Chitowngirl Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I learned: Insecure men tend to be very mean in regards to putting me down to make themselves feel better. I learned it's their problem, not mine. If someone wants to fight by raising their voice, name calling, slamming doors, saying hurtful things, do not stoop to their level. I did that after thinking, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em," and it was the worst thing I could have done for myself. Fighting like that made me feel crazy and out of control. If I ever come across someone like that again, it's either counseling or leave. Don't ever let a man put his hands on you. Don't put up with wrist grabs, pushing, or being blocked from leaving or entering a room. If someone's mantra is, "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission," RUN. If someone has a serious STD and doesn't reveal it until after you'd been intimate, dump them. Right then. It proves how selfish, immature, and prideful they are. If someone is still hooking up with their ex days before you started dating, and they continue to be friends with the ex who wants your boyfriend back, dump him. Been there, done that, no thanks. Anyone else notice that if there's drama with an ex at the beginning of the relationship, it never goes away? She was an issue from the very start (she even stalked us on our first few dates) and was an issue till the very end. If he has an issue with something I did but decides to ignore me for an entire weekend instead of addressing the issue, even when I asked "what is wrong?"...he doesn't know how to communicate..ohhh everything is falling into place on why he went so crazy after his ex cheated on him with a rich married man b/c he internalized everything...he did the same to me...no thanks. If he refuses to declare you're in a relationship together on his facebook, and he also never introduces you as his gf when you meet new people... You've been dating 4 months, he says he wants you to move in, you're the only person he's ever wanted to marry..yet he has no desires for me to meet any of his family though he is on good terms with them.. I learned I know what I'm physically attracted to, so I need to stick with that even though the steriotypes of that type of person is usually correct and a handful to deal with. Unfortunately the grass is not greener which I thought if I dated someone the complete opposite would be true.. I need someone with a high libido who is not afraid to do it with the lights on...oh yeah and please don't swear like a porn star because you make me want to laugh and then gag you.
nobmagnet Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 :D:D I have learnt I am weak in relationships. I smooth things over when they should be confronted and communicated about. I didnt out of fear of being left with 3 kids. I i kknow for a fact he would have left years ago if i had confronted him and tried to sort problems out:mad: I have learnt my self esteam issues were caused by him:mad: I have learnt I am really happy alone:D:D:D:D I have learnt to be excited again:D:D:D nobby xx
Oh Moe Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well I've learned Never to trust anyone again. Never be disrespected or never disrespect MYSELF. Never do anything for another unless you are getting something in return. Some people will say anything to get what they want. Back off from being a gentleman, it's not appreciated by anyone but senior citizens.LOL OK enough.
counterman Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I have learnt not to settled for someone who does not respect me.
Bleed Internal Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I'm a lot stronger in the "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" sense. It's doubtful that I'll be that vulnerable and open myself to getting hurt again for quite some time. I learned to never ignore red flags. If I'm in a serious relationship with someone, they need to be gone after a few instances of lying and general shadiness. I also learned that I have a long time to fall in love and right now isn't the time. Running around and having sex with a bunch of different girls is a little shallow, especially when you've felt real love, but it's still pretty awesome. I'm 21 and I plan on cooling off on relationships. You become invested in a person and naturally discover certain things that make you resent them. For now, I will enjoy women for their personality, their company, their sex, and the fun, carefree times. One day "the one" will come along, I suppose.
DiscoChick Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I give too much. I shouldn't compromise myself. It's best I remain a pessimist. Everything I'm optimistic about turns sour. Love is as beautiful as I thought it would be.
bananaboat11 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I learned: Insecure men tend to be very mean in regards to putting me down to make themselves feel better. I learned it's their problem, not mine. If someone wants to fight by raising their voice, name calling, slamming doors, saying hurtful things, do not stoop to their level. I did that after thinking, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em," and it was the worst thing I could have done for myself. Fighting like that made me feel crazy and out of control. If I ever come across someone like that again, it's either counseling or leave. Don't ever let a man put his hands on you. Don't put up with wrist grabs, pushing, or being blocked from leaving or entering a room. If someone's mantra is, "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission," RUN. If someone has a serious STD and doesn't reveal it until after you'd been intimate, dump them. Right then. It proves how selfish, immature, and prideful they are. If someone is still hooking up with their ex days before you started dating, and they continue to be friends with the ex who wants your boyfriend back, dump him. Been there, done that, no thanks. Anyone else notice that if there's drama with an ex at the beginning of the relationship, it never goes away? She was an issue from the very start (she even stalked us on our first few dates) and was an issue till the very end. If he has an issue with something I did but decides to ignore me for an entire weekend instead of addressing the issue, even when I asked "what is wrong?"...he doesn't know how to communicate..ohhh everything is falling into place on why he went so crazy after his ex cheated on him with a rich married man b/c he internalized everything...he did the same to me...no thanks. If he refuses to declare you're in a relationship together on his facebook, and he also never introduces you as his gf when you meet new people... You've been dating 4 months, he says he wants you to move in, you're the only person he's ever wanted to marry..yet he has no desires for me to meet any of his family though he is on good terms with them.. I learned I know what I'm physically attracted to, so I need to stick with that even though the steriotypes of that type of person is usually correct and a handful to deal with. Unfortunately the grass is not greener which I thought if I dated someone the complete opposite would be true.. I need someone with a high libido who is not afraid to do it with the lights on...oh yeah and please don't swear like a porn star because you make me want to laugh and then gag you. Wow.. I need to meet you. LOL If you're all for equality in a relationship and won't bitch me out if you are thirsty and ask for a drink of water @ 3AM and I tell you that you have legs and can go get it yourself... then I roll over and go back to bed... after a night of making you cum 4-5 times... we're good.
nobmagnet Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I feel you are both ohhhhhhhhhhh so romantic!! hahahahahahah very funny! Nobby xx
sunrae Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I have learned..... I'm not settling for anything lese but the best! I dont have to, and I refuse.... From the words of Sugarland: "I ain't settling for just getting by I've had enough so so for the rest of my life Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high Just enough ain't enough this time I ain't settling for anything less than everything"
GrayClouds Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I learned: Insecure men tend to be very mean in regards to putting me down... If someone wants to fight by raising their voice, name calling, slamming doors, saying hurtful things... Don't ever let a man put his hands on you... If someone's mantra is, "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission," RUN. If someone has a serious STD and doesn't reveal it until after you'd been intimate... If someone is still hooking up with their ex days before you started dating, and they continue to be friends with the ex who wants your boyfriend back, dump him... If he has an issue with something I did but decides to ignore me for an entire weekend ... If he refuses to declare you're in a relationship together on his facebook, and he also never introduces you as his gf when you meet new people... You've been dating 4 months, he says he wants you to move in, you're the only person he's ever wanted to marry.... I need someone with a high libido who is not afraid to do it with the lights on.... I suspect you really did not learn those things. You already knew them but for some reason ignored what you knew. If you really want to learn something from this last failed relationship, and it is true for most of us, look to why you were attracted to someone like that, why you felt you had to try so hard to make it work, what issues in yourself laid the ground work for this behavior and find new way to address those issues. Learn those things are a great deal of work but is what will keep us from repeating destructive patterns. I learned I know what I'm physically attracted to, so I need to stick with that even though the stereotypes of that type of person is usually correct and a handful to deal with.... Here is a novel thought ...I think you deserve someone you are attracted to who is not a handful to deal with. We usually get what we aim for, love does not need to be a struggle. And you do not need to settle for less. .
ginyi1111 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I have learnt that actions speak louder than words. Never settle for just words. I have learnt that if your bf still tears at the thought of his previous relationship that ended two years ago, he is still NOT over her no matter what he says how much he loves you. I have learnt that men can always go back on their words. What they said or promised in the past does not count.
annxxdisaster Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Wow.. I need to meet you. LOL If you're all for equality in a relationship and won't bitch me out if you are thirsty and ask for a drink of water @ 3AM and I tell you that you have legs and can go get it yourself... then I roll over and go back to bed... after a night of making you cum 4-5 times... we're good. Where's the equality in that?
annxxdisaster Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I learned that women are crazy. Women are a lot of things, crazy is one of them. But look in America the sort of standards we get to deal with and have to live in! You have to be a little crazy to handle all that.
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Women are a lot of things, crazy is one of them. But look in America the sort of standards we get to deal with and have to live in! You have to be a little crazy to handle all that. Heheh, perhaps...
annxxdisaster Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 ...or the hormones. That's normally what I blame it on. We get all the breaks. :x!
HeavenOrHell Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I've learnt that very few men can stay monogamous, few men will stay with someone for life, they HAVE to sow their wild oats. I thought my ex was different, how naive can I be. I've learnt that people sometimes deny the truth even to themselves. I've learnt that you can't rely on anyone but yourself. I've learnt that if someone says they love you or will never leave you, then soon after they will do or say the opposite, so nothing is solid. I've learnt that relationships need time and effort put into them. I've learnt to not take a partner for granted. I've learnt that nothing is forever, except for the lucky few who stay with their partner for life. I've learnt how much I truly loved my partner and now it's too late. Well actually I always knew how much I loved him but didn't realise to what extent I loved and needed him until he left.
sedgwick Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I learned how much I could hurt. I also learned what I could survive.
paleblue Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 i learned how not to be a doormat anymore. i learned how important it is to maintain my dignity, pride and self worth through it all. i also learned to pay more attention to those little red flags. and when something doesnt feel right - there usually IS something wrong..... trust has to be earned. i think there are prob another 100 things i can think of but these come to mind first.
Citizen Erased Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I learned not to stay with someone because of fear of hurting them. That I can't settle for "opposites attract", I need someone that has at least some similarities with myself. That if I hyperventilate at the thought of marriage with them, relationship is pretty much done.
thepulse27 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Grayclouds: 'If you really want to learn something from this last failed relationship, and it is true for most of us, look to why you were attracted to someone like that, why you felt you had to try so hard to make it work, what issues in yourself laid the ground work for this behavior and find new way to address those issues. Learn those things are a great deal of work but is what will keep us from repeating destructive patterns.' This is brilliant. Thank you. I think I hold on too long to what used to be there (like total and utter happiness), either trying to bring it back, or kidding myself that it's still there. I also definitely have a thing for saving people. I want to be there for someone, and I want to be everything they want in every way, whenever they need me, because I love the validation that comes with their appreciation. But after a while this stops coming, probably because what I do has just become the norm, and I am left feeling unhappy and unappreciated. And there is only so much you can be completely giving and forgiving, before someone starts to walk all over you, maybe even without noticing themselves.
bettedaviseyes Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 -I learned that there is a soft side to the bad guy. -Long distance relationships got more active faults than the San Andreas fault and more roller coasters than six flags. -Scums have a hard time staying serious. -Don't expect significant other to be as clingy to you as to them. -Don't be so clingy. -You might not be the only one (in certain cases) -My problems were typical, I wasn't alone. -I learned what type of men I liked. -Don't fall for the one that will treat you like ****.
icyness Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 (edited) I've learned no matter how much you love someone/they love you, or how well you think you know them, you can never really know them 100%...ever. Edited February 10, 2010 by icyness
DagnyT Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I learnt just how deep can the hurt go. And learnt to be proud of myself for all that I am.
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