minniezz Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Hey, I had kept thinking over and over again times through times before i actually made this post. I think i'm extremely confusing now... I'm seeking some advices here pls - First, when it came to girls, whoever i met, i got along with them so well, so fast and after that i got bored really quick... >.> Does this mean there is something wrong with me ? - Second, I dont know if i'm flirtatious or not but... like some people told me that my words are flirtatious... so i'm kinda confusing >.> - How can i know if the way i talk is flirtatious or not ? >.> and is it bad ? D: I really need some advices guys, it keeps bothering me cause it makes me feel hard to settle down with a girl, because like,i like the way i use my words and stuffs, i dont feel like changing it.
Ronni_W Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I don't think being flirtatious is necessarily a bad thing -- those people could be paying you a compliment. Since you've got more than one person telling you the same thing, you'd be as wise to accept what they're telling you. (If it was just one or two people, then you'd need to ask others so that you can get a broader range of perspectives.) Similarly, the best way to find out if you're being "good" flirtatious or "bad" flirtatious (if there is such a thing) is to ask those same people how you're coming across. Ask them to be honest but kind, and to please also give you any suggestions of what/how you can improve (if they think some things need changing) but without losing the essence of who you are. And then you'll still have work to do, to sort through what they've told you, to make your own assessments, and then to decide if, what and how you want to change how you're currently acting around others. As far as getting easily bored with girls you get along with...you're the only one who can help yourself with figuring that out, because it has to do with your own thoughts and feelings. Take the time to think about what makes you end up feeling "bored". What would you need to have in the friendship for you to stay interested? Are you (wrongly) expecting your friendships to provide you with all your 'entertainment and excitement' needs? What are YOU giving to the relationship for it to stay interesting and exciting? How are YOU keeping your own life 'fresh and exciting'?
Author minniezz Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 What would you need to have in the friendship for you to stay interested? Are you (wrongly) expecting your friendships to provide you with all your 'entertainment and excitement' needs? Hi Ronni Yeah, thats a part of the problem. I think i kinda expect to much. I'm not saying that i give out too much but at least that's how i feel. Sometimes, the ideas just pop up in my mind and tell me that the girls dont appreciate what i did for em and like why should i keep doing that ? It keeps happening over and over again.
Ronni_W Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I still think you could ask some of your close friends how you're coming across in social gatherings. Maybe you're trying too hard / coming on too strong / being perceived as fake-phony (I don't know...you'll need to ask the people who hang out with you.) Sometimes, the ideas just pop up in my mind and tell me that the girls dont appreciate what i did for em So...your mind is making up crap about these girls and you're being totally gullible and just buying the crap that your own mind is just making up? Put another way, you're believing your own fantasies, assumptions, guesses and made-up crap? Is that what you're saying? And, if so -- does it make any logical sense to your conscious-intellectual mind for you to be doing that? Your other lesson here is to NOT do things for others when all you're really trying to do is manipulate them into giving you something back (whether it's appreciation, friendship, admiration, whatever.) That's manipulation and NOBODY is going to "appreciate" it. Again, ask people if that's how you're coming across. The lesson is to ONLY do things for others because you want to, it's out of your generosity and caring...and it is without any strings or expectations on your part.
Author minniezz Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 Oh wow, this helps a lot. Yeah, what you said there is all true i think. Thx Ronni :]
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