confidence and gravitate towards it. Thats rare usaaally women gravitate towards the loudmouth because i guess it shows social proof or status to have peoples attention
Author AD1980 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 The dynamic I most often experience in a group where there's a couple 'talkers' is that I'll adopt a listening posture and, sensing a pause point, make eye contact and attempt to speak. If they continue uninterrupted, I make the effort a few more times and then give up. I prefer give and take of ideas and opinions and am always interested in the experiences of others. How can you tell the difference between the quiet, confident guy and the shy, retiring guy? I would guess by body posture and facial expressions and eye movements, but might be wrong. I tend to have this engaged look when listening to men or women, like I'm focused on them. Does that make sense? It is a weird dynamic I talk a decent amount when its a limited amount of people in a room or oen on one once its starts to get larger i kinda get lost in the crowd
meerkat stew Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 The dynamic I most often experience in a group where there's a couple 'talkers' is that I'll adopt a listening posture and, sensing a pause point, make eye contact and attempt to speak. If they continue uninterrupted, I make the effort a few more times and then give up. I prefer give and take of ideas and opinions and am always interested in the experiences of others. How can you tell the difference between the quiet, confident guy and the shy, retiring guy? The way to do this is leaning back imperiously as if the two conversants are debating a point before the king (you of course), and that you will be shortly deciding which one wins the fiefdom and which one is beheaded. :lmao:
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Thats rare usaaally women gravitate towards the loudmouth because i guess it shows social proof or status to have peoples attention Which is a turn off- and it's not indicative of confidence- loud mouth people reek of insecurity.
carhill Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 The way to do this is leaning back imperiously as if the two conversants are debating a point before the king (you of course), and that you will be shortly deciding which one wins the fiefdom and which one is beheaded. :lmao: Great visual I'll remember that.... The odd thing is, amongst the truly successful people I count amongst my friends, whether with myself or others, they conduct themselves with quiet confidence and low-key humor. They don't need to impress or attract anyone. It doesn't matter to them. I always look forward to socializing with them, even if I do nothing other than listen. It's the tone. Hard to explain.
meerkat stew Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Great visual I'll remember that.... The odd thing is, amongst the truly successful people I count amongst my friends, whether with myself or others, they conduct themselves with quiet confidence and low-key humor. They don't need to impress or attract anyone. It doesn't matter to them. I always look forward to socializing with them, even if I do nothing other than listen. It's the tone. Hard to explain. Have been blessed to have cool friends who understand how to conduct conversations in a group, male and female. Some acquaintances of mine, when meeting their circle of best friends, the conversation immediately degenerates into a shouting match of whoever is the loudest has the floor. No one listens to anyone, but is just planning what thing they are going to say next... super boring. With secure people and their group dynamics, they decide instinctively who will be the clown for the conversation, who will be the straight man, who will be the quiet listeners and everyone there switches off roles freely from conversation to conversation, as no one has that childish urge that they have to be heard all the time. Now throw that out the window when entering a club or night-spot, or many other places where women are in the picture and men are seeking to attract them. If you want to get attraction and attention in such a place, you have to step up and compete with every other jackleg trying to do the exact same thing. Despite that many women say they prefer the quiet thoughtful guy out, I have never seen it. Have been the quiet guy and the braying jackass, the ass does better every time IME.
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