ianjose Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 [COLOR=darkblue]Point 1: Be independent. Just because you marry, it doesn't mean you must embrace everything about your partner. Sometimes, you forget about how different you two are because you've been together for so long. Don't lose your uniqueness because it's the same thing that attracted both you and your partner in the first place. Try to take on different interests and encourage your partner to do so too. Point 2: Never be angry at the same time. When you're angry, you hear nothing else and you don't care about anything else. If you find that both you and your partner are angry, try to have some space. Calm down. Then talk. Be sensitive to each other's ups and downs. Talk through the problem and hear each other out. Abandon the whole world rather than each other. And never go to sleep without settling the argument. Most importantly, never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Point 3: If you have to disagree, do it lovingly. There will be lots of times when you and your spouse won't agree at all in some aspects. Don't make your point sound like a criticism to your partner. It doesn't matter who is wrong or right. Always bear in mind that an argument doesn't need a winner or a loser. Point 4: Never bring up mistakes of the past. Whenever something goes wrong, do not rub past issues in. Don't dwell over the past such that you become blind with the wonderful things ahead of your relationship. Point 5: At least once every day, try to say one thoughtful or complimentary thing to your partner. When a couple always spends time with each other, they often forget about courtesy. "Take the trash out. Do the laundry." Isn't there something missing in those phrases? Perhaps putting "Please" before each sentence would make it sound so much better. Never take each other for granted. Showing constantly that you both like each other will help keep your relationship fresh. Even something as simple as complementing on your spouse's looks or buying little unexpected gifts can help. Look for the things that would make your partner feel appreciated. How do you live by the guidelines stated earlier? Lower your pride. But don't get me wrong. Pride is a good thing. It keeps your head high in public. It's not a bad thing to have pride in someone or something. But in private, when you're with your partner, keep the pride level down; because it becomes a wall your partner would have to overcome.[/COLOR]
lonelyandfrustrated Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 #1 is horrible advice. Might as well read: spend your best times away from your spouse! Make sure you have as little fun TOGETHER as possible!
crazycatlady Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I think #1 is great advice. I always shake my head at spouses who seem to do everything together, they tend to fight a lot more. But your time apart does have to be respectful. It also gives you something new to talk about. Even when we have the same hobby we go on different nights (cheaper not to get a sitter) some of the time so we also have something different to talk about that way too. I agree mostly with what is written. I do think it forgot to mention something along the lines of being with the other person. Really being with them. Not just being around them, but hearing them, seeing them etc. All the things you do when to use an old fashioned word, courting. CCL
angie2443 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 #1 is horrible advice. Might as well read: spend your best times away from your spouse! Make sure you have as little fun TOGETHER as possible! I mostly agree. While I understand that couples need a break from each other once in a while, if they aren't sharing a life together, what's the point? In my observation, most couples make sure to keep their own interest, have time apart, etc. What many couples forget, is to spend time together (sleeping in the same bed and bieng in the same house doesn't count). How often do you here couples complain about growing apart and out of love on these boards? How often do you here people complain that they have to much in common with their partners and they're always doing things together that they enjoy?
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Enjoy being with your spouse, but also enjoy 'your' alone time, meaning each person in a relationship/marriage has to have hobbies, other interests, time alone, time for other friends, etc.. Never go to bed pissed off with one another. Also, don't have 'serious' discussions before bed. Serious as in problems in the marriage, or emotionally charged stuff. Always say I love you daily. Show it inaction too. Keep your sex life spicy and passionate, it takes effort by both couples. Laugh and be silly. Especially during the rough times in life. Remember why you fell inlove with your spouse in the first place.
Blindsidedagainalive Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Don't have sex with people other than your spouse.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 How often do you here people complain that they have to much in common with their partners and they're always doing things together that they enjoy? Exactly! lol. Nice way to put it.
crazycatlady Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Being independant and having outside interests makes spending time together special and fun. It also keeps either spouse from feeling their are being denied their pleasurable hobbies because the other spouse hates it, it can keep a spouse from feeling resentful if one hobby is shared and the other's hobby is not. My H likes to storm chase. I'm not into storm chasing. So I stay at home. I like to eat meditranian food and hot wings H not so much, so I go out with a girl friend to get those. And I meet girl friends for coffee dates. I go with girl friends to movies my H would hate to go to, and he goes with his friends. He goes and plays poker because he enjoys it. I do to, but not as much so he goes out to do that. I'm not a big basketball fan, H loves it, so I will go find something else to do while he's watching a big game. But we make time for us. We have our rituals that we do together. We get in the car and drive and he sings to me. We go out karaokeing (and no I don't sing) and he loves for me to be there watching him. We go to movies. And while most people would think this is weird, when we were dating we would go to the book store buy books and then go out to eat and read. We didn't talk much, but the pleasure of being able to do this with each other and not have the other person feeling left out is wonderful. We both are avid readers and loved that the other didn't mind the reading at a meal. Its a bonding for us instead of a divider that most would assume. Makes us feel young. But we try at least once a week to each get out for some of our own time apart. Apart from the kids, apart from each other. Since we started doing this, we are closer then we were before. We fight less. I don't feel lost in the role of wife and mother and I can be CrazyCat again. ME. H always took time for himself and I never begrudged him, and he was always pushing me to take time for myself and I didn't do it very well or very often. He finally convinced me that it would be good right after we had a huge freaking blow up that if we had been where I could easily have left, I probably would have. But having our time apart my having ME time....Yeah I slowly was able to find myself and it really helped us reconnect and be stronger. I can tell now when I haven't had enough time to myself for myself. Its important. CCL
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I would add: Don't downgrade yourselves down to 'roommate' status. That is one mistake I made in my first marriage that I absolutely will not in my second. We want to stay lovers, and to do so means never getting 'too' familiar. See the lyrics to the song "Wives and Lovers" for further clarification.
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