Author freckles3131 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 here's the thing.... I trust him. I don't think he would cheat on me. I just want him to "get" what she is up to and keep things in check. I think because I do have jealous tendancies that when I bring it up, it just looks like I am being jealous and it's "me" not "her" and the situation.... Plus to top it all off.....things have been rocky lately so this isn't helping. Plus, my reaction was rather dramatic but it's out of frustration that I don't feel he "sees" what I see" I emailed him to see if I can get some better insight as to how the convo went between the two of them, because it's unclear/vague. I think me bringing it up in any context is going to push him further away, but I need to know what was said, as it was a conversation about me...after all. And him talking to another girl about me and my "issues" I would like to know more and feel it's within my right to ask.
carhill Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I emailed him to see if I can get some better insight What do you think of my sample communication outlined in an above posting? IMO, you've done your part. Look for proactive actions from him to recognize and respect your priority in the relationship. Accept those actions and decide whether they match with what your vision of compatibility is.
Joe Normal Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 (edited) "You better not hug me, we don't want her to get upset!" This was said by a girl who my bf. was hugging goodbye. In front of our friends and within earshot of me. I will tell you that she has told me to my face that she thinks her boyfriend is a loser, not as good looking as she'd like and has put him down ofter in front of me/us. I will also tell you she has told me straight to my face that my boyfriend "looks hot in that shirt" "looks great when he wears his hat backwards" "I think it's awesome when he..." and this was all said straight to my face only having met me ONCE! He and her are friends because of her boyfriend and because she works with his other buds. Ok....so whatdaya think is meant by her statement? It means she wants you to punch her in the face. So make sure you don't disappoint her next time she says something like this Seriously though, she doesn't respect you and is testing your boundaries, seeing how much disrespect you will put up with. That's why you should confront her aggressively and confidently. Make it as unpleasant for her as possible to ever talk to you like that again, and she will stop (she'll still whine behind your back like a bitch, but not to your face. Other people will notice and will respect you more and her less because of it). Edited February 10, 2010 by Joe Normal
Author freckles3131 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Well, the problem was....I didn't witness it. I was too busy talking another friend, in a good place...like I didn't give a rat's ass if she was there. My BF came up while I went to the potty room and told me. She was telling me the story and got me ALL fired up!!! Big time! Putting "notions" in my head. Should have just ignored my friends drama and perception and talked to my bf after, but my irish temper got the best of me. Had I actually been the one to see/hear it I would have been confident and said something like, "Oh, no worries girlie. He can give you goodbye hugs...it's all good. He's coming home with me." and chuckled and acted like "whatever" BUT......because it was my friend who saw it (and is in a miserable relationship/misery loves complany) and she was all "DID you see THAT!" OMG, blah, blah, blah" "He must have a thing for her" etc...etc... So I go back inside and said gruffly to him (loud enuf for her to hear) "Oh, you better not hug anyone, you don't want to get me upset!" and stormed off... If I could do it all over again, and as I told my BF...had "I" seen it I would have been amused, but since it was my friend and it seemed so BAD coming from her mouth....and her perception I went off that. And went "off" Then all the way home too..... It was very, very wrong of me. My bf and I talked calmly the next day. I told him I didn't think that he has a "thing" for her...but that it is HER disrespecting me that truly pissed me off. That I was wrong for my reaction and although it was fueled by my friend witnessing it and her ranting how messed up it was and her thinking the worse....that is why the reaction...not that it is an excuse We left it as.....He wants some time to think about things. He is housesitting for his parents so it's a good time for some "time" I am giving him his space. If you set it free and it doesn't come back....sort of thing.
Author freckles3131 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Carhill, As always your advice is priceless. Unfortunately, the "damage" is done and I handled it in a manner that was inappropriate and it might be too late. However.....another ??? What do I say to HER next time I see her? Do I say anything or....leave it be and let actions speak louder than words....(assuming he and I stay together) Part of me wants to say something to her like, For the record....I know what you said about me. It was THAT that I got fired up about, NOT you hugging Chris. I think you saying such a thing in front of our friends at our friends house was rude and disrespectful.
Author freckles3131 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 His mom just called. (they are in California, he is housesitting) He called her last night asking if he could move back in... I called him at work and asked if we could talk tonight seeing as he "already made his mind up" He said 5:30. I said, "Do you want me to bring anything to him since he has decided to move back to his mother's?" He said, "No, we can just talk about it when I see him" I KNOW NOT to bring up the girl in anyway, shape or form as it will only make him put his wall up further... But.....it this a done deal?? What can I do to get him to let me in? Is there anything....???
carhill Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 TBH, your postings are causing me to reach for a bottle of Seroquel. I'm deciding between 25 and 50mg. Seriously, too much drama. Let things lie. He can move back in with Mom, sis, cousin Bob, or the neighborhood pedophile. He'll do what he does. Take responsibility for what you've done and said. If you did or said something you regret, say that ' I regret xxxx and apologize for that' and let it go. Do not chase him in any form or fashion. Maybe I'm reading it wrong but that's the sense I'm getting, like a knot in my stomach. Maybe someone else will make better sense of it than me. Hope you find some peace
angie2443 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 If you're into the drama and want to compete for your boyfriend's attention, then stick to the relationship. If you're not into the drama and want to be secure in your relationships, then loose the boyfriend:). Really! You are 40 something and he is 30 something. This sounds like the drama that is typical in highschool/college age relationships. If you like the drama, then I guess stick with him. Otherwise, move on. This seems to be going in circles.
Author freckles3131 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Since we last spoke on Saturday morning....I haven't "chased him", haven't called, pleaded, texted or emailed....just did my thing. I will be calm when I go there. I will calmly say I am sorry. I will be strong. I just want to know...do you think as a guy....there is no turning back? Is he 100% done? Am I screwed?
angie2443 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 2) there is a 10 year age difference between he and I (me: 42 him:32) but he has always dated older women...SHE is 23 ?? I read in another post of yours that your boyfriend was 34. Was this a differant boyfriend or was there a typo? It was a slightly older post. I don't know. The guy in the other post sounded like a jerk. Maybe you're dating the wrong guys?
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