BiscuitXOXO Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) First off, I am in high school now. I realize that I'm still young and that I will meet more amazing guys whenever I leave home. But please hear me out. I have known this guy since elementary school. Let's call him J. We were friends as all little kids are friends. I began liking him in 8th grade, and became pretty good friends with him through high school. I consider him one of my best friends. We are now seniors, and he has asked me to prom. I have said yes, of course. He is my first and strongest crush, though not the only crush. And I don't know how to proceed. Now, I just want to know if he likes me romantically or not. He has never said he liked me; he has never said he thought I was cute. He has flirted with me, but only a little. I am the first girl he's ever asked to any date (prom) and he's the second guy who has asked me out(the first guy was to last year's prom but I said no because I didn't want to go with that guy...he's friends with J btw. He moved during the summer.) We both did not participate in prom last year...almost the only two in our class who didn’t. It may sound discouraging since he doesn't flirt a lot, but that's just how he is. To describe J: On one side he's a stoic, kind, honest, trustworthy, pious asian guy who is respectful of and obedient to his mother. On the other side, he’s a fun and funny, active, athletic rebel who thinks humor is the key to a good life and can’t wait to escape his mother by going to college. Of course he has his faults; I know him well enough now to be annoyed occasionally, but overall I really really like him and might even love him in a friendly way. To describe me: I am of slightly higher social status than he is, by like 0.0001%. We’re both asian. I am number 2 in the class; he is number 3, and we tease each other about this. I am talented and funny, mildly popular and mildly pretty. Talented as in I have gone to State in music, debate, and academics. Funny as in I can make him laugh. Popular as in people know me and say hi to me, and wouldn’t mind claiming me as a friend. I have the potential to be beautiful, but I just have 1) small boobs(A/B), 2) some white spots on my teeth that have been there since childhood, and 3) a few skin blemishes, like most normal human beings. I’m 5’4’’, 105 lb. He’s about 5 inches taller than me. We hang out together, do school experiments together, homework, lunch, etc. Sometimes in a group, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes on a “double date” – like thing with my best friend and her bf. He is very nice to me, very kind and considerate, and pays attention to me. For example, if we’re outside and I shiver, he asks, “Are you cold?” and offers a jacket. Or if we’re at a restaurant and my food arrives late, he offers his immediately while everyone else is just digging in. I have never seen him pay this kind of attention to any other girl; however, he could just be being polite and gentlemanly to one of his friends who happens to be a girl. Sometimes there is eye contact between us, when he just smiles and gets this look in his eyes and my heart just beats faster, there is a little chemistry. But we’re both too shy to hold it too long. The way he asked me to prom: my best friend was trying to set her bf up to ask her, so she brought up the subject. Somehow, the conversation twisted around to me and whether I was going this year or not since I didn’t go last year. J was a little quieter than usual, when he suddenly interrupted the 3 other people who were trying to convince me to go this year and asked, “Will you go to prom with me?” It was a big shocker to me, and I was too stunned to think, so I kept him waiting for a day. I heard from some people later that he was quieter than usual for the rest of the day. However, he also talks about other girls in front of me. At this camp he went to, he met this girl who was “kinda cute” but he didn’t succeed in asking her to dance on the last night. After the camp, he got a Myspace solely to keep in touch with her. But then when I asked him what her name was, he couldn’t remember. ... Also, while playing Truth or Dare, he rated me as only the 6th hottest girl in the school. And the 4 of the other 5 girls in front of me are not taken, and he knows at least 3 of them pretty well too. And I know that they wouldn’t reject him, he’s pretty cute and mildly popular himself. I also know his friends didn't pressure him into asking me, since they had been pushing for this other girl. I'm afraid to confront him because we are both very new at this boy-girl thing even though we're seniors in high school. We've pretty much kept each other from getting close to other people; him by distracting me from other boys, and me by deterring any other girl who might approach him, but doesn't want me to dislike her. My theory is that he likes me fine, but doesn’t think I’m “the one.” He’s waiting to head out to a bigger lake with more, perhaps better fish. Meanwhile, I’m just a really good friend. However, does he have any romantic intentions at all? What is he thinking? I need another perspective, and although I’ve tried to analyze this from the most unbiased point of view possible, I know I’m still biased. Plus I don't know how guys think. Thoughts? I am willing to answer questions or to clarify. Thank you all. Edited February 9, 2010 by BiscuitXOXO
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Mmm...what I'd give to be back in high school...and to be Asian...ah, the memories... I think this is just a combination of his (and perhaps your) shy personalities and plain inexperience...in these cases, your best bet may be to just put it out there...ask him out on a date before prom...kiss him...do something to "break" the friendship mold that the two of you have created... Speaking from experience as "J" many years ago, he sure is hell isn't going to do any of those things...not because he doesn't like you, but because he's unsure of himself in this situation...I have a good idea of what this guy thinks...because I used to be him...
Author BiscuitXOXO Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 USMCHokie, since you "used to be him," would it freak you out if that girl pressed you for a deeper relationship? After all, he's still young and probably doesn't want to commit. And maybe he doesn't even know how he feels, and will turn defensive. When I asked him why me, why not this other girl he had said during Truth or Dare a few weeks ago who he wanted to ask to prom, he just said, "Cuz I FELT like it." Which doesn't leave much room for discussion.
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 USMCHokie, since you "used to be him," would it freak you out if that girl pressed you for a deeper relationship? After all, he's still young and probably doesn't want to commit. And maybe he doesn't even know how he feels, and will turn defensive. When I asked him why me, why not this other girl he had said during Truth or Dare a few weeks ago who he wanted to ask to prom, he just said, "Cuz I FELT like it." Which doesn't leave much room for discussion. It's just a date...it's not like you're committing for life and getting married...seriously, don't get ahead of yourself... It's ok if he doesn't know how he feels now...he's not supposed to...just take it one step at a time...and have fun...you're still young...
Disillusioned Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Not all of us men are willing to admit it if we feel romantic toward a woman. We don't enjoy getting hurt.
You'reasian Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 USMCHokie, since you "used to be him," would it freak you out if that girl pressed you for a deeper relationship? After all, he's still young and probably doesn't want to commit. And maybe he doesn't even know how he feels, and will turn defensive. When I asked him why me, why not this other girl he had said during Truth or Dare a few weeks ago who he wanted to ask to prom, he just said, "Cuz I FELT like it." Which doesn't leave much room for discussion. I'm Asian...sort of..... No problem expressing emotions - my first HS girlfriend and I are still friends Dated mostly non-Asian girls back in HS, but I can say that deep relationships run contrary to what HS should be all about; getting good grades, your diploma and having fun.
Author BiscuitXOXO Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 I'm sorry, I didn't mean commit like marriage, I know THAT's not gonna happen based on high school lol. That was a poor choice of wording on my part, sorry...and I think writing all this out has helped me sort out my emotions and thoughts, thank you all for responding =D
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