notagain2 Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 My boyfriend and I have been dating on/off for 20 months. We have broken up in the past for lies and half-truths. Now on December 30th we had a conversation about going to a party on New Years. I usually stay in but he seemed very enthusiatic about going so I told our friends we would be there and got a bottle of champagne to bring. He said call me at work (he works late) and I'll be able to get out early so we can go "it'll be slow". So I tried calling several times and couldn't get ahold of him. I finally left a message with someone, he called be back at 8:30p (the party was to start at 9:00p) he acted like we never discussed the party or going and hadn't put in for the time off. My friends were already on the way to pick me up and I was going to give him directions to meet us there. He said have a good time, I want you to have a good time. Not I'll meet you there, plans changed... nothing. So I got a little cranky and said I will go and have a good time not to worry. Then he asked why I was being so upset... and that he didn't want to go because he wasn't invited? ? ? He said if you want call me tomorrow, I was still upset so I told him I wasn't going to do that because he is to "hard to get a hold of". I was very angry and still am ... it seems everytime we get closer he sabotages the relationship by doing something boneheaded. I'm stunned, why lie, why not just say I don't want to go I changed my mind... I would have backed off and not gone at all. He just met my family at Christmas... is he freaking out? I can't seem to talk to him without him getting defensive. I think I've tried I even met his ex-girlfriend and her parents who he considers family. When we got back together the last time, he gave me a newspaper clipping about a girl who is afraid of committment I told him that I think it's he who has the issues not me..... Keep in mind he's in his 40s and never been married and dated several people at the same time. But when I brought up dating other people he said he didn't want to? ? Is he sabotaging things and then blaming me ? Or am I over reacting?
HurtinginVA Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 Is he sabotaging things and then blaming me ? Or am I over reacting? Maybe a little of both? Dont take that the wrong way......I think he's wrong for dismissing your plans together like that. I would be furious if my husband did that to me with no good reason. I think the best way for you to respond to him when he did that though, would have been to say "ok, Im going to go ahead and go by myself, it's NYE and Im having fun one way or another, I def. want to talk to you tomorrow though" and then let it go for the night, have a good time......then get down to business with him the next day. Ive noticed a lot, people tend to think everyone else can read their minds. Just isnt so. Little innuendos and comments can very easily go unnoticed as well. Lay it all out for him, tell him how you feel when he becomes a "bonehead". If he cares enough to try and change/fix the problem, then things will hopefully get better. If not...................................you know. Good Luck!
Author notagain2 Posted January 3, 2004 Author Posted January 3, 2004 Thank you .. if I am over reacting I want to know....
HurtinginVA Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 I wouldnt say you "over reacted", but probably could have "reacted" better. But who am I kidding? In the heat of the moment we all do/say dumb sh**. LOL Im famous for it. Then as quickly as 5 mins later, Im going Oh! I shoulda said this or I shoulda said that. Gotta perfect that think before you speak thing
Author notagain2 Posted January 3, 2004 Author Posted January 3, 2004 He says he loves me is this just going to keep happening? What do I do?
InLoKo Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 He sounds like a typical commitment-phobic to me. Believe me, I know. If you want to stay with him, you need to do your research (try amazon)...and then have the patience of a saint, and more. Good luck!
HurtinginVA Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 Ahhhhh, this is where you should put your foot down. You cant be happy if it keeps happening. He needs to make a sincere effort to keep it from happening. We're all human, we make mistakes, and he might even slip up once in awhile, but stand your ground!! Let him know how bad his "bonehead" moments hurt you, anger you, frustrate you and then let him know what he could do to make it better. Take care of the problem before it gets out of hand.
Author notagain2 Posted January 3, 2004 Author Posted January 3, 2004 Thank you for the feedback and advice ... I'll tru and get a hold of him so we can talk...
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