RxRutledge Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 The question at hand - Is this ever going to amount to anything at all or is it time to cut my losses? The scenario - I met this woman (in her 20s). She works at a private club that I've been a member of for years. I made it a point to come in when she was working and about the 3rd or 4th time I finally got up the nerve to ask her how she felt about dating older men (I'm 41... I look about 31... thanks for the good genes Mom). She said she didn't have a problem with it (apparently she's always dated older men) and gave me her number. I'm a big fan of texting and luckily enough she is, too. We texted everyday for quite some time and hung out, basically from the time we woke until the time we went to sleep, but never really went out. I asked why the hesitation since we obviously had a connection. She said that it was because she had just had her heart broken and wasn't ready to go through it again. So, I waited and kept on with our friendship. After several weeks I asked her to give me one chance and allow me to take her out on a real date. She agreed. The date wasn't stellar. Although she seemed to be enjoying herself I could sense an uneasiness. The date ended with an awkward kiss good night and me resigning myself to just being friends. Which I relayed to her. She said she didn't want that and that she just wasn't prepared. After that night I noticed that the texts became less and less frequent. We would go days without talking to each other and I let it go. Started actually dating someone else and still remaining somewhat friends with her. I hung out where she worked, it would have been awkward not to. A couple of weeks went by and she started contacting me again. We both agreed that we were going to be friends and just enjoy each others company. Again, texting everyday all day. Hanging out with her during her shifts and then one night she opens up and starts openly talking about very sexual subjects. Not with me specifically but within a group of our close friends. It was a side to her I hadn't seen yet, so later that night I let her know that my perception of her had totally changed. She asked me to return the favor since she had been so open. It was my turn. So we began to discuss extremely private experiences with each other and even fantasies. It became apparent that we had a sexual chemistry, as well as a very good friendship. One night I'm hanging out with her and a couple of friends. We're texting each other some fairly risque material and having fun doing it. We go to leave and I hug her goodnight (like a good friend). She lets out some sort of sigh of frustration and gets in her car. As soon as I leave I get a text that says "Don't let go next time" and another "I'm willing, but you have to take charge" and another "When you come in tomorrow, kiss me, kiss me hard..." So begins the courting phase, we've finally pushed past the friend walls into something more. We're still seeing and talking the same amount (which is basically everyday), but now her manner has softened. Her friends are now setting up couples activities through me. This goes on for about two weeks and I schedule a get away for us. I check with her everyday that week to make sure that she'll have the time and is still open to the idea. She's fine and then... The day before our trip she drops the "I have so much going on in my head that I don't know if I have time for another person in my life". "I was just getting comfy with us being friends and then all of a sudden we were together and it scared me..." This was (4) days ago. We still talk everyday all day. See each other 5-6 times a week. She tells me that she doesn't think its fair for me to wait around for her to figure stuff out, but she doesn't want me to just walk out of her life. That we were meant to be really good friends. The problem that I'm having is not so much that I want more than friendship (duh), but I've done nothing but follow her lead the entire time and I'm still confused as hell. Her actions certainly don't match up with what she says and I wish it was just my perception that was skewed. I'm a pretty logical guy and I know if I'm barking up the wrong tree, but even her friends and my friends saw her change and saw that we were more than that. Everything in me is telling me to just move on, but there's that stupid little part that let me get attached to her and until I stop looking to see if it's her every time my phone rings, I'm afraid I'm stuck.
Yamaha Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 She tells me that she doesn't think its fair for me to wait around for her to figure stuff out, but she doesn't want me to just walk out of her life. That we were meant to be really good friends. This is all you need to know about her intentions. If you want more than friendship look elsewhere and don't spend your time trying to change her mind. An interested girl would never say this to you.
Author RxRutledge Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Thanks Y... I think I just needed to hear that from an unbiased person.
DustySaltus Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I personally would've grabbed her and kissed her when you walked her to the car. She seems like a girl that doesn't want to talk about things, she just wants them to happen. In my opinion if you just want to have fun, she's your girl. If you're looking for something more serious though, keep looking.
sagetalk Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Some girls will make you a cuddle buddy, but never let you go any farther than that. I'd say she just wants to be friends.
St. Nick Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 You've been exiled to friend's zone, man. It's like Devil's Island, almost impossible to escape.
Author RxRutledge Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 I personally would've grabbed her and kissed her when you walked her to the car. She seems like a girl that doesn't want to talk about things, she just wants them to happen. In my opinion if you just want to have fun, she's your girl. If you're looking for something more serious though, keep looking. I'd be more than happy to be friends with benefits. I've actually done the forceful thing a couple of times. Just gotta know when it's really no and the last time it was.
mem11363 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Step up - be sexually aggressive. That means do it NOW. I does not mean schedule a multi-day getaway to try and amplify how I feel via your wallet. The night she said - don't let go next time - should have been - you calling her and saying - get back here NOW and we are going to my place. And she wants a hard/rough kiss and likely to be held down during sex and possibly/probably 50/50 be spanked etc. You have so misread this - amazing. Being to passive is NOT going to heat a woman up. The question at hand - Is this ever going to amount to anything at all or is it time to cut my losses? The scenario - I met this woman (in her 20s). She works at a private club that I've been a member of for years. I made it a point to come in when she was working and about the 3rd or 4th time I finally got up the nerve to ask her how she felt about dating older men (I'm 41... I look about 31... thanks for the good genes Mom). She said she didn't have a problem with it (apparently she's always dated older men) and gave me her number. I'm a big fan of texting and luckily enough she is, too. We texted everyday for quite some time and hung out, basically from the time we woke until the time we went to sleep, but never really went out. I asked why the hesitation since we obviously had a connection. She said that it was because she had just had her heart broken and wasn't ready to go through it again. So, I waited and kept on with our friendship. After several weeks I asked her to give me one chance and allow me to take her out on a real date. She agreed. The date wasn't stellar. Although she seemed to be enjoying herself I could sense an uneasiness. The date ended with an awkward kiss good night and me resigning myself to just being friends. Which I relayed to her. She said she didn't want that and that she just wasn't prepared. After that night I noticed that the texts became less and less frequent. We would go days without talking to each other and I let it go. Started actually dating someone else and still remaining somewhat friends with her. I hung out where she worked, it would have been awkward not to. A couple of weeks went by and she started contacting me again. We both agreed that we were going to be friends and just enjoy each others company. Again, texting everyday all day. Hanging out with her during her shifts and then one night she opens up and starts openly talking about very sexual subjects. Not with me specifically but within a group of our close friends. It was a side to her I hadn't seen yet, so later that night I let her know that my perception of her had totally changed. She asked me to return the favor since she had been so open. It was my turn. So we began to discuss extremely private experiences with each other and even fantasies. It became apparent that we had a sexual chemistry, as well as a very good friendship. One night I'm hanging out with her and a couple of friends. We're texting each other some fairly risque material and having fun doing it. We go to leave and I hug her goodnight (like a good friend). She lets out some sort of sigh of frustration and gets in her car. As soon as I leave I get a text that says "Don't let go next time" and another "I'm willing, but you have to take charge" and another "When you come in tomorrow, kiss me, kiss me hard..." So begins the courting phase, we've finally pushed past the friend walls into something more. We're still seeing and talking the same amount (which is basically everyday), but now her manner has softened. Her friends are now setting up couples activities through me. This goes on for about two weeks and I schedule a get away for us. I check with her everyday that week to make sure that she'll have the time and is still open to the idea. She's fine and then... The day before our trip she drops the "I have so much going on in my head that I don't know if I have time for another person in my life". "I was just getting comfy with us being friends and then all of a sudden we were together and it scared me..." This was (4) days ago. We still talk everyday all day. See each other 5-6 times a week. She tells me that she doesn't think its fair for me to wait around for her to figure stuff out, but she doesn't want me to just walk out of her life. That we were meant to be really good friends. The problem that I'm having is not so much that I want more than friendship (duh), but I've done nothing but follow her lead the entire time and I'm still confused as hell. Her actions certainly don't match up with what she says and I wish it was just my perception that was skewed. I'm a pretty logical guy and I know if I'm barking up the wrong tree, but even her friends and my friends saw her change and saw that we were more than that. Everything in me is telling me to just move on, but there's that stupid little part that let me get attached to her and until I stop looking to see if it's her every time my phone rings, I'm afraid I'm stuck.
Author RxRutledge Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 The night she said - don't let go next time - should have been - you calling her and saying - get back here NOW and we are going to my place. And she wants a hard/rough kiss and likely to be held down during sex and possibly/probably 50/50 be spanked etc. You have so misread this - amazing. Fun you say this. I actually ripped a u-turn immediately and drove straight to her house and told her come out now!. I tried, brother.
Thebob Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 This is all you need to know about her intentions. If you want more than friendship look elsewhere and don't spend your time trying to change her mind. An interested girl would never say this to you. Girls are retarded, happened to me this summer. I had sexual relations with this girl but she never wanted to have me as a boyfriend. She told me that I shouldn't be waiting around for her, when her mind is so bundled and she wanted to live college single and experience it. Then 1.5 months later she has a brand new boyfriend who she made fun of with me during the summer. Girls are dangerous, can act all sweet, have great sexual relations then bam that switch can turn off in a second and your not good enough for them. Thebob
Author RxRutledge Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Girls are retarded, happened to me this summer. I had sexual relations with this girl but she never wanted to have me as a boyfriend. She told me that I shouldn't be waiting around for her, when her mind is so bundled and she wanted to live college single and experience it. Then 1.5 months later she has a brand new boyfriend who she made fun of with me during the summer. Girls are dangerous, can act all sweet, have great sexual relations then bam that switch can turn off in a second and your not good enough for them. Thebob I hear ya. Who knows what this chick is thinking. Guessing I shouldn't be hovering around waiting for her to make up her mind. Thanks.
DustySaltus Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Girls like this will drive you crazy unless you accept the fact that you will not pursue a relationship with them and just milk it for what it really is, a fling.
Thebob Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Girls like this will drive you crazy unless you accept the fact that you will not pursue a relationship with them and just milk it for what it really is, a fling. Just milk the sexual fun while you look for another girl, that is the only way. It'll show that your distracted and your not paying as much time to her as you used to and it might change her mind. But who knows. Good luck Thebob
Left in a Lurch Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I think she was clear she wanted you to take charge but got tired of waiting for you to do so. I think you can still step up and make it happen, but now you have to up it x2 to get her interested again.
Author RxRutledge Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Thanks for all of the advice. Helps to have others perspectives. Thanks folks!
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