blueroses7234 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Hey everyone. So basically, this is my situation: I am a 20 year old college student. over the summer while on a job, I met a fell in love with a guy who is also in college, but states away. We each broke up with our respective significant others for each other, but once the job was over and I returned to school, I was bullied by my abusive now-ex boyfriend into breaking it off with the guy I met over the summer who I really love(d). It was messy, and I've regretted losing this person who I really think may be right for me. I also regret allowing an abusive, desperate man (my now ex) to manipulate me into giving up what I really wanted. This was in September. Since then, this other guy has gotten in touch with me a few times, but it has been a couple months since we've spoken. I'm wondering if the ball is now in my court. I really miss him, and my feelings for him remain even though it was August when I last saw him. I would really love to get back in touch with him, not necessarily as a "hey, let's try it again" sort of thing, but I just miss talking to him, and if that eventually led to something more, that would be amazing. I think about him all the time. I know he's now back with the girl he originally broke up with for ME, the girl he always told me he knows he's not going to marry and who he knows is not really right for him. So, do I take that chance? His birthday is coming up in a few days, so I was thinking of using that as an excuse to get back in touch. I'm very nervous, though. But nothing ventured, nothing gained I suppose! I would love to hear your thoughts!
DustySaltus Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Any conversation you have with him needs to start with, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake and willing to do whatever it takes to make things work". If you are NOT willing to say that to him but you do really care about him, you need to let him go. Second chances are tough because someone is really going to need to swallow their pride. Yes, the ball is in your court because you were the dumper. If you want to pursue him you're going to have have to put 150% into it. A second chance cannot work unless the problems that led to the initial breakup are resolved. So with that being said, are you prepared to do this?
Author blueroses7234 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 if it gets to that point, yes, i am prepared to do that. i don't have a problem with swallowing my pride right now, especially in this situation. i just really want the line of communication to be able to be opened up again, if nothing else. i'm hoping he will be happy to hear from me, but if he isn't, then i guess it wasn't meant to be. i am a little nervous though, as can be expected.
DustySaltus Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 if it gets to that point, yes, i am prepared to do that. i don't have a problem with swallowing my pride right now, especially in this situation. i just really want the line of communication to be able to be opened up again, if nothing else. i'm hoping he will be happy to hear from me, but if he isn't, then i guess it wasn't meant to be. i am a little nervous though, as can be expected. I can understand that. Well, I think you should go ahead and do it. Whatever happens at least you can live with the fact that you did all you could. Let us know how it goes. Good luck.
Author blueroses7234 Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Well, I did it! I sent him a message last night just saying that I was thinking of him and hoping he's had a good birthday. I did a pretty good job of not worrying about it all last night, but now that it's morning I'm a little more nervous lol. I guess I just don't know what I expect out of it, if anything. I'm hoping to just be able to open up the lines of communication again. So we'll see...
sean1 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Well, I did it! I sent him a message last night just saying that I was thinking of him and hoping he's had a good birthday. I did a pretty good job of not worrying about it all last night, but now that it's morning I'm a little more nervous lol. I guess I just don't know what I expect out of it, if anything. I'm hoping to just be able to open up the lines of communication again. So we'll see... he may not reply to this. if you read alot of the other topics us guys ignore stuff like that. simply because we hink you want us as a safety net. if you say something like. "hey ____ i just wanted to say i have thought long and hard about the time we were together and about the breakup. i am so so sorry i made a mistake.i should not of broke up with you. i hope we can resolve the issues let the past be the past and enjoy being together again." if my ex sent me that...id be ringing her straight away. id be at her house in fact. id just want to be with her.
Author blueroses7234 Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 hmm, it's interesting you say that because my instinct IS to be like, "i've realized over the past months what a mistake i made, etc" but i was hesitant to do it because i didn't want him to perceive me as desperate or disrespectful in any way. i was hoping that a friendly message would be better, but maybe not.
sean1 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 hmm, it's interesting you say that because my instinct IS to be like, "i've realized over the past months what a mistake i made, etc" but i was hesitant to do it because i didn't want him to perceive me as desperate or disrespectful in any way. i was hoping that a friendly message would be better, but maybe not. if hes doing n.c on you then hell mostlikely think your fishing for an ego boost with little texts like. "hey how you. hop you had a good time other day. i missed you. things used to be so good" that doesnt say. im sorry. i made a mistake and i want you back. you will have to tell hime how you feel. ring him. talk on phone. or send a text like mine above! just go for broke. either he still wants you or he doesnt.
DustySaltus Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 (edited) hmm, it's interesting you say that because my instinct IS to be like, "i've realized over the past months what a mistake i made, etc" but i was hesitant to do it because i didn't want him to perceive me as desperate or disrespectful in any way. i was hoping that a friendly message would be better, but maybe not. You have to be desperate to get him back. You have to swallow your pride. I wouldn't respond to what you initially said. You have to try harder. Edited February 14, 2010 by DustySaltus grammar
Author blueroses7234 Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 Well, I guess you guys were right, or so it seems right now, because I haven't gotten a response. I shouldn't have assumed that he would be happy to hear from me; I suppose I had that idea since he was the one to last initiate contact. But now I just find myself even more confused and upset than ever. I'm hesitant to send him a text or something. I just don't know what to do.
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