Vegas Baby Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'll try & make it as simple as possible & please don't judge me, because somehow I fell into this situation. My boss & I have been good friends for while, & especially good coworkers. We got to talking more over the year & getting emotionally involved, becoming to like each other. The thing of it is, is that he is married. I knew that, BUT he would always tell me that he was unhappy & considered seperating from her for awhile. So in my mind I thought, ok maybe him & I have a chance since he said that he could see himself with me in the future & that if & when he got divorced he would absolutely want to be with me. So I began to like him more, naturally & we started hanging out & the most we ever did was kiss, but nothing more. Well, apparently his wife found out about me & asked him if he wanted to work it out, & I'm assuming he said he'd try because he also has a 1 yr-old son with her. I KNOW, trust me I know better than to mess w/that kind of situation BUT my heart got the best of me. He pretty much said he wants to chill for awhile so he can figure things out & told me that maybe he'd surprise me & say that he wanted to be w/me. So we've tried to chill, it's hard to see him, sit near him & not IM like we used to. It breaks my heart & he is sincerely sorry that he lead me on in a way. I don't know to deal with this, the thing of it is, we didnt get to "chill" & talk about it in person, just through text & IM & I feel I deserve a face to face, but I'm not sure what to do. If I ignore him he can't stand it, to where maybe he'd make a decision, but I don't know. What should I do?
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 What should you do??? Why are you even thinking about messing with a married man in the first place? What the hell are you thinking. If he'll cheat on his wife he'll damn sure do it to you. find a single man and dont make excuses about you cant find any. There's plenty.
alg24 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Hi- No judgment at all. Look you have kissed this MM, and obviously have tension on both ends. PLEASE just let it go. You will find yourself in a situation that will cause you A LOT of heartbreak if you continue. You have no idea what his marriage is like, but obviously he is stepping out on it. Would you want your husband to do that?? I am NOT judging you. ((hugs)) I just ended it with my MM and it lasted 2yrs. I went through EVERYTHING with him, and he had young kids. What do I have at the end of two years?? A very broken heart and a lot of regret. Not to mention I met/spoke to the wife at the end and she was the nicest woman- I felt awful because she didn't deserve this treatment. Even if your MM was to eventually head for divorce you will not want to be involved in this. Please forget this man. Keep it professional and move on. I wasted 2yrs on my MM-- I am 21 years old. Only you can make the decision but I highly suggest forgetting this man. If you could understand the pain I am going through right now... I never thought I would fall in love with my MM... Well guess what... 2 1/2 weeks no contact and I am still in a great deal of pain. My MM once said to me-- you are in love with a man who has a family? But wait, he is the one that promised me many things and told me to wait for him... No, no, no, NO- RUN! You aren't a bad person. But will find yourself in a bad situation if you stay. Don't give it time- you don't want this. Good luck =)
I Miss the Kiss Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Ditto... DON'T DO IT. I beg you... don't do it. Please read my latest thread "Blindsided" and you will see what I mean. My xMM, too, has small children and he could not leave them in the end. We had an ENTIRE LIFE planned. We were looking for houses, he wanted to love my daughters like his own. Sadly, I truly believe he wanted this in some way, but in the end he couldn't make it happen. I ended up hospitalized after the last time he tore up my heart. RUN RUN RUN as fast as you can. If you think you are hurting now, wait til you get more involved. I would do ANYTHING to go back in time and have never met this man, as much as I love him. He is toxic and messed up. I am beginning to think he is even sociopathic. My dear, listen to us. Don't do it. Turn from him now and you will be so thankful down the road. I know its hard... If he is ever divorced, then you can re-evaluate. But tell him you want tnothing more to do with him while he is married, if ever. Be strong!
bentnotbroken Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 What tripped you up to help you fall? Was it his lies, his wife, or his infant child? Sorry I don't see how you can trip up on this. You listened to a liar, bought his crap and then when he got busted dropped faster than the lies he told. Be thankful you didn't have sex, consider it a learning experience(of what not to do) and move on.
fooled once Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'll try & make it as simple as possible & please don't judge me, because somehow I fell into this situation. My boss & I have been good friends for while, & especially good coworkers. We got to talking more over the year & getting emotionally involved, becoming to like each other. The thing of it is, is that he is married. I knew that, BUT he would always tell me that he was unhappy & considered seperating from her for awhile. So in my mind I thought, ok maybe him & I have a chance since he said that he could see himself with me in the future & that if & when he got divorced he would absolutely want to be with me. So I began to like him more, naturally & we started hanging out & the most we ever did was kiss, but nothing more. Well, apparently his wife found out about me & asked him if he wanted to work it out, & I'm assuming he said he'd try because he also has a 1 yr-old son with her. I KNOW, trust me I know better than to mess w/that kind of situation BUT my heart got the best of me. He pretty much said he wants to chill for awhile so he can figure things out & told me that maybe he'd surprise me & say that he wanted to be w/me. So we've tried to chill, it's hard to see him, sit near him & not IM like we used to. It breaks my heart & he is sincerely sorry that he lead me on in a way. I don't know to deal with this, the thing of it is, we didnt get to "chill" & talk about it in person, just through text & IM & I feel I deserve a face to face, but I'm not sure what to do. If I ignore him he can't stand it, to where maybe he'd make a decision, but I don't know. What should I do? You deserve a face to face? His wife deserves a husband who isn't cheating. You know what to do. He is married which means he can't date you. Please don't say you 'fell into it'. You had a choice. You chose to continue down a path which is going to lead to major heart ache for you. Now, you can make a choice. To either stop or not. If you don't IM him he gets mad? Is he 2? So what. Be careful, because he can fire you. He can make up all sorts of reasons, but it can be done. You don't want to stop contacting him because you are vying for his attention. You want him to "pick you". Leave him alone. If he cares about you at all, he will stop putting you in the middle of his marriage. I also think you worry that if you stop contacting him, he will stop pursuing you and you are enjoying the attention. Hopefully, his wife doesn't go over his head to the President or Owner of the company and complain about you. Trust me, if it is between him and you, you will probably be the one who is let go. He is feeding you all the normal lines a MM feeds someone. Like I said, if he wanted you, he would end his marriage. And do you really think he is going to end his marriage/break up his family for a subordinate? Hard as it is, tell him you don't date married men and to go work on his marriage.
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 First thing is, you didn't just fall into this. It was a choice, knowing full well he is your boss and also married with kid(s). Don't expect him to put your feelings first, let alone above his wife, or himself. He is going to do what's easiet for himself and that's to back off and hope you respect his decision (and he does have a right to change his mind, end the EA, affair with you, like it or not) to leave him alone and cool off. If anything, his ego and pride is hurting, so don't fall into the trap of thinking he wants to divorce or leave his wife if he contacts you on a personal level. If you can handle working with him, then stay. Do your job, keep your head down and do your work.. If you can't handle it, then consider tranferring to another dept if possible or find another job. Don't make drama happen at work, keep it professional and non personal, unemotional with him. People at work probably know how close you two are, (don't think they don't see or feel the energy between you two, and besides, work gossip can be bad) so you need to keep things light and easy. Just focus on work related stuff if you need to deal with him. Please listen to what everyone is telling you. If you don't, you're going to have alot of pain and regrets.
pureinheart Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'll try & make it as simple as possible & please don't judge me, because somehow I fell into this situation. My boss & I have been good friends for while, & especially good coworkers. We got to talking more over the year & getting emotionally involved, becoming to like each other. The thing of it is, is that he is married. I knew that, BUT he would always tell me that he was unhappy & considered seperating from her for awhile. So in my mind I thought, ok maybe him & I have a chance since he said that he could see himself with me in the future & that if & when he got divorced he would absolutely want to be with me. So I began to like him more, naturally & we started hanging out & the most we ever did was kiss, but nothing more. Well, apparently his wife found out about me & asked him if he wanted to work it out, & I'm assuming he said he'd try because he also has a 1 yr-old son with her. I KNOW, trust me I know better than to mess w/that kind of situation BUT my heart got the best of me. He pretty much said he wants to chill for awhile so he can figure things out & told me that maybe he'd surprise me & say that he wanted to be w/me. So we've tried to chill, it's hard to see him, sit near him & not IM like we used to. It breaks my heart & he is sincerely sorry that he lead me on in a way. I don't know to deal with this, the thing of it is, we didnt get to "chill" & talk about it in person, just through text & IM & I feel I deserve a face to face, but I'm not sure what to do. If I ignore him he can't stand it, to where maybe he'd make a decision, but I don't know. What should I do? Hi VB, first off, welcome.... VB, I noticed this statement he made to you....are you ok witrh this? This is jmo, although it sounds arrogant, if I'm wrong let me know. If it sounds arrogant to you, then think all things out thoroughly before you do anything concerning him, I mean even talking to him as he could be dangling carrots in front of you. I really don't know because I can't hear tones and I really don't know all of the day to day details that only you know, meaning it's difficult to communicate everything in one post... Anyway, please keep posting and I'm glad to see you at LS!
pureinheart Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Sorry VB...you've been at LS for awhile, guess I'm tired and need sleep...lol...well glad to meet you...lol
Hazyhead Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'll try & make it as simple as possible & please don't judge me, because somehow I fell into this situation. My boss & I have been good friends for while, & especially good coworkers. We got to talking more over the year & getting emotionally involved, becoming to like each other. The thing of it is, is that he is married. I knew that, BUT he would always tell me that he was unhappy & considered seperating from her for awhile. So in my mind I thought, ok maybe him & I have a chance since he said that he could see himself with me in the future & that if & when he got divorced he would absolutely want to be with me. So I began to like him more, naturally & we started hanging out & the most we ever did was kiss, but nothing more. Well, apparently his wife found out about me & asked him if he wanted to work it out, & I'm assuming he said he'd try because he also has a 1 yr-old son with her. I KNOW, trust me I know better than to mess w/that kind of situation BUT my heart got the best of me. He pretty much said he wants to chill for awhile so he can figure things out & told me that maybe he'd surprise me & say that he wanted to be w/me. So we've tried to chill, it's hard to see him, sit near him & not IM like we used to. It breaks my heart & he is sincerely sorry that he lead me on in a way. I don't know to deal with this, the thing of it is, we didnt get to "chill" & talk about it in person, just through text & IM & I feel I deserve a face to face, but I'm not sure what to do. If I ignore him he can't stand it, to where maybe he'd make a decision, but I don't know. What should I do? Vegas, trust me, it will break your heart even more the more you allow him to pull you in. I'm not saying he's insincere with his attraction and care for you, but he has a wife and she will always come first. By asking you to 'chill' he is effectively gaslighting you - keeping you waiting for him, ie. keeping his options open. You won't get your face-to-face conversation whilst it doesn't suit him to give it to you. But, you do know that he is not leaving his marriage at this point in time, regardless of how much he thinks about it. Protect yourself and your heart and pull back. Tell him if he was single it would be a different story, but he isn't. He may be at some point in the future. Who knows. But, please, don't put your life on hold for him.
Author Vegas Baby Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 first of all i wanted to thank everyone for their advice and support and i'm glad i'm not alone in this i agree with what everyone has to say....right now since the "break up" is still fresh and new and i literally have to see him everyday at work, it's slowly getting better. we used to be good friends before this mess and i think it hurts me worse that we can't even be friends right now, or at least i can't handle it right now even talking to him AND not talking to him. it's all just confusing right now and trying to keep it professional at the same time is stressing me out. that's why i asked for a day off from work tomorrow to clear my head of everything and take a breather. he's obviously aware that i'm doing this BUT i honestly don't care what he thinks. the last thing i said to him was yesterday in IM: (before i posted this thread) "i definitely think it's best that we chill and that i should take a break from all of this..i wish u the best & i might not be there when u make your final decision, (because he said that if he did get a divorce he would see where i'm at & go from there) u always told me that you weren't happy and i tried to make you happy even just as friends. but i've learned in life that you can't change a person , that they can only change themselves. i hope i at least helped you with something through all of this" and then today i just emailed him while he wasn't there and told him that i need a break because i can't have this drama at work & it's hard to lose a good friend that i honestly trusted and told everything to. i'm not sure why he left work today, it was unexpected tho so i'm not sure what's going on with him but i know he's not doing well. anyway, that is where i'm at right now...
fooled once Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Okay, so now you have basically twice reached out to him and told him you can't handle this and need a break. Stop contacting him. Stop waiting for him to beg you to reconsider. Stop waiting for him to email you/IM you. Move forward. You know he is married. Leave him alone. My advice, starting looking for a new job because I don't think you are going to be able to handle this job anymore because the dynamics have changed and they will never go back to how they were.
fooled once Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Fooled once gave you some great advice, please follow it and do look for another job. It will make it so much easier for you to get completely away from him and go on with your life because seeing him every day will make it harder to get him out of your head. You can't be friends with him, ever ever again and don't kid yourself thinking that you can. I expect he took advantage of you being young and naive, is that right? Hon he used the oldest trick in the book, I'm sorry to say. {I'm not happy and I'm THINKING about getting a divorce.} Just thinking about getting a divorce is really a load of BS. All he was doing was pondering it a bit. Don't complicate your life like this and let him steal something away from you that you can't get back......you deserve better. Hugs... I swear there is a book that MM use!
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