HeavenOrHell Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 He wants us to email, after I sent him my goodbye one he said can we email each other as there's a lot he doesn't have words for today, I didn't want a reply full stop, now I'm sucked back into emails, argh, somebody shoot me. I felt relieved for 2 or 3 days after telling him I wanted to stop contact, relieved I'd finally made a decision, now I just feel extremely sad and depressed and horribly lonely without my soul mate. I sent him a cold email saying "I'm not sure there's any point in emailing, I've nothing left to say but I spose you can email if you wanted." I got into a state last night and sent him another one s*** When I'm in a state, crying and anxious and lonely I don't know what to do with those feelings other than turn to him, I can't burden my friends anymore and can't phone them late at night, so what do I do? It's the loneliness, because we were so in tune and close, I miss him terribly.
USMCHokie Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 HoH, You really do have to cut off all contact with him...you made the decision to do that, but you went back on that decision and gave him the option to contact you... If your friends were truly your friends, they wouldn't mind you talking to them into the wee hours of the night, for as long as you need them...and you shouldn't feel guilty...that's what our friends are there for... It will get worse before it gets better...just have faith that it DOES get better...
Meaplus3 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Your best bet to break free form this R once and for all, is total No contact. It may be tough at the start, but worth every second as time goes by. You can do it. Mea:)
ginyi1111 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 It is heartbreaking to hear relationships like yours break down, that there is no ACTUAL reason why he left you... It's such a cliche...but you have to hang on in there. Remember you cannot make someone to love you and stay with you. No matter how much you wish and how hard you pray you must understand deep down inside he is not coming back. I know he came back previously but but for your own sanity, you have to stop thinking it will happen. You will always love him but NC will help you to love him less, therefore will hurt you less.. Now if only I can take my own advice...
GrayClouds Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I sent him a cold email saying "I'm not sure there's any point in emailing, I've nothing left to say but I spose you can email if you wanted." I got into a state last night and sent him another one s*** The game continues. Understand all the email, visits, talks ect. ect. ect. have not, does not and will not make you feel any better. Your going to feel horribly sad, and lonely, and depressed if you have them or if you do not. The only difference is by not having the emails, visits, talks, ect. ect. ect. you are giving yourself a chance to heal. That is the only question you have left do you want to move on and heal? It is your actions not your words that will answer that question. For your sake HoH, please just stop playing the game.
cdt76 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Greyclouds nailed it. It will not feel good and it will not make your heartache any less. It will in the short term (short meaning compared to 80 years of our lifetime) hurt worse because he is completely gone and your mind will wander. It always will. You have to move to a place you feel better about in your own mind and body and contact with him is not going to get you there.
Author HeavenOrHell Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 I know Thanks everyone, your messages DO help. It's like I was thinking of what HE wants when I said he can email if he wants, wtf?! Why do I care what he wants anymore! He's being selfish in trying to get me to not move away and wanting to keep in touch. He can't just have some of me and leave the rest I need to get out in the evenings more, it seems to be the time I feel the worst and feel his absence most. I'm out a lot in the day which helps. Living in what was OUR house doesn't help. My relationship therapist thinks I would heal more quickly if I moved away as our town is so small. BUT when I originally got together with him I said I am moving to such and such a place as my mum grew up here and always brought us here for holidays, and he said could he come to, so we moved together. I wish HE would move away to live near his sister like he suggested we both do last year (when we were together), but of course he won't now he fancies people here (my ex friend mostly). I'm annoyed cos I think he should move, not me, I have family here, he doesn't, he wouldn't have moved to this part of the country if it weren't for me.
LSC Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I know Thanks everyone, your messages DO help. It's like I was thinking of what HE wants when I said he can email if he wants, wtf?! Why do I care what he wants anymore! He's being selfish in trying to get me to not move away and wanting to keep in touch. He can't just have some of me and leave the rest I need to get out in the evenings more, it seems to be the time I feel the worst and feel his absence most. I'm out a lot in the day which helps. Living in what was OUR house doesn't help. My relationship therapist thinks I would heal more quickly if I moved away as our town is so small. BUT when I originally got together with him I said I am moving to such and such a place as my mum grew up here and always brought us here for holidays, and he said could he come to, so we moved together. I wish HE would move away to live near his sister like he suggested we both do last year (when we were together), but of course he won't now he fancies people here (my ex friend mostly). I'm annoyed cos I think he should move, not me, I have family here, he doesn't, he wouldn't have moved to this part of the country if it weren't for me. You should of heard my ex's last message, I didn't answer. You mentioned moving. She somehow found out I was looking to move and she had the nerve to ask if I would sell my place to her and hold the mortgage. Her credit ratings about 10 and her druggie friends never had a real job. This is a house I bought to be our marriage home, my dream home, a mini farm with out buildings, a huge built in pool that her kids as well as mine used to use. Yea so her and her looser friends can hang here destroy it and leave. Do they not think.
nobmagnet Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 hey lovie, you are entitled to feel pain and anxiety. I am a tad gutted you said it was ok for him to contact you as it puts the emotional control back on him............. you need some control of this as you had told him its over. BIG hugs babe. im here if you need me and you havemy number right?? if not i will tell you it on MSN. I always have my moblile by me and if i dont answer it because my snoring out numbers it!! hahahha love Nobby xx
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 HoH, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. NC will be the way to get your life back. That's what I'm counting on anyway. Yesterday I wrote my ex a short goodbye letter, basically see you have a good life type of thing, and left it in my draft box. About an hour ago I deleted it. Let's not give them the satisfaction of knowing we miss them.
GrayClouds Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I know Thanks everyone, your messages DO help. It's like I was thinking of what HE wants when I said he can email if he wants, wtf?! Why do I care what he wants anymore! He's being selfish in trying to get me to not move away and wanting to keep in touch. He can't just have some of me and leave the rest I need to get out in the evenings more, it seems to be the time I feel the worst and feel his absence most. I'm out a lot in the day which helps. That is some of the healthest talk to come out of you HoH. Keep it up. My relationship therapist thinks I would heal more quickly if I moved away as our town is so small. None of that matters, you will heal as fast as your ready no matter if you two live in the same town or he is on the moon. Once you start seeing happiness is not based on him but what you learn about yourself, the rest is just window dressing.
Ronni_W Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I can't burden my friends anymore and can't phone them late at night, so what do I do? One or two of your friends may actually be more than happy and willing to become more involved in supporting you to get out of the cycle in which you're finding yourself. Ask them and let them decide for themselves. HoH, for your own benefit, you gotta make the commitment to find some other way of dealing with your late-night loneliness and anxiety. Whether that's emailing a friend, or journaling, or doing some yoga or meditation. If none of that works out, PM me. I'll be your "burden buddy". And, if I may suggest: Make a decision to stop referring to him as your "soul mate". The longer you think of him that way, the longer and worse you make things on your own heart and mind. Right?
Author HeavenOrHell Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 Cheers Ronni, much appreciated Actually a couple off friends said I can ring ANYtime, although they may not hear the phone if asleep, which is fair enough I'm getting my act together to sort my eves out, I'll get there. I've been quite brave lately trying out new things (which I find hard cos I'm shy). So I'm pleased with myself. One or two of your friends may actually be more than happy and willing to become more involved in supporting you to get out of the cycle in which you're finding yourself. Ask them and let them decide for themselves. HoH, for your own benefit, you gotta make the commitment to find some other way of dealing with your late-night loneliness and anxiety. Whether that's emailing a friend, or journaling, or doing some yoga or meditation. If none of that works out, PM me. I'll be your "burden buddy". And, if I may suggest: Make a decision to stop referring to him as your "soul mate". The longer you think of him that way, the longer and worse you make things on your own heart and mind. Right?
Author HeavenOrHell Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 Well we have been emailing a bit When I wrote the goodbye email I said all the things I miss about him, then he replied and said could we email each other I then wrote a cold one back saying not sure about emailing as I've nothing left to say but he could email if he wanted Yes I was thinking of him again and what he wanted. Anyway, I then had a flip out monday eve as I was missing him and got very low and emailed and said I was sorry for the cold email. He replied and said the other night he'd wanted to write about missing things and that I'd written about what I miss and he said that was very touching and that he's barely begun to grieve for what we had once, and he said "I miss our intimacy terribly." That made me feel happy and sad all in one Makes me feel not so alone with how I feel, but also what a waste. I know I need to avoid further emails though. Thanks for your support nob
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