pgummins Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Hey everyone. I made my first couple of posts this week, you'll find them in my profile. Basically I have been involved with a girl who is in a relationship, I work with her. I broke it off (which was huge for me) and she pleaded, blamed and all those emotions, what an avalanche. I met her for what I would call the last time on Monday, telling her that because she was in a relationship I wanted no part of this, and that if she made changes then we could try it and I thought it would work. I left her, again and that night I felt like I hadn't said all I could say so I wrote a long long email for her to put in her mind while she was thinking or making a decision on what she wanted to do. So I got this email in reply. I consider this her making the decision not in my favour. She wants to stay where she is. Today I'm trying to move on, trying to be happy etc but god I feel miserable, and I know you can't rush things. But can you read this email and tell me what you see from it? I want closure damn it. And this email, I don't think she is clear cut, she still hasn't let me go. God I don't know. She lives with her boyfreind but hasn't talked in months, she says she loves me and I believe she does. See what you think of this, I'm just trying to get closure, I might never get it. Hello! How are you? I know you asked to 'not to reply' but i cant hold it inside. I have so much to tell you David. Since we last met i soppose you think that i've gone quite mad. I made a fool of myself. Every day here is an adventure. lol. Its life. Look at me i act like an idiotic teenager and i call you a kid. OMG i dont know where to start... What a day!!! Phone call woke me up early with a big hangover.. My brothers baby was born! Congratulaions to him and his family. So i was rushing to the shop to get credit and 'painkillers'.. i stood on the ****ing plug and riped my favorite jeens! Ffs could it be worse?! Yes i got home to die and got your txt, so i read that email... i read it and read it and read read... 10 times at least. And to be honest to you it was the first time i actually allowed myself to THINK. I said **** all i'll lay in bed and think... 9 hours later i made myself i cup of coffee and started to write this email. Its so hard to put words on my thoughts but i'll try. First of all i want to tell you are right. You are right in every word you have said. omg how can you be so smart so intelligent? You are only 19. David i thought you are imaginative only and self-confident but you are much clever than that. Your are generous, energetic, patient, kind,cheerfull, sincere, resolute, strong-minded, reliable.. list never ends. my vocabulary did.lol. You are great person, i am so lucky to meet you. And those who are around you they dont realise how lucky they are to be near you. Ok you are who you are but how come you can be so sympathetic, tolerant and understanding to me????? How? I dont know. you have a gift. So i want to thank you for everything: for making me smile,for teaching me ( never forget "patience is for time and patients- doctor" or your saying " **** or get off the pot" lol), for understanding, for so many things you have done... Thank you for reminding me i am a woman i forgot what its like. how it feels... i just didnt care. i just didnt look in the mirror anymore. I forgot it years ago what its like to be nervous before you go to meet someone you like. Thank you David for those feelings i didnt have long time ( i didnt even think i could have them) and the bigest THANK you is for opening my eyes to reality to the situation i am in. Yes i live a lie life. Its so selfish. Yes i am not happy. Nobody is around me. Yes i am fed up trying to please everyone. thats it. all about me..me and me. i have to stand for myself cause noone else will. Whats a meaning of life? generation! **** NO NO NO!!! Happiness? Yes. To be happy. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. Im glad now that i never had children. not yet. Its a long way to go. and unfortunately there are a lot of difficulties as you have said. But at least i see myself where i am and where i was all these years. i can start it now with every small bit. Hmm "the begining is always today" (facebook) lol. I will put a lot of effort and i'll move on i will get myself out of this prison. i will escape. Takes time i know but i win if i do all i can. i know. Anything can happen. If i'll have to run away i will if i'll have to stay - will do. Time only time. day after day i'll get stonger. And believe me i am not afraid to make some changes i am just afraid to pick a wrong way to go... i am afraid to be back in the position i am already. What if there is no magic? what if there in no true love? real love? love for life? I am afraid to waste my time. Its a big risk. David you deserve a medal but i cant award you one. I just hope you know how much i appriciate it. And as i said i wish i never loved you, i never had feelings for you cause you would make the best friend a man can have. Its all about me now. I will do everything what makes me happy. I will go for run tomorow morning. i will go shopping ( need new runners) lol. I will buy a notebook and start diary ( as you told me) and write down my thougts, my feelings.. i will go to church to pray God for strengh to be able to do it all. i will make me happy. i will look after my health, my friends my family. i will write a long long letter to my sis which i was ment to do before xmas and i never had time. i will read a book which i started last year and never had time to finish. Its all about me now. me..me and me. did i say it all? I dont know. maybe. i'll have a diary tomorow whos gonna be my best friend and listen to me for next "hundered and one days".
Author pgummins Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 To add, what helped me make so much progress when I broke was the fact that she texted me everyday. I know that is probably selfish, and I have to admit Ill be waiting on her text tonight, or tomorrow, when she misses me. That email is probably her moving on, isnt it
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Count how many times she said "I", "me", "my". Don't wait for her text, or email. Let go. Sorry for your pain but that email screams SELFISH and she's fully aware of this too. It's always been and will continue to BE ABOUT HER. Re-read that email. Notice how she lets you in on all the important stuff in her life. Sure, she throws you a bone, says some kind things, but she also put you down too, even though subtle, or unintentional, it's there. If you can't find it, let me know. And yes, it is her moving on. It's a goodbye.
Author pgummins Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Count how many times she said "I", "me", "my". Don't wait for her text, or email. Let go. Sorry for your pain but that email screams SELFISH and she's fully aware of this too. It's always been and will continue to BE ABOUT HER. Re-read that email. Notice how she lets you in on all the important stuff in her life. Sure, she throws you a bone, says some kind things, but she also put you down too, even though subtle, or unintentional, it's there. If you can't find it, let me know. And yes, it is her moving on. It's a goodbye. I can't see the put down mate can you show it? I see how the door is left open, but this isn't good enough for me. And I keep reminding myself, call it what it is. I made her feel like a woman, she obviously can't get that from the boyfriend. I know she didn't mean it, but I was used, and thats it. I'd like to move on and accept, but I keep having the past thoughts of us being together and what 'could be'. I'm working valentines day and so will she. I plan to, as I did before, just not look at her or speak to her, I don't know what way she will be.
Author pgummins Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 I keep checking her facebook too. Is there a simple thought process I can go through to let go? Yes I will find someone again, and she was right in her description of me, wow Im a lovely guy and I only seen that with her and after this breakup...
Confused4Now Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I keep checking her facebook too. Is there a simple thought process I can go through to let go? Yes I will find someone again, and she was right in her description of me, wow Im a lovely guy and I only seen that with her and after this breakup...Wow.....these stories are all so familiar. My MW's emails sounded just like that 2 years ago. She's not ready for anything and even though WWIU says reference how many times she says "me, my and I" it is all about her and not about you. She gave you a answer by not doing anything to be in your life. She's learned to be comfortable and live in her situation. People are creatures of habit and even though she's found a best friend in you it's not enough. Keep saying that to yourself....LET HER GO. 6 months down the road after going NC you'll see very clearly.
ladydesigner Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Keep saying that to yourself....LET HER GO. 6 months down the road after going NC you'll see very clearly. Very good advice. 6 months of NC for me has been a real eye opening experience. She definitely will no longer be on the pedestal you have placed her on. Good luck to you and be strong. Stay focused on YOU.
Author pgummins Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Wow.....these stories are all so familiar. My MW's emails sounded just like that 2 years ago. She's not ready for anything and even though WWIU says reference how many times she says "me, my and I" it is all about her and not about you. She gave you a answer by not doing anything to be in your life. She's learned to be comfortable and live in her situation. People are creatures of habit and even though she's found a best friend in you it's not enough. Keep saying that to yourself....LET HER GO. 6 months down the road after going NC you'll see very clearly. Perfect, thank you so much. I'll keep reading this
Author pgummins Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 You've struck a cord and if you can say anything else to make me realize go ahead. I know deep down what the problem is but it helps so much to have someone else confirm
ladydesigner Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 (((pgummins))) Find someone that can reciprocate the love that you desire and need. This girl is not capable of that. First I would get busy start contacting your friends, get out and do stuff with them, go to the gym. Eventually you will tire of feeling this way. Do you want to continue to be strung along and be second best??? Nobody does. Get yourself strong and when you are go NC. It is quite empowering.
Author pgummins Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 I'm on NC now and I won't return Thanks so much.
ladydesigner Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'm on NC now and I won't return Thanks so much. Wow good for you. I know it hurts, but will get easier in time. If you feel like contacting her post here on LS instead, we'll give you support;)
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