He invested 350k in the stock market without my knowledge or consent!

[sfveggie]

He invested 350k in the stock market without my knowledge or consent! I have begged him for years to pay off the house. Yesterday, some e-trade tax documents arrived. I knew he invested and lost about 100k a few years ago. He admitted that last year- but his purchases equal 350k and his losses are over 200k !!!! I begged him a few years ago to STOP and to start paying off the house.

He's insane. Meanwhile, he has 10k in his checking account, 3k in savings and

we owe 159k on our house (not upside down). I am terrified and FURIOUS. He seems to be investing his entire paycheck minus living expenses (about 4k per month) into the stock market!!!!!

I need advise from folks in CALIFORNIA who know if there is a law in the divorce codes about a spouse being compensated when another spouse goes crazy and invests/loses all their COMMUNITY PROPERTY. We have always had separate bank accounts. I make about 30k per year and he makes 150k per year. I had NO idea...

Thanks.

Edited February 9, 2010 by sfveggie

[someotherguy]

So...you're mad because he's paying the bills and spending his 'extra' income, from his paycheck, how he wants?

 

Step off, woman. Get back in the kitchen and make him a sandwich.

 

You're acting like a gold-digger, start acting like a spouse. Maybe you should get a better job and support him for awhile?

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

If he made $200K vs losing $200k, would you feel any different?

 

I would be willing to bet there is alot more to this than just the money in the stock market... any more to tell or just this issue?

[Enema]

I don't understand why you're asking if there's a law in the "divorce codes"(?)

 

Do you want to divorce him because of this?

 

Why do you think you're entitled to his money? You have your own job.

[mimidarlin]

Geez people...so the house is a joint asset and the mortgage a joint debt. Do y'all call it my money and your money when the marriage is happy or just when it sours? Also, look at the history of earnings.

 

Just from my personal experience...I earned more than husband in beginning. Then his salary became a little higher. When he went into business for himself but worked out of home it rose dramatically. As he moved his office out of the house and hired full time employees his take home pay fell. Now we're back to equal. I consider salaries earned during a marriage as joint income and so do most states. Inheritance isn't considered marital property by most states but if the spouse contributes to the maintenance of a property then they area becomes more difficult to judge.

 

The only way you can know about the division of asset and debt is to talk to a lawyer but you will have to gather copies of all his financial records. If this moves towards divorce the court will demand it. Of course you may be able to walk away clean and just let him have all the debt and asset. It is likely that with salaries this different that he would owe something equivalent to spousal support for a year or so.

[carhill]

His behavior and actions could be actionable *after* you file for divorce, if he continues at that point. Consult a divorce lawyer for more information. I live in Cali and am going through a divorce currently.

 

For example, prior to filing for divorce, my stbx (or myself) could run up a 100K in credit card bills, even on a separate account, for non-asset items and, in a contested action, we would assume joint liability for the 'marital' debt, with no balancing asset to offset, during the property/income/liability disclosure and settlement phase.

 

Like I said, contact an attorney. The first consultation should be free.

[floridapad]

Oh my

 

You're complaining about money? Girl. You have alot to learn about love and happiness. Yes I'm from California. Calabasas actually. If the only thing you're worrying about is money then divorce. Get your 50% and let this poor man go.

 

Honestly..... I'm a bit disgusted that you would give us califorians a bad reputation to think it's all about money. Just go

[dgiirl]

Oh my, all the men who are complaining about "his" money "her" money are nuts. We're not talking about a few hundred dollars. We're talking about $300,000 dollars!!! That's easily 10 or more years of savings he's putting at HUGE risk. He's putting BOTH of their retirement at risk. Their HOME at risk. And she might even be responsible for half of that debt! It's NOT a minor thing. He has next to no savings besides stock. That's NOT a sane way to invest!

 

Although it might be a little extreme, but I personally, would consider divorce too. I would be scared as heck about what other things he's been hiding. He sounds like he has a gambling problem. You definitely need to talk to him AND get a grasp on your finances. Both spouses should know exactly what is going on in that department.

[burning 4 revenge]

He should pull out of the domestic stock market and put it all in the FOREX, precious metals futures and emerging market funds just for the adrenaline rush

[You'reasian]

He invested 350k in the stock market without my knowledge or consent! I have begged him for years to pay off the house. Yesterday, some e-trade tax documents arrived. I knew he invested and lost about 100k a few years ago. He admitted that last year- but his purchases equal 350k and his losses are over 200k !!!! I begged him a few years ago to STOP and to start paying off the house.

He's insane. Meanwhile, he has 10k in his checking account, 3k in savings and

we owe 159k on our house (not upside down). I am terrified and FURIOUS. He seems to be investing his entire paycheck minus living expenses (about 4k per month) into the stock market!!!!!

I need advise from folks in CALIFORNIA who know if there is a law in the divorce codes about a spouse being compensated when another spouse goes crazy and invests/loses all their COMMUNITY PROPERTY. We have always had separate bank accounts. I make about 30k per year and he makes 150k per year. I had NO idea...

Thanks.

 

Investment strategists suggest that you invest when the stock market is at its low. Other than that, I am not licensed to give advice in this area or legal guidance on divorces...

 

 

Really now???

[burning 4 revenge]

How did he manage to lose 200K out of 350 when the DJIA shot up 70% last year?

 

Are you sure he doesn't have a "goomah" on the side?

[someotherguy]

To all you who complain about my use of "his" money, I'm going to expand on my point.

 

This woman is married to a man who earns a substantial paycheck.

 

He uses a significant portion of said paycheck to pay their bills, and she explicitly states that he faithfully puts in more than $4k per month towards their expenses.

 

That's twice what she takes home every month. Seems more than fair enough to me.

 

He's not racking up debt unless he somehow convinced someone to let him short and not cover a margin call, which is far-fetched at best.

 

So she's mad that she married an adult who doesn't do exactly what she wants with his money. Boo hoo.

 

It is his money, she doesn't have some sort of right to it, community property rules or not.

 

Legally, it doesn't matter what her opinion of his actions are, until she files separation or divorce paperwork and gets it signed by a notary, filed with the county, and served to her husband, everything he does is implicitly agreed to by her.

 

Morally, she needs to STFU and let him do what he wants with what he earned. I pretty sure he didn't take a vow to give her every cent he earns for the rest of his life and let her dictate how they spend it. She is benefitting from his support greatly, and has the gall to come on here like some spoiled little princess. It sickens me. The sense of entitlement with this woman is incredible.

 

In any case, there's really nothing constructive she can get off of this forum, she needs to seek legal council or talk to her spouse, maybe he truly does have a gambling problem and needs to see a therapist or something, or maybe he's just getting bad investing advice and should just shove his extra income into an IRA and his 401k.

[Enema]

^^ I agree completely.

[LisaUk]

 

Step off, woman. Get back in the kitchen and make him a sandwich.

 

 

Excuse me???????????????????? How rude and sexist. Make your point fair play (not that I agree, I think when married all part of one pot, so do the courts by the way, oh and one more thing under the law her H does have an obligation to support her, it goes back to the days when women were the more vunerable, weaker part of the marriage, but oh yes, that's right THEY STILL ARE in many respects, b/c of giving up work to raise children! Maybe women would have more earning capacity if they had the advantages that men have? Such as not doing all the housework, child rearing and being able with their support to concentrate on progressing their career. Speaking generally here of course, but look at the statistics, most working women still do the majority of the running a household.) Besides all that, I find your sexist comment above very insulting. How would YOU like to go through life having the oppostite sex constantly make belittling remarks about your gender?

Edited February 10, 2010 by LisaUk

[2sunny]

the fact that he was hiding how the money was spent is the same as dishonesty and lying. that is the crux of the principal of the matter and most likely the crux of the demise of the M.

 

why would he have a need to hide an investment from you (his W)? that is not a H who is working in partnership with his spouse in an honorable way. he disrespected you and the M when he went behind your back.

 

the original question i can't answer - you need to see an attorney for that.

[someotherguy]

Excuse me???????????????????? How rude and sexist. Make your point fair play (not that I agree, I think when married all part of one pot, so do the courts by the way, oh and one more thing under the law her H does have an obligation to support her, it goes back to the days when women were the more vunerable, weaker part of the marriage, but oh yes, that's right THEY STILL ARE in many respects, b/c of giving up work to raise children! Maybe women would have more earning capacity if they had the advantages that men have? Such as not doing all the housework, child rearing and being able with their support to concentrate on progressing their career. Speaking generally here of course, but look at the statistics, most working women still do the majority of the running a household.) Besides all that, I find your sexist comment above very insulting. How would YOU like to go through life having the oppostite sex constantly make belittling remarks about your gender?

 

Men are constantly bashed in the media, don't get all high and mighty here. If I'm at a park and try to help a child who fell off the swings, the mom is far more likely to call the police and have me arrested as a pedophile than thank me.

 

I just want women to reap what they've sown: equality. You say you're equal, then fine, start acting like it.

 

She wants to have some mystical right to every cent he earns? Then she better be earning it...one way or another. And making sandwiches seemed less offensive than other suggestions I could have made.

[Angel1111]

I totally understand why this bothers you. He is playing with your security. The problem I see is that money is so separate between the two of you and that's always a red flag. He probably wants it that way so that he can do this kind of thing with the money. I guess that would be ok if he made sure that the house was secure and the two of you were debt free and have a healthy savings account. Then play. He's playing with fire right now. Is there any way that you can pull the money out and pay the house off? Of course, you know that would ignite him to no end, and there's no guarantee that he wouldn't at some point take a second mortgage out on the house. If the house is in both your names, he probably wouldn't be able to do that without your consent. But if it's in his name only, he probably could.

 

I think you've got some serious issues here because he does things behind your back and he treats you like you're a non-entity. This is totally unacceptable in a marriage. You need to get this resolved or leave him.

[Angel1111]

Men are constantly bashed in the media, don't get all high and mighty here. If I'm at a park and try to help a child who fell off the swings, the mom is far more likely to call the police and have me arrested as a pedophile than thank me.

 

I just want women to reap what they've sown: equality. You say you're equal, then fine, start acting like it.

 

She wants to have some mystical right to every cent he earns? Then she better be earning it...one way or another. And making sandwiches seemed less offensive than other suggestions I could have made.

 

Equality isn't about being secretive in a marriage. You're just using it as an excuse to be nasty toward women. And if women overreact toward men, I would say that might be because there are so many weirdos out there, it might be justified. The whole topic of equality is completely twisted these days. It came about because women were sick of the double standard. You know, there's a woman posting on this site who's a writer and doctor and basically keeps her husband in luxury. I don't hear her complaining about that.

[someotherguy]

Equality isn't about being secretive in a marriage. You're just using it as an excuse to be nasty toward women. And if women overreact toward men, I would say that might be because there are so many weirdos out there, it might be justified. The whole topic of equality is completely twisted these days. It came about because women were sick of the double standard. You know, there's a woman posting on this site who's a writer and doctor and basically keeps her husband in luxury. I don't hear her complaining about that.

 

There you go, lump all guys into the 'weirdo' category, you fell right into that one.

 

Crime statistics actually show children are safer now than ever before in history, so there is absolutely no basis for that view. It is simply a view pushed by the feminist agenda to tear men down.

 

So, when the rare woman supports her man, it's out of the goodness of her heart, but it is expected out of men? Talk about a double standard.

 

As long as we're talking equality, how about equality in the courtroom when it comes to divorce? I have firsthand knowledge that there is no equality there. Every child born during the marriage is assumed to be the husband's, and he is responsible for them financially. The wife is assumed to be deserving of at least half of the marital property regardless of who contributed to it's acquirement. The wife is assumed to be deserving of maintenance/support/alimony regardless of her education of earning history, as long as she doesn't make multiple times the husband's salary. The wife is assumed to be deserving of full custody and the husband has to fight for the right to even see his children, let alone receive appropriate amounts of custody.

 

"Community property" and "no fault" are sexist nonsense designed to ensure women come out on top of men in divorce.

 

This may read like I'm terribly bitter, but I'm actually not. The simple reality is that the legal system is extremely biased in favor of women in many respects, divorce law being particularly skewed.

 

When I decided I was done with my sham of a marriage, I went down to the courthouse and found out that the divorce paperwork is all worded to assume the wife is actually the one filing, and I was the "respondent", even though my wife refused to give me the divorce for over a year, she was more than happy to screw around on me while I paid all the bills, did all the housework, and cared for the children. Because she refused to work, even though we agreed before we married she would, it fell on me to finance the entire divorce process, including all her legal fees. Sounds awesomely fair to me. I seriously considered moving to a state with a fault clause and establishing residency just to totally screw her over, but I couldn't find a suitable job due to the economy, and I didn't really want to lose my friends and move away from my family.

 

Anyway, back to the OP, I don't want to threadjack.

 

It sounds like some serious communication issues exist in the marriage, perhaps counseling could help?

 

Have you actually talked to him about this, or are you just looking for an excuse to get a divorce? You did make some serious vows about "good times and bad, richer and poorer, etc" remember?

[lkjh]

He makes the bulk majority of the money and is in charge of paying the bills and living expenses, you are obviously living comfortably than why is bad for him to spend the extra money on something that will most likely pay off in a couple of years. if he invested last year in a half you can safely assume that in 2 to 3 years those stocks will be worth a lot. Use some common sense, in 2 years that money he has invested even though it is down now will triple, so why pay the house off when he can invest in something that will secure your retirement? Lastly, don't be so controlling

[norajane]

than why is bad for him to spend the extra money on something that will most likely pay off in a couple of years.

 

I'm sure if he discussed it with her, and discussed what he's investing in and the potential for future returns, she'd have a different view on this. The problem is he just did it behind her back, never mentioned it whatsoever. Making unilateral financial decisions behind your partner's back doesn't sound like a good marriage.

 

And there is no guarantee that he'll get any return, or won't lose money in a year, two or many years. We have no idea what he invested in.

[lkjh]

I'm sure if he discussed it with her, and discussed what he's investing in and the potential for future returns, she'd have a different view on this. The problem is he just did it behind her back, never mentioned it whatsoever. Making unilateral financial decisions behind your partner's back doesn't sound like a good marriage.

 

And there is no guarantee that he'll get any return, or won't lose money in a year, two or many years. We have no idea what he invested in.

 

I hate to say this because it will be considered sexist or whatever other title people can give but he is the breadwinner and obviously the financial decision maker in the house. She said he pays the bills, living expenses, and makes the majority of the money, also she said he used the money he earned to do this. She makes 30,000 a year that doesn't go towards bills so why should he consult with her when he knows her position.

 

You are right that he doesn't know for sure that it will pay off but considering the fact that he pretty much every major stock even now that the DJ has hit of 10,000 is still a fraction of what they were in 2006, it is safe to assume that in 2 or 3 years it will be up

[carhill]

IMO, if the OP was smart, she'd set aside some of the 30K spending money she makes and buy/leverage some REO's in the area to balance out (it's called diversification in financial terms) H's interest in the stock market. Great deals on real estate these days and it probably won't be this depressed for a long time to come. If they get divorced, kick a renter out and she's got a home to live in, all hers.

[norajane]

I hate to say this because it will be considered sexist or whatever other title people can give but he is the breadwinner and obviously the financial decision maker in the house. She said he pays the bills, living expenses, and makes the majority of the money, also she said he used the money he earned to do this. She makes 30,000 a year that doesn't go towards bills so why should he consult with her when he knows her position.

 

He should consult with her because they're in a marriage, and he's making huge financial choices that affect both of them. Perhaps she wouldn't be so terrified if she understood what his plan was, and the soundness of his investments.

 

They're supposedly in this relationship together - a team, partners, a family. It doesn't make sense to me that he wouldn't even tell her about their investments. What is the harm in having that conversation with her?

[burning 4 revenge]

I'm sure if he discussed it with her, and discussed what he's investing in and the potential for future returns, she'd have a different view on this. The problem is he just did it behind her back, never mentioned it whatsoever. Making unilateral financial decisions behind your partner's back doesn't sound like a good marriage.

 

And there is no guarantee that he'll get any return, or won't lose money in a year, two or many years. We have no idea what he invested in.

Maybe he doesnt want her to get hands on the profits shoud his investments be good decisions

 

Maybe thats just his money since hes the one earning it and taking the risks

 

Women want not only to be provided for , but to have a right to everything the husband makes and the right to walk out of the M at any time and then wonder why there's hostility