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How to Stop an infatuation or Crush

stevenlee

By stevenlee
in Long-Distance Relationships

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stevenlee Member

stevenlee

Posted
Posted

My wife and I separated for a while, (We are still friends and we never fought, she just was unhappy and left)

but she moved back into the extra bedroom a while ago.

 

I'm trying to work things out more than her (she doesn't think it will work, I don't know how to motivate her to try more)

 

I just found out tonight that she has a crush on her brother in law (her brothers wife's brother) and has had one for years (gross I know)

 

He is in Italy, so no immediate threat but while I was putting our son to bed, I overheard her flirting with him (the rooms are right next door to each other) she said stuff like "I was staring into your eyes for hours today" (I guess talking about a picture) (he found her on facebook a few days ago)

 

I walked in the room after my son was asleep only to find her flashing her boobs at him over a webcam at him

 

We talked about it because she was embarrassed, but I didn't get the feeling that she was going to stop.

 

What can I do to stop this infatuation with this guy and get her to focus on trying to work things out?

 

I really don't know what to do about this, Please help

 

thank you,

Steve

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

I'd buy her a ticket to Italy.

 

Seriously.

 

Out.

 

I had a flashback to childhood and it was so, so not like that. I really feel for kids these days. Thanks for being a good father.

freestyle Established Member

freestyle

Posted
Posted
I'd buy her a ticket to Italy.

 

Seriously.

 

Out.

 

I had a flashback to childhood and it was so, so not like that. I really feel for kids these days. Thanks for being a good father.

 

 

Carhill's right. Though I'd suggest a one-way ticket........

 

For her to flirt like that within earshot of you and your son , was completely brazen and disrespectful.

 

Time for the 180.

New_Life08 Established Member

New_Life08

Posted
Posted

Well, first of all he is not her brother in law. He is her brother's brother in law. So, it isn't an issue of him being "family" to her.

 

As for the affair, it is an emotional affair. There is nothing you can do to force her to stop communication with him. The more you do, the more she will seek him.

 

You need to focus on yourself. Maybe she needs to find another place to live. She is having her cake and eating it too; while it would be pretty awkward for you to have a date with her living there. Why should your life be on hold while she's camming with someone else?

 

You need to put your foot down and tell her to find her own place. She is not going to stop this behavior until you give her a reason to want you back. As long as you put up with it, why should she change?

 

This is one of those times where you may need to suffer some pain in order to get your own life together and be healthy. If you can do this you may realize that you don't even want her anymore.

 

All my best...

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
Though I'd suggest a one-way ticket.......

 

Yes, a one-way award ticket. Airlines have them these days. I wouldn't spend more than the taxes/fees on that ticket to get her gone. :)

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

Posted
Posted

put her bags out on the curb

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stevenlee Member

stevenlee

Posted
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Posted

she was sorta apologetic, (not really for doing it, more that she doesn't want to feel guilty for hurting me) but she kind of said something like she doesn't to talk about it, but then she talked to me about it (weird)

I did tell her how I feel, I'm not pressuring her to get back together, but I love her and she knows that, (I dont tell her "I love you" but she knows) it is hard for me not to share my feelings with her, she is my best friend and she says that I'm her best friend (she doesn't share her feelings with me too much though

 

I don't know how to snap her out of her selfish thoughts and actions, she just pushes her emotions away so she doesn't have to deal with them.

 

I can't kick her out because I can't tell my 5 year old son that I'm kicking his mom out because she is being stupid, also later in his life I don't want him resenting me for not doing everything possible to reconcile.

 

thank you for your responses and your help, if you have anything to add or comment, I'm all ears (er eyes, lol)

Karena Member

Karena

Posted
Posted (edited)
she was sorta apologetic, (not really for doing it, more that she doesn't want to feel guilty for hurting me) but she kind of said something like she doesn't to talk about it, but then she talked to me about it (weird)

I did tell her how I feel, I'm not pressuring her to get back together, but I love her and she knows that, (I dont tell her "I love you" but she knows) it is hard for me not to share my feelings with her, she is my best friend and she says that I'm her best friend (she doesn't share her feelings with me too much though

 

I don't know how to snap her out of her selfish thoughts and actions, she just pushes her emotions away so she doesn't have to deal with them.

 

I can't kick her out because I can't tell my 5 year old son that I'm kicking his mom out because she is being stupid, also later in his life I don't want him resenting me for not doing everything possible to reconcile.

 

thank you for your responses and your help, if you have anything to add or comment, I'm all ears (er eyes, lol)

 

You seem like a nice guy, but you aren't being honest with yourself. You don't want to kick your wife out because you want her there and it isn't for the benefit of your son. You are making excuses. You CAN kick her out and YOU SHOULD! Do it FOR your son.

 

Your options are to let her stay there and have your son overhear her "flirting", talking sex, and romancing another man, one who is NOT his father right under your nose. If you heard her clearly from your son's room, he can too. His hearing is probably better than your own. What if it was your child who woke up during the night and walked in to find his mom flashing herself to another man on a webcam instead of you? What impression is that going to make on him? You need to get her out of your house for your son's sake! Five year olds are a lot smarter than you think they are, and he shouldn't have to put up with watching or HEARING his own dad being made a cuckold by his mom right underneath his nose.

 

Your wife is NOT your best friend, she is using you!! Best friends don't treat each other the despicable way she is treating you. She is NOT pushing away her emotions, she is GIVING herself emotionally to another man. The only one she is pushing away is YOU!

 

Your wife has already left your marriage, you are in it alone. So let her take the blame for it and get her out of there before your son sees or hears too much.

Edited by Karena
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