Platinum27 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Just wondering if you can give me advice on my situation... my ex and I broke up about 5 months ago, then about 2 or 3 weeks ago we started talking again for the first time and we decided we were gonna give it another chance but her mom didn't want her talking to me. I went and talked to her mom and told her how i felt etc. and my ex was saying that we would work it out and that we just shouldn't talk for now and I didn't understand why she wouldn't want to talk but she said it'll be easier this time 'cause we're not fighting. Anyway, she told me it was gonna take time and that she needs time and that totally confused me since she wanted to give this another chance. So I went to her house and delivered some flowers to her along with a little card i wrote. I wanted her to know how much i really love her. Then we spoke that day and she told me again it's gonna take time blah blah so that night i sent her a message on facebook basically saying that after 4 months of not talking i thought it would make the decision easier for her and that i will respect her decision for time and i said that I know exactly what i want but until she decides then just like she suggested we probably shouldn't talk....she never replied to that. Then a week later she came by my office to drop off a payment and I figured since she didn't get back to me yet i wouldn't mention anything about our relationship. So i didn't and she didn't either but she did tell me that her mom was making this food i like and that i could go by the restaurant to pick some up if i want. I told her i was confused by that since her mom didn't even want us talking but anyway she left and i went after work to pick the food up and my ex was there and then I basically avoided her. I answered her questions if she asked me but i pretty much just talked to her little sister and said thank-you to her mom and then left. I keep waiting for my ex to make some kind of move but part of me thinks that she may think i'm not interested since i was avoiding her and didn't ask her about us... but anyway then this week, I was really missing her and i checked her facebook page and i noticed that right after I left the restaurant that day she changed her status to "it's a love story" then last thursday she changed it to "Playing my own game" then on Sunday she wrote a msg that basically means our tiem has passed. So i'm not 100% sure if these msg's are about me but i think they are....but she hasn't done anything so i've been trying this no contact thing and waiting for her to make a move especially since she was the one who said she needed time but like i said i'm worried because of what happened and her status updates that she's waiting for me to do something and she thinks i'm no longer interested... She has always told me that i'm the best person she's had in her life. However, I should add that our religions are def a factor with the family. One of us is Jewish and the other is Muslim. I always said that i would convert and her family/friends all really like me too. Just her mom has seen that when she breaks up with me how hurt she ends up being and her mom doesn't like seeing her go through that...but it's her own fault. She's the one who broke up with me! anyway, what do you think I should do? Should I keep up with the no contact thing and wait for her to come back to me again?
counterman Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Communication is the key to every relationship. If you do not have effective communication then issues are going to arise and there will be misunderstandings. In your case, it is confusing. The fact that she wants to give the relationship another chance but not talk to avoid fighting. That is a problem. To work on what the issues you two have had in the past, you have to discuss them together and compromise certain things. This cannot be achieved any other way i.e. you cannot just say things will work because we're not fighting since we're not talking. There must be communication. If, however, one of you is not sure of anything ask the other. There is no need to wait and let this confusion bother you. If you two are serious about each other, whenever you are not sure about something ask her and she will ask you if she is not sure. To me, it seems as though both of you are playing a game. I think by coming to your office and telling you to go to pick up some food, she was waiting for you to bring it up, the prospect of you two getting back together. But, you gave her what you thought she wanted which was time. Maybe she was testing how much you were interested in her? I don't know. There is a lot of confusion in the air. So, in my opinion, I think this is going to bug you quite a bit. I don't know the full details but I recommend you just ask her flat out. Even if you go into No Contact, you are "waiting" for her to reply and hoping that she does, where as No Contact should be for the sake of focusing on yourself and yourself only. Ask her, see what answer you get. If she needs time, move on. That means No Contact with her or her family, hang out with your mates, focus on your job, do the things you have always wanted to do and exercise. It's either she says yes she wants to get back together and wants to talk about or no, she doesn't - anything in between you should just forget and move on anyways. Take care of yourself.
GrayClouds Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 NC contact and focus on improving yourself. And unless she comes crying on her hand and knees tearing down your door do not play the game. Sorry about your loss.
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