Breaking up 2 or more times, do these relationships ever work out?

[Guest]

Hello everyone, long time lurker, first time poster. I've got a few questions that i hope people will share some answers with.

 

Anyone out there breakup with thier siginficant other 2 or more times?

Does anyone know of any relationships that have worked out in such instances?

 

Please share your experiences, opinions, etc.

[Baubles]

I too ponder this question myself.

 

I have been on and off w/ a guy for the past year and a half- why just last year he broke up w/ me three times. Why I go back...? Who the heck knows.

 

We've been back together for the past month- took a 4 day vacation together, he's planning a valentine's day trip, spent 5 of the last 7 days together, last night told me he cared very much for me, i said i did too, he said he knows just worried he doesn't tell me often enough.

 

BUT...it's all tenuous...the trust is broken. As soon as I feel myself trusting him again, I remember just how quickly he has proven he can break up w/ me over the silliest things. I think I've determined he has way more committment issues than I can imagine...or I'm simply not the one he wants to marry but likes hanging out w/ me, as he has yet to say he loves me...even though I haven't said it in almost a year either...(when you keep breaking up w/ someone that happens!)

 

so, yeah...I got back w/ someone 3 TIMES in a year and a half. Is that a good sign? Most likely not. It can happen though. I want to believe it's b/c he cannot be apart from me...but part of me knows if I was the one he wouldn't ever want to split.

 

Hope it works for you...

[Gracie]

Hi to both of you!

I am currently in the middle of the same situation. My boyfriend and I broke up two days ago, and then last night he called me and said he was worried I was looking for another boyfriend and that he can't stop thinking about me and doesn't want to break up. When we first got together, he broke up with me for a weekend. I have to say, however, he said when he broke up with me this time that he just needed a bit of a break and I made sure that he was not "taking a break" so that he could...cheat without cheating I guess you could say. I am in the same quandary and don't know what he's thinking! At this point, I'm sure we will get back together, but I keep wondering when the next time will be...and I don't think I deserve to be treated like this!! Doesn't it make you feel...well...dispensible? I feel like he can be without me just as much as he can be with me and his main fear is that I will find a man that will treat me the way I am supposed to be treated.

[Marty_McFly]

I'm wondering if this is the right forum to post that question and get the answer you want to hear. I posted elsewhere that I optimistically try to think that few of the happy endings ever make it to this board. People who post here are usually hurting, and post no longer than about three months at the most (just look at the registration dates of 90% of the people who post), and then they've healed enough that they don't have to post anymore. Since a lot of these things take so much time, I like to think that there are a lot of happy endings that occur after folks have been away from here for a while, and by that time, they don't think to or want to come back to share their good news.

[Gracie]

well....I'm guessing this IS the right forum for all of your questions regarding relationships and breaking up! What we're talking about is repetitive breaking up. Sure, it does involve getting back together, but that's the easy part. And I disagree, I have been on this site regarding lots of issues in my past 3 relationships..and it does help to get a second opinion!!

[xalysabethh]

i dont have any advice or anything just my situation . me and my husband (who are currently in the middle of a divorce) broke up about 11 time in the past 9 years. i never did the breaking up he did. i had finnanly had enough this time and wont take him back now hes devestated saying he'll change etc... blah blah. my situation didnt work out but i dont know aabout any one elses just thought i'd put my experience in here

[xalysabethh]

i dont have any advice or anything just my situation . me and my husband (who are currently in the middle of a divorce) broke up about 11 time in the past 9 years. i never did the breaking up he did. i had finnanly had enough this time and wont take him back now hes devestated saying he'll change etc... blah blah. my situation didnt work out but i dont know aabout any one elses just thought i'd put my experience in here

[Errol]

My spouse and I broke up quite a few times when we were dating and once after we were married. Over things that seem so silly now - but I see almost the same situations posted on here by others who are going through it. It hurt while in the middle of it, but that hurt passed and now we are very happy together. We have some problems now and then, but unlike we used to when we were young - now we downgrade the drama and work through the problems logically.

[maui2k3]

I can unfortunately say I have been part of a relationship that has broken up multiple times over the last 1 1/2+ yrs. She has broken up with me 3 times in that time including again last night. Why? A pretty serious reason why... She told me she does not see herself marrying me. She is 33 and I am 32. She is divorced and has been hurt in the past and has comittment problems as a result. In the past when we have broken up it has been for a couple of months then she wanted me back. Will that happen again? Who knows... I swore to myself lat summer that I would not take her back again unless she honestly wanted me back. Foolishly I believed her when she told me that in October. I ended up breaking up with someone else I started to see to take her back and in the end she just broke up with me yet again.

 

Based on her track record I can see a couple of things potentially happening. She starts to see someone else and she then pulls the same thing on them and wants me back again as I am her security blanket. Or she does not find anyone and wants me back out of lonliness. Any way I look at it I do not see the reason to consider a 4th go around. Because I have taken her back before, my heart would probably make me suceptible again to that happening. When and if it will is another question. The one thing I do know is I feel stupid for believing her last October when she said she was ready for marriage and moving forward. Unfortunately once she got me back it was just the same old situation all over again.

 

So in answer to the original posters question - yes people do get back together after multiple breakups. However, this relationship has been the most disfunctional I have ever been in and is not the type of relationship I would search for. Will this relationship work long term and can we get back together again? It is highly unlikely it will work long term, but not out of the question getting back together comes up yet again. I honestly hope this time it is for good and I can move on and leave the heart ache behind once and for all.

 

My recommendation... When you break up several times, break the cycle and do not go back because you will end up in the same place you left off - unhappy...

[gaia]

We broke up 3 times in the first 3 months. Now we have just had our 8th wedding anniversary and are still very happy together. Sometimes these things are down to adjustment.