smrlvin Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 i'm so upset right now. i have been for a while. i hate my life. i hate the way my husband treats me sometiems, i have to walk on pins and needles all the time. he yells at me, throws things, calls me names and demeans me. i cry, he calls me a baby. this i my 2nd marriage and i'm only 31. first marriage lasted 6 months. now this is going into year 2 and i'm already considering leaving him or kicking him out. i'm a normal, kind, soft spoken person...my parents are church goers and think my life is just dandy but it's not. some days i have a great time with my husband and no fighting or anything and he tells me how he loves me, writes me notes, does nice things like clean the house or make dinner or just hug me. it's great. then next i say something wrong and he is an *******. he told me last night in a huge fight that i nag too much. i bitch too much. maybe i do but i feel like nothing would get done if i didn't. i don't know what to do. i want to tell him to leave, but i would not be able to make it on my own, financially especially. i need him. i need him to be the person i fell in love with and not this crazy monster he has turned into. he broke our laptop and called me this morning and said...we need to look at getting a new laptop and i said we'll talk about it later. he hangs up on me. so i call him back and he said we need to go get a laptop tonight cause he broke ours (throwing it in anger). i didn't say much and he said all of a sudden 'don't worry about it, i'll take care of it, i'll wait until i get paid and take care of it' in a MEAN tone. wtf. i'm at work, crying, my eyes are puffy and i don't know what to do. i don't want my friends or family to know what i'm going through as this is my 2nd marriage and i've painted such a pretty picture to them all the time. no one knows of his mean bursts or words - his family does but that's about it. part of me wonders if he is bipolar, but know he would NEVER go to the doctor for it. he even has said that his life would be better if i wasn't in it. i'm really scared we are headed for divorce...i don't want to go through it again and have to explain after i've painted such a pretty picture. i'm so scared right now. so sad. i hate my life.
Jeff1962 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 You husband needs help, ASAP. It could only be a matter of time before his physical turns toward you. You should not put up with his verbal, mental abuse. You deserve better. Tell him that he either gets help or it's over, period. Don't worry so much about what others think. This is YOUR life and YOU have to live it.
cuppa Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 i don't know what to do. i want to tell him to leave, but i would not be able to make it on my own, financially especially. i need him. i need him to be the person i fell in love with and not this crazy monster he has turned into. Why cares on what people think of your marriage? It's you who have to put up with heartache and emotional abuse. It seems to me that you have to draw your happiness differently and determine your self worth not by what other people think of you. You mention about the reason to stay in the marriage is because you can't make it on your own financially. You need to find a solution for this, either making more money on your own or cut down expenses. It seems that you work too, is there a reason why you couldn't make it on your own? And if it does, perhaps it's time to job hunting or going back to school if necessary? The thing is that you own your own happiness and only you can make yourself happy, not other people.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 The first couple of years are a beast. Why are you being curt and nasty to him when he wants to replace what he broke? Say Okay, go get a new laptop, and when you're done, let's figure out a plan to keep this one safe from your anger. In fact, why don't you two sit down and bang out a plan to protect YOU from his anger? Maybe get clergy or a therapist involved in the discussion.
HeyThere Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) There is a thread (several) on emotional abuse in marriage, some of it may ring true for your situation. Your situation is bordering on the physical and you need to protect yourself now. Either your husband gets immediate help or you move out to a family member or friends place. Take yourself out of harms way, do what’s best for you, not what you think others need to hear. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t219869/ “The key to change... is to let go of fear.” Rosanne Cash Edited February 10, 2010 by HeyThere
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