melissa123 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I aplolgise in advance if this makes no sense .. I need help sorting out my head and want to know if what im going through is in anyway normal?! I don't even know where to start by my main problem here is that I can't seem to decide what I want. Im 21 and have had two serious bfs whom I really loved and who both broke my heart. I was an ugly teenager and spent my teenage years falling for guys but getting rejected many many times. My last bf and I broke up about a year and a half ago and I have been single ever since. I really want mr right in my life and am so jealous of all my friends in steady relationships or getting married etc. Anyway recently the tables have turned and I seem to be getting many offers for some strange reason. But the thing is I dont want any of them. I always seem to find a fault in them and they never fufill what im really after ... I recently dated this guy for about 2 months and one day I liked him then next I despised him and so on. I never act out on these feelings but I get so confused and upset with myself. The guy im talking about left the country today for good and yesterday I couldnt have cared less but today in crying my eyes out. In my defence most of the offers I have gotten lately are from guys that sleep around or lie constantly and even a crazy stalker but there are some good ones in there that I just dont find myself attracted to So if all I want is Mr Right in my life why do I keep turning down any chance I have at finding him? Is it wrong to be picky? And if the right guy comes along will I know or will I just let my chance pass by like every other time?
engravefeelthevoid Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I was in your shoes once...I only went for hot girls thinking that they are by all means perfect although I wasnt that attractive....suddenly things changed for no obvious reason...I was able to meet and hook up with all the attarctive girls out there....the first one I hooked up with broke my heart :S second one I messed it up bc I loved her...and now am dating another one whos a 9/10 I've been to the two extremes....what I learned was...there is no such thing as Mrs. or Mr. right....no one is perfect and you can find faults in almost any guy or girl.....but I believe that in the end if ur lucky you would meet someone who isnt that hot and maybe not that successful...but is understanding...caring and loving...and that is more important than all other physical qualities.... I swear to you that at this moment I know girls who would make me happy my whole life....but for hormonal reasons I just aim for the hot ones....and who knows ? maybe one of the hot ones could be "the one" I'm trying to get the best out of both worlds. If I was in your position now...I would engage in more social activities...meet people and learn to understand them...take it slow with guys and dont let them use you physically....unless u want some physical connection....but if ur serious about a healthy relationship...forget about appearance...
Author melissa123 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Hey thankyou so much for your reply I really appreciate it on a crappy day like today! Just to clarify I dont got for hot guys at all. Looks don't really play an important part for me. I guess growing up with bracess, frizzy hair, acne and being constantly teased has made me realise that looks aren't important and are not always something that can be helped! I realise there is fault in every one (myself included!) but I cant seem to get past them Of the people I have 'attracted' one slept with just about anything which turned me off, the other stalked me (seriously), and the other one constantly told lies which was a big turn off for me! I long soooo much to met the right guy but I keep passing up on any chance to do so I seem to really like the ones you mentioned (caring, quiet, romantic etc) but I cant seem to find that anywhere Do I settle for what I can get or do I carry on being picky and alone forever?
soulm8 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 When someone is "right" for you, you won't feel like you're settling.
engravefeelthevoid Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 mm well nothing wrong in being picky we all want the best...but be picky for the qualities that would make you happy....again I repeat..work on yourself and on your social life...when you have a broad base of guys to observe and analyze...the higher the chances would be in finding the right guy...this is called moving from a mind of scarcity to a mind of abundance....otherwise you'll fall in love with the first guy who displays those qualities but may have a bad quality that you'd ignore due to you need for this guy.... If it comforts you.... I was rejected by every girl I approached...I lost all my self confidence and gave up on girls...I hit rock bottom.......suddenly after a 2 week break...i came back and I was all pumped up in the gym...I became one of the top 10 most wanted guys in my university....felt good at first....but its just like winning the lottery.....you have no control over the gains....suddenly you lose everything....I failed 4 courses so far after being an |A| student for 13 years...I cant manage my time..and am always struggeling with my feelings for a hot girl I like....I lost some of the stability and safety I had...now I'm doing my best to balance between everything.
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