scorpio4 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 i am dating a man who is 28, and i am only 18. We have chosen to keep it quiet as many people have found out and have a lot to say about the situation. I understand why people have their concerns but I am not a typical naieve young girl. I have my head screwed on and it took him a very long time to try and win me over. I still believe i have the upper hand on him, however im just confused as to where this can go in future. Im only so young and i want to do things with life, he is doing really well for himself and wants to settle down and move me away to dubai with him....things arent going the same way yet we are so in to eachother we couldnt just break it off.....i need some advice on what i should do...anything would be helpful!!! thanks x
St. Nick Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Moving away is too soon. The age-gap is no big deal. You may wanna finish college before marrying though.
Author scorpio4 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 im far too young to even consider marriage. my feelings for him are not that strong. I would rather break it off to be fair......i just dont want to.
meerkat stew Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 What's all this about having the upper hand on him? The age gap itself is no problem, but hope you will take some time to experience more of life before settling down, as IMO 18 is young to go off with someone in anticipation of marriage. Unless you are familiar with the culture or part of it yourself, moving to Dubai with him is not a good idea. How long have you been dating? Sounds like you are moving a bit too fast and you know it inside.
WTRanger Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Obviously you don't have your head on straight if you plan to move to Dubai with him or if you haven't calculated the risks. Have you not read the news about the financial problems of that country? Not exactly a good time to be hedging risks like that. Where does he work? What will it take for you to become a citizen there? How long will it take? Can you work there on a Visa? (That is if you are moving from another country to Dubai) If things go wrong between you and him, what is your backup plan? How far is Dubai for you? 18-28 is a large age gap, not in the 10 years because 10 years doesn't mean much as you get older. But this one is a large age gap because you haven't matured yet. Most people, and yes I do mean you, go through another emotional maturity between the ages of 23-27. You are not even close to yours. The last part clearly shows you have zero clue about maturity. im far too young to even consider marriage. my feelings for him are not that strong. I would rather break it off to be fair......i just dont want to. Well, what do you think moving away with him would signal? What do you think that living with him would mean? You dont have that strong of feelings for him, yet you'll move away with him? Are you f'ing crazy? Moving away to be with someone can break even the strongest relationships, what in the world do you think this would do to this sham you call a relationship? A mature woman would grow a set of ovaries and break it off with him.
Jersey Shortie Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 You are going to grow and change ALOT from 18-25. No matter how mature you think you are. We've all been 18. We've all thought we were super mature for our age. You still have a lot of developing to do that he's already gone through. At this point in your lives, the age gap is big. Take this time to experience what life has to offer instead of strapping yourself down and regretting it later in life and possibly acting out later in life.
tami-chan Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I was 18 when I eloped with a man almost ten years my senior. Why did I elope? well, there was so much opposition to our relationship(and rightfully so). I also thought that I had my head 'screwed on right' and that I was "mature" for my age....I was wrong-and boy was I wrong....I just did not have the experiences necessary to be in that situation and the marriage did not last. A ten year difference is not at all a big gap ten years from now, when you are 28 and he is 38. Besides at 18 and finding yourself in a foreign land alone with no family and friends for emotional support is not a good place to be at....
Author scorpio4 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 I think that people have got the wrong idea about what i was actually saying. I said that he wants me to go with him, but there is no chance i would do that. I have too many things at home to miss to do something stupid like that. He is going to be living in dubai for three months then at home for three months. He seems to think that we have a strong enough relationship to stay together if i dont chose to go away with him, but this leaves me at home for three months at a time to not enjoy myself properly, as we want to stay faithful towards eachother. it is very difficult for me because i do have strong feelings for him but i am considering breaking up with him if it means i am only 18 and stuck in a complicated relationsip when all my friends have normal relationships or are going out and enjoying the single life!!!
Eeyore79 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 The age gap is pretty big, because at 18 you're not yet mature, no matter how grown-up you think you are. We all thought we were grown-up at 18! 25-35 is less of a psychological gap, although it's the same in terms of the number of years. But I would question the maturity of a 28yo guy who wants to date an 18yo anyway...
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Oh, really? My father met my mother when she was 18 and he was 29. They married when my mother was 21 and my father 32 (in spite of so much of my mother's family's opposition...you wouldn't believe some of the things they did to try to sabotage the relationship!). That same month, they moved to the UK. My mother couldn't speak a word of English, nor my father Italian. They communicated, initially, in French..... Now, 56 years later, thery're still together, and they still love one another. Don't please, ever suppose something like this is entirely impossible. But, I'm confused.... This.... we are so in to eachother we couldnt just break it off..... completely contradicts this... my feelings for him are not that strong. I would rather break it off .... I don't understand what you're intentions are, with these two comments. So really, you have to decide what your commitment level is to this, then act accordingly. Leave alone, moving abroad. That's not the issue. the issue is how deeply you feel for one another, in any case.
Eeyore79 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I do not recommend you move to Dubai. Drinking alcohol and pre-marital sex are illegal in Dubai; you could be imprisoned for sleeping with your boyfriend. Read this recent news story: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jan/08/british-woman-arrested-dubai
Meaplus3 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 i am dating a man who is 28, and i am only 18. We have chosen to keep it quiet as many people have found out and have a lot to say about the situation. I understand why people have their concerns but I am not a typical naieve young girl. I have my head screwed on and it took him a very long time to try and win me over. I still believe i have the upper hand on him, however im just confused as to where this can go in future. Im only so young and i want to do things with life, he is doing really well for himself and wants to settle down and move me away to dubai with him....things arent going the same way yet we are so in to eachother we couldnt just break it off.....i need some advice on what i should do...anything would be helpful!!! thanks x Why worry so much about the future right now? Your very young and have lot's of time to think about that. Just try to enjoy the R and see where things go. As for the age gap, I don't think it's a big issue. If things are working for you.. then go with it. Best of luck. Mea:)
Author scorpio4 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 your right those two sentences do completely contradict eachother.... which just proves how generally confused i am about the relationship. its like one minute i could do without him and the next i really couldnt.....
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