Hazyhead Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I've been coming to terms with what damage I caused by getting involved in an affair, or trying to come to terms, I suppose. I posted something on the Infidelity board and it was commented that it was refreshing to be shown remorse. But (sorry to repeat myself), one thing I have learned whilst posting on LS, is that a lot of OW/OM regret their actions. Or, that their experience with the person they cared for/loved was as part of an affair. I still love the married man I was involved with, but I would not ever engage in a relationship of that manner again, due to the hurt it causes. Myself included in those hurt. Anyway, I'm babbling, the point of my thread is that I have been watching the TV show 'The Good Wife' and I think it portrays the situation well, from the BS point of view. When I see cheating on TV or film now it does strike a chord with me and the guilt rushes in, despite how much I enjoy the show! I was wondering how many others feel the same when watching TV/film.
Author Hazyhead Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Or shows/films that are too painful to watch because they stir up the hurt again. (forgot to add that bit)
jennie-jennie Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Anyone else noticed how often the WS gets killed in movies and such?
atlnay Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Anyone else noticed how often the WS gets killed in movies and such? U just summed up 1/3 of the movies on Lifetime. the other 1/3 is the BS getting killed with the OW/M getting offed in the last 1/3 of their movie library. Doubt my theory, catch any weekend themed marathon. lol
Samantha0905 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'm a WS and Jennie's comment made me nervous. I haven't noticed, but now I will. LOL We're still not having sex here so every time they show a couple having sex on television or in the movies I feel extremely uncomfortable around my spouse. Neither one of us are making an approach, so it's like a stalemate. I will say that I seem to be wanting to watch romantic "happily ever after" movies lately. It just cheers me up there's someone out their being romantic even if they are just characters in a movie. I, on the other hand, have no desire to watch "Fatal Attraction."
alg24 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I had an affair at a very young age (I am 21 now) it ended a couple weeks ago and lasted 2yrs. I was young and stupid, and I would never enter into another affair again. It caused way to much pain all around, and I do feel awful for the BS because she truly did not deserve this. Its easy to pin EVERYTHING on the OW, but I think thats unfair. I was single. I did not force my MM into anything, actually in he beginning I was chased. As my exMM's W told me she does not blame me. I was NOT married to her- she told me she hopes it teaches me a lesson in being involved in other peoples lives/marriages... But she also saw the lies and bull**** I was beginning fed. Not to mention that regardless of being the OW I had feelings and did "love" the MM. Very screwed up... Part of me feels responsible for "wrecking" his marriage... But at the same token if it was not me it would have been someone else... A good older friend who has gone through divorce told me that someone else/OW or OM can't break a marriage... I think thats true. I don't blame the W-- I don't feel its the W's fault... But you can NOT pin everything on the OW... I was single... I fell in love with this guy... I was promised many things, and hurt VERY badly in the end. And the pain I feel is MY pain, I do not blame anyone else. After being involved in this A I WOULD never fool around with a MM again. I don't care if he is different, wow the connections, etc ITS ALL LIES! All MM are the same! I also think that a MM who cheats is a cheater... He lives on the thrill of cheating and will do it regardless if he is happy or not... As far as TV is concern I think many of the programs that involve As are usually from the BS point of view... Not very fun to watch =/
pureinheart Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Or shows/films that are too painful to watch because they stir up the hurt again. (forgot to add that bit) Oh yes HH, as soon as I read your attachment. The movie that portrayed the life of Johnny Cash, "Walk the Line", is almost to a tee the exact same emotions, what went down....everything....I am unable to watch that movie now.
pureinheart Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Anyone else noticed how often the WS gets killed in movies and such? Actually no, not until you mentioned it....
pureinheart Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'm a WS and Jennie's comment made me nervous. I haven't noticed, but now I will. LOL We're still not having sex here so every time they show a couple having sex on television or in the movies I feel extremely uncomfortable around my spouse. Neither one of us are making an approach, so it's like a stalemate. I will say that I seem to be wanting to watch romantic "happily ever after" movies lately. It just cheers me up there's someone out their being romantic even if they are just characters in a movie. I, on the other hand, have no desire to watch "Fatal Attraction." (Bold) Me either....
Author Hazyhead Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Anyone else noticed how often the WS gets killed in movies and such? I hadn't noticed that either. Yikes.
Author Hazyhead Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 As far as TV is concern I think many of the programs that involve As are usually from the BS point of view... Not very fun to watch =/ I agree. Not fun at all. But for me they've been, and still are, part of the healing process, enabling me to see with more clarity the point of view that I had either tried not to think about before, or misunderstood. Oh yes HH, as soon as I read your attachment. The movie that portrayed the life of Johnny Cash, "Walk the Line", is almost to a tee the exact same emotions, what went down....everything....I am unable to watch that movie now. I haven't seen this film but will try to watch it. Maybe it's a form of self-harm (Eek) but I find that watching storylines that explore affairs and those involved help to keep me focused and remind me of why I will never put myself, or others, in that situation again.
OWoman Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I've seen movies that have left me feeling angry, movies that have left me feeling sad, and movies that have left me feeling happy, but I can't recall ever seeing a movie that made me feel in any way guilty about anything. Perhaps it requires an underlying feeling of guilt to be there already, for it to trigger that? On the subject of movies - my H was watching The Constant Gardener with his kids (when he was still M to his now-xW). His then-W walked in and started dissing the Ralph Fiennes character, what a wuss he was, how weak he was, how pathetic, etc and a few minutes later, tried to sit down next to my H and cuddle up to him, telling him how much the Fiennes character reminded her of him! :eek: :eek: The kids were completely gobsmacked!
jennie-jennie Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I hadn't noticed that either. Yikes. It was my MM who pointed it out to me. Since then I have kept an eye open and he is right. It sure has bothered him that this seems to be the proper end result of infidelity in so many story lines. Is this the ultimate revenge for the BS? Death? Or is it to imprint in the mind of all potential WS the ultimate consequence of their actions?
skylarblue Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Whenever I’d watch a show or come across a scene involving MM/OW, I use to really enjoy it. I liked to put myself, MM, and W in the scenario and would get a rush of excitement and pleasure from it. It would remind me of the “influence” and “control” I had (or thought I had) over her and her M. I didn’t feel any guilt, empathy, or responsible for her or the A. And although I never wanted to see in reality the destruction of her M, I didn’t care if her M was destroyed, and would find it gratifying watching the reaction of the BW discovering her H and OW (i.e. Cheaters) and knowing I had the “power” to so drastically change someone’s world. But I don’t really think that way anymore. I can’t honestly say I never have thoughts because I do when we’re in the moment. But I don’t think about it after fact or find pleasure in it (which I did all the time). And watching shows involving A now only remind me of what a horrible thing I am doing/have done to her, and how she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, how I am attracted to someone who can have such little regard for the person he supposedly loves, and what a heartbreaking situation I have helped caused. I try not to think about it.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Hazy, I love that show..she is a great actress. Its hard to watch sometimes tho...
jennie-jennie Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I find it unrealistic when the OW in love with the MM backs off in favor of the BS. This is not the time to be altruistic.
Author Hazyhead Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Whenever I’d watch a show or come across a scene involving MM/OW, I use to really enjoy it. I liked to put myself, MM, and W in the scenario and would get a rush of excitement and pleasure from it. It would remind me of the “influence” and “control” I had (or thought I had) over her and her M. I didn’t feel any guilt, empathy, or responsible for her or the A. And although I never wanted to see in reality the destruction of her M, I didn’t care if her M was destroyed, and would find it gratifying watching the reaction of the BW discovering her H and OW (i.e. Cheaters) and knowing I had the “power” to so drastically change someone’s world. But I don’t really think that way anymore. I can’t honestly say I never have thoughts because I do when we’re in the moment. But I don’t think about it after fact or find pleasure in it (which I did all the time). And watching shows involving A now only remind me of what a horrible thing I am doing/have done to her, and how she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, how I am attracted to someone who can have such little regard for the person he supposedly loves, and what a heartbreaking situation I have helped caused. I try not to think about it. Such an honest post Skylar. I admire you for that. When I first engaged in the affair, I would try not to think about it when watching a similar thing on TV. I'm rubbish for turning to denial. I'm still coming round to the 'How can I be in love with him?' thing. I still am blinkered in that sense. Working on it though.
Author Hazyhead Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Hazy, I love that show..she is a great actress. Its hard to watch sometimes tho... I can imagine that it's harder for you to watch than me. You're right though, she's fantastic in, brings integrity and strength to the role. I've just thought of another one that gets to me, 'Grey's Anatomy'. In that show I find it truly skillful that all angles of the triangle are likeable characters. When I first started watching it I was rooting for Grey and McDreamy, but then when they brought in Addison, his estranged wife, I was surprised to find that I really liked her. You don't want anybody to lose. I didn't anyway.
herenow Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 It was my MM who pointed it out to me. Since then I have kept an eye open and he is right. It sure has bothered him that this seems to be the proper end result of infidelity in so many story lines. Is this the ultimate revenge for the BS? Death? Or is it to imprint in the mind of all potential WS the ultimate consequence of their actions? Do you really think that any studio is going to spend money on a TV show or movie because a BS wants revenge? From what I know about the entertainment industry, they produce products that people will watch. Advertisers buy time in shows that people watch. If the general public didn't tune in or go to the movies, that would be the end of such story lines. Maybe these are the story lines that people like to watch. It's obvious that many people watch shows and movies about infidelity. If what you say is true, we now know how the general public feels about the topic. If BWs had so much power that they could influence TV and movies because of the message we want, then I need to use my power more effectively for the good of the world.
ladydesigner Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Whenever I’d watch a show or come across a scene involving MM/OW, I use to really enjoy it. I liked to put myself, MM, and W in the scenario and would get a rush of excitement and pleasure from it. It would remind me of the “influence” and “control” I had (or thought I had) over her and her M. I didn’t feel any guilt, empathy, or responsible for her or the A. And although I never wanted to see in reality the destruction of her M, I didn’t care if her M was destroyed, and would find it gratifying watching the reaction of the BW discovering her H and OW (i.e. Cheaters) and knowing I had the “power” to so drastically change someone’s world. But I don’t really think that way anymore. I can’t honestly say I never have thoughts because I do when we’re in the moment. But I don’t think about it after fact or find pleasure in it (which I did all the time). And watching shows involving A now only remind me of what a horrible thing I am doing/have done to her, and how she doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, how I am attracted to someone who can have such little regard for the person he supposedly loves, and what a heartbreaking situation I have helped caused. I try not to think about it. Skylarblue some of your past posts and thoughts used to really make me feel bad that there are people that actually think this way out there. I am both a WS and BS so I have been on both sides. It is refreshing to see your point of view has changed. You seem more human to me now. I wish you the best on your journey in life. It is never to late to reflect.
jennie-jennie Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 It was my MM who pointed it out to me. Since then I have kept an eye open and he is right. It sure has bothered him that this seems to be the proper end result of infidelity in so many story lines. Is this the ultimate revenge for the BS? Death? Or is it to imprint in the mind of all potential WS the ultimate consequence of their actions? Do you really think that any studio is going to spend money on a TV show or movie because a BS wants revenge? From what I know about the entertainment industry, they produce products that people will watch. Advertisers buy time in shows that people watch. If the general public didn't tune in or go to the movies, that would be the end of such story lines. Maybe these are the story lines that people like to watch. It's obvious that many people watch shows and movies about infidelity. If what you say is true, we now know how the general public feels about the topic. If BWs had so much power that they could influence TV and movies because of the message we want, then I need to use my power more effectively for the good of the world. You misinterpreted my post. I was asking if the death of the WS in real life can be considered the ultimate revenge of the BS. Is the WS no longer worthy of living after infidelity? Then I went on to thinking/hoping this message is conveyed in an exaggerated manner only to imprint the bad consequences of infidelity in the mind of potential WS. I believe most of us are interested in stories about infidelities. We watch the stories the movie industries give us. The story lines are likely to be in line with the generally accepted morality of the vast majority of the population, or at least the publicly generally accepted morality which might differ with how people actually act in real life. Since in the US a majority of the population is religious, infidelity is considered morally wrong, and thus this is how story lines go.
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