Consumed with jealousy and negative emotions

[Limbo21]

My healing has gone backwards in these last 48 hours. I've never spied or sought information regarding my ex, I even don't read her emails anymore cos it's just further heartache but have just uncovered something I'd rather not have known.

 

Anyway my progress in these last few weeks has been nothing short of a miracle, I am depressed, yes, but I'm starting to feel almost human again ... until now.

 

Just as we were breaking up she got her first job since she moved from Oxford to live with me. The job is 20 hours a week as a church administrator (oh the irony). Whilst we were together I had a well paid salary and did the traditional thing and paid for most of our commitments & social activities. The reccesion bit me hard & I was made redundant, unemployed for many mnths but have now been in work for about 9 weeks. This job pays half of my last position.

 

Since we split she has bought a brand new car (9k) flat screen tv (£700) pedigee dog (£450) new computer (?) booked a holiday (?) & is buying clothes left, right & centre. Now this girl is 100% responsible so the car is on credit but the rest is just income.

 

My brother works for DWP (social security) and told me she shouldn't be as well off as she is. I know she has just short of £2000 mnthly crediting her a/c. My new job pays half of this, work 37.5 hours, commute 30 hours per week & also paying emergency tax whilst sending child support for my son even though I have him 3 days per week.

 

Now I'm pissed!!! I don't want to offend single mothers out there but 20 hours a week, 2 kids & £2k per mnth?? I feel used, jealous & defeated. I know life isn't fair but this is taking the piss.

 

I know I shouldn't care cos we have split up but I can't help but feel agrieved. This has set me back cos he life is so frickin rosy & my life is just hard work, stress & is jut one long struggle. Best thing is I'm still paying my uni loan off. Any woman in England, drop a couple of kids & watch the cash flow in. Like I say, not here to offend anyone but this country has it's priorities all wrong & now I feel like a total fool

[nobmagnet]

 

hello fellow brit.

 

Yes it aint fare but thats the way the system works here. Iresspective of who is to blame the primary carer of a child is entitled to child tax credit, working persons tax credit, maintainence, child allowance and yes it might add up to £2k a month. What you need to understand is long term her earning potential is compromised because she has your son.

 

Restentment is not the way to go as she is entitled to all this and.........at least she is working??.

 

I am not defending the system because i am shocked at whet i am entitled to also. Its not her fault its the system.

 

Im sorry it sucks im sure.:o:o

 

Nobby xx

[GrayClouds]

My healing has gone backwards in these last 48 hours. I've never spied or sought information regarding my ex, I even don't read her emails anymore cos it's just further heartache but have just uncovered something I'd rather not have known.

 

It is just a bucket to put your anger and hurt in. It really not about her life being better then your (ok maybe a little) But for the most part your mad for not getting what you deserved. And that is a good sign because in a round about way your saying that SHE did not treat you fair and SHE did not give you what you should have been given.

 

She hurt you and it is ok to be angry that at her. In fact it is really good to see you angry about it. A good deal of depression is anger turn inward, so let out but direct it at the really source. Not the social economic system but her. That way you will get though it faster and more productively.

 

Her life is her life and has not correlation to your future happiness and like you said you do know that, so back to focusing on you and your future happiness.

[Limbo21]

Thanks guys -

 

At work today so feeling a little better, also spoke to the Samaritans twice yesterday, they always help me when felt suicidal and hav assured me to call anytime even though I'm no where near as depressed as I once were.

 

As always GC you speak sense and have read your response several times - it helps man. I read your most recent thread too but have yet time to offer you my support, you're a good man.

 

So Nobby, where abouts in England are you? I'm in Nottinghamshire.

 

As for my original beef with my life & her life .... I still feel consummed with jealousy but I guess it's a sign I'm going through the whole range of emotions needed to come out of the otherside a more rounded individual

 

Why the funk did I not say 'no' when she wanted to leave her husband after she came on to me!??? Argghhh

[GrayClouds]

Thanks guys -

 

At work today so feeling a little better, also spoke to the Samaritans twice yesterday, they always help me when felt suicidal and hav assured me to call anytime even though I'm no where near as depressed as I once were.

 

Very Good

 

As always GC you speak sense and have read your response several times - it helps man. I read your most recent thread too but have yet time to offer you my support, you're a good man.

 

Thanks

 

I guess it's a sign I'm going through the whole range of emotions needed to come out of the otherside a more rounded individual

 

YES, you are getting there faster then you realize. Congratulations Limbo

 

Why the funk did I not say 'no' when she wanted to leave her husband after she came on to me!??? Argghhh

 

When someone make an offer like that we see it as a sign of how lovable we are, it seems like a heck of a compliment,a reflection of real deep affection. Despite how it feels, it really does not say that much about the person who we are but, sadly, a great deal about the person they are. what seems like positive behavior towards our love, in reality it is negative behavior showing how they love.

 

Your doing very good limbo, keep up the work.

[nobmagnet]

Limbo lovie!

 

Oh my goodness.........im in melton mowbary! Not far aways at all!

 

As for your ex i do beleicve in Karma. My ex left me for a bint at work and well...........he was chucked 2 weeks ago.......oh how i laughed inside.

 

Keep strong mate it will all come good.

 

Nobby xx

[Limbo21]

Thanks again guys, yes I am going through the full range of emotions & anger is one of them. I know you americans don't know who this is but I feel like Kevin & Perry ..... "It's not fair"

 

I know I should just drop the subject but better to vent than ponder .... In order to be clearing £2k per mnth after tax, she would have to be earning roughly £32k per year, and that's working 20 hours per week!*

 

The main reason we split is because of religion & my apathy towards Chrisianity (I'm a fully fledged atheist). I always thought my beliefs were unshakable, even after attending a 15 week Alpha brainwashing course to be indoctrinated through the bible, my beliefs held steadfast .... But I'm starting to wonder if she was right all along? She has it all, the house, the car, the job, the looks, the kids, the while damn lot!!! And without wanting to compare, I have nothing in comparison. She always said that "god will look after me" and it looks like she's damn right!*

 

I read about the reccesion, the cutbacks & the hardship that everyone is facing, my new company released a press statement that we will be closing down in 2-3 years (at best) cos they are loosing money hand over fist. BUT she's out buying brand new cars, holidays to Disneyland, flash TV's and pretty much all she wants .... Her qualifications .... 2 kids .... And a relationship with god?? I sound so bitter & you know what ... I am*

 

Mass & confession here I come!!

[TaraMaiden]

God's looking after her?

Sure it's not some rich, materialistic BF?

if she left her hubby for you, then, it strikes me as equally possible that she has sucker number 3 on the side....

 

Listen very carefully.

God doesn't do materialism.

God isn't about money, wealth, power, riches beyond your dreams and daily comfort.

(Of course, the Catholic Church would appear to contradict all this, but I digress).

If she has money, it's all earth-bound.

And as GrayClouds says elsewhere, what goes up, must come down.

She'll drop the ball one day.

And you'll pick yours up.

The important, is to concentrate on you, and focussing on making yourself happy and content.

 

I know you may think your life sucks right now, but you DO have a job.

There are so many people whose lives have been destroyed by this recession, that they may never, ever recover.

 

Please, know that we care about you, and want to support you. I too, am in the UK (South-East). I personally think we should have a UK corner here, there's quite a few of us about.

 

Take heart. Think of you, and breathe deep, put a smile on your face, and say something nice to everyone you meet today.

you have no idea how positive it feels to know someone random thinks we're pleasant and kind.

Believe me. I do it every day.

I try to make someone's day.

it ends up making mine.

[single]

She has it all, the house, the car, the job, the looks, the kids, the while damn lot!!! And without wanting to compare, I have nothing in comparison. She always said that "god will look after me" and it looks like she's damn right!*

 

she's out buying brand new cars, holidays to Disneyland, flash TV's and pretty much all she wants .... Her qualifications .... 2 kids .... And a relationship with god?? I sound so bitter & you know what ... I am*

 

Mass & confession here I come!!

 

Hey pal I hear you and some days I think like you because I am starting again with nothing, no money etc.

 

End of the day though all that really matters is our health and our families.

 

You will be fine keep going.

[Limbo21]

Your preaching to the converted Tara, I know it's a croc but if it was true (cough cough) then your quite right, material things are just that. I know there's no-one else. Or at least not contributing to the bank busting 2k per mnth AFTER TAX!!! *

 

40k per year in the uk is the super tax bracket. My pops who served 40 years in the forces was on that kinda salary (Lt col) and she's on 34k per year. I worked as a resource planner/analyst for 9 years & salaried at £25 which I had to study at uni for 3 years, not to mention college. My brother has worked as a manager at Barclays Bank for over 20 years & he was on 27k!!

 

My outgoings are insane and have little left to socialize with, never mind save or purchase the gear she is currently spunking.*

 

I was happy to think she would look back and regret her decision but I know that's just a pipe dream now

 

However I do appreciate you guys, your positive spin on things, and I sincerly hope your right.

 

By*god*do*I*miss*her, no matter how toxic it became.*I*just*need*to*keep*working & moving forward. I'll get there, it's just taking longer than hoped*

[nobmagnet]

Karma my love.

 

She might look as if she has it all but she will screw up.Lets be honest her stong beleifs make me chuckle. I too am apathetic to religion and chuckle at justifications of sh*tty behaviour and say god told me to do it!

 

Money or not you can have a good life and just because she seems to have it all doesnt mean she is happy. So Kevin/Perry youmake sure she envies you your life because you are content with yourself and lifing life to the full!!

 

Nobby xx