Steph1245 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I have a huge crush on a married man..He is a friend of my family..acutally his mother and my mother are friends, and i see him occasionally. Im 24,Single, no children..The thing that makes this crush hard to deal with is because i can tell that the feelings are Mutual..Hes always staring with very sensual eye contact...... when i see him he makes an attempt to hug me or be within physical closeness..its almost like i can feel his sexual energy whenever im in his presence. But of course the main problem is he is MARRIED...Now i've never had an affair before...but my feelings for him are developing and i am starting to entertain the thought....i guess i wouldnt feel this way so much about him if he didnt Flirt so much... Part of me wants to try to forget about him ...and the other part wants to jump his bones!! PLEASE PLEASE help!!!! Im so confused my feelings grow stronger for him everytime i think about him...Should i or shouldnt i....how do i get over this "Forbidden Crush"??
norajane Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well, first, stop with the There is nothing about this. You want to have sex with this guy, and you're letting your imagination run away with you. I have a suggestion. Why don't you talk to your mother about it? I'm sure she'll give you some good advice. Can't talk to your mom about it? Ah. Then, you see that there is something very, very wrong with it. Pay attention to that. Mom's know best.
sally4sara Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 he is MARRIED PLEASE PLEASE help!!!! Im so confused my feelings grow stronger for him everytime i think about him...Should i or shouldnt i....how do i get over this "Forbidden Crush"?? You could, say, try to remember that your actions will have a negative consequence and place some importance on the concept of maintaining some integrity and self worth. Simple really.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 There is someone you may not be thinking of, and that is the man's wife. Even if you do not like her or anything like that, I am sure you do not want to be part of causing a very serious emotional injury to another human being. This will do nothing to help your self-esteem either. You are not special to this man, you will simply be an amusement.
Leia Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well, first, stop with the There is nothing about this. You want to have sex with this guy, and you're letting your imagination run away with you. I have a suggestion. Why don't you talk to your mother about it? I'm sure she'll give you some good advice. Can't talk to your mom about it? Ah. Then, you see that there is something very, very wrong with it. Pay attention to that. Mom's know best. The best advice ever!
Author Steph1245 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Well it still ticks me off....That MM feel like they can openly flirt with single women...Why do they blantantly do this?? Because usually it is not the other woman who pursues a MM its the other way around ....
2sunny Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well it still ticks me off....That MM feel like they can openly flirt with single women...Why do they blantantly do this?? Because usually it is not the other woman who pursues a MM its the other way around .... even though he will tell you otherwise - it is to make himself feel good, wanted, desired. you happen to be his target instead of his wife. it feeds his ego... so, you see, it's not about you - it's really about him and getting his needs met. are you sure you want to participate in that sort of selfish scenario for him? mean, if you do - he gains a lot - and you lose a lot in this process...
Author Steph1245 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 @2 sunny...Yeah you're right ....I guess i never thought about it that way...im going to completely avoid him now...i bet that will puncture his over-inflated ego..lol And force him to focus on his wife.
Trimmer Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) even though he will tell you otherwise - it is to make himself feel good, wanted, desired. you happen to be his target instead of his wife. it feeds his ego... so, you see, it's not about you - it's really about him and getting his needs met. ... and doesn't that tell you something important about him, that you may want to factor in to your view of him, which may help to dull that crush a little bit? If you really think about who he is, and the kind of man he is, just remind yourself of what 2sunny has written above. Remind yourself that he is turning away from his wife (and family? are there kids?) to satisfy something that he won't try to do within his marriage. As far as your "should I or shouldn't I" question, let's say you decide that you "should." The next thing you have to answer is: "should what?" Let's press the fast-forward button and see what you have in mind. Are you thinking of a quick fling, once-and-done? Or a longer term hookup, but just a sex thing only, kept on the D/L and intending to keep it a secret from his family (and yours, of course...) Or are you imagining he might be "the one", and important enough that you might want him to leave his wife (and family?) and be with you long term? Seriously, this isn't just a rhetorical question - you should consider various possible outcomes, realistically, because if you do this, the consequences are going to be real, not fantasy. One time hookup ---- we get discovered / we don't get discovered. mid-to-long-term sexual-only relationship ---- what happens when we get discovered? (it will probably happen.) Up until discovery, what happens when one of us starts to get deeper feelings than the other one? Am I ready for him to leave his family and expect more of me? Could I handle it if I eventually want more, and he doesn't, and drops me as a "complication?" Definitely hope for long term committed relationship, with him leaving his family - as in the above cases, you have to consider the fallout with both families, the damage done to the immediate families, as well as the rupture and grief this will cause between the families. It sounds like you are in a stage now where it's just a fantasy: crush -> jump his bones... Should I??? And it's tempting to want to stay there in dream land - actually, it's a defense against the horrors you would confront if you really thought it through. So as long as you keep it a fantasy crush, and you know that you'd never act on it, then great - have your fantasy. But since you asked, explicitly: "should I?" I'm trying to get you to consider it in the real world, because that's where you would have to live it, nagivate it, and accept the consequences of it. And forgetting the damage done to those around you, there would be nothing more devastating to you, yourself, than to jump in, naively expecting the fantasy, and eventually getting smashed, full force, by reality. You will eventually end up there (reality) anyway, there's no avoiding that. You might as well start now, thinking about what that looks like. Edited to add: This crossposted, and I see you've already done a bit of a turnaround... Keep thinking about the reality of his situation. And unfortunately, if he really is "on the prowl", it may not so much force him back to his wife, as to turn him loose in another direction, but the important thing for you is that you escape the damage that might have occurred. Edited February 9, 2010 by Trimmer
Jeff1962 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Ok Steph. So a married guy wants to fu*k you. Whoo freakin' hoo. If you persue this you will get exactly what is coming to you. Heartache. RUN!
Hazyhead Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Please Steph, don't do it. It seems like it could be harmless right now, you know, a bit of a fling, nobody finds out, right? It doesn't often work like that. Sure, you might be able to walk away, but if there's a chance you might develop feelings for him, then it's not worth it. You WILL get hurt, even if he ends up splitting from his wife. Consequences. Carefully consider them.
bittersweet memories Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 even though he will tell you otherwise - it is to make himself feel good, wanted, desired. you happen to be his target instead of his wife. it feeds his ego... so, you see, it's not about you - it's really about him and getting his needs met. are you sure you want to participate in that sort of selfish scenario for him? mean, if you do - he gains a lot - and you lose a lot in this process... BINGO...I totally agree with you. Its all about feeding his ego..so be careful you will be the one getting hurt in this...no doubt.
Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 What I don't understand is how a woman can have so little self-respect as to even entertain the idea of being some married man's side dish. I simply don't get it. Aren't there any single guys interested in you?
Impudent Oyster Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well it still ticks me off....That MM feel like they can openly flirt with single women...Why do they blantantly do this?? Because usually it is not the other woman who pursues a MM its the other way around .... Because some women don't have what it takes to shut them down. Loads of MM flirt with single women. Who cares why they do it? The question you should be asking is, why do you flirt back? Are you not capable of making it clear that you aren't interested?
BlueeyedJonesy Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I don't see why women make such a huge stink about MM flirting...its human nature to flirt or lust after something that isn't yours..now if it becomes "intimate" and I don't mean sex...because if you look up the definition of intimacy there is nothing there about sex...I mean if he wants to TRULY get to know you and connect with you on a spiritual level..then you have problems..but until then..you are just a good looking girl he would like on the side..sorry if it seems harsh. I'm a bartender and almost every guy that hits on me is MARRIED! I'm married as well...if it weren't forbidden who would really care?
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well it still ticks me off....That MM feel like they can openly flirt with single women...Why do they blantantly do this?? Because usually it is not the other woman who pursues a MM its the other way around .... EGO FEED. Men (and women) like to know they still 'have it' even though they're married. It's flattering when someone else other than your spouse finds you attractive. He is a friend of my family..acutally his mother and my mother are friends And the fact he's married - I think you know it's just plain wrong to get involved with him. IF you CHOOSE (and it is a choice) to pursue him, BE prepared for a fallout..A huge fallout. To face your mom, his mom, his wife. Because chances are quite high you two WILL get caught. You're young, don't waste time on an older married family friend. It's a crush, leave it at that. If you take it to another level you will get hurt and also help him hurt and betray his wife. Let alone embarress yourself as to the fact your mom and his mom are close friends. Really THINK this through.
herenow Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I have a huge crush on a married man..He is a friend of my family..acutally his mother and my mother are friends, and i see him occasionally. Im 24,Single, no children..The thing that makes this crush hard to deal with is because i can tell that the feelings are Mutual..Hes always staring with very sensual eye contact...... when i see him he makes an attempt to hug me or be within physical closeness..its almost like i can feel his sexual energy whenever im in his presence. But of course the main problem is he is MARRIED...Now i've never had an affair before...but my feelings for him are developing and i am starting to entertain the thought....i guess i wouldnt feel this way so much about him if he didnt Flirt so much... Part of me wants to try to forget about him ...and the other part wants to jump his bones!! PLEASE PLEASE help!!!! Im so confused my feelings grow stronger for him everytime i think about him...Should i or shouldnt i....how do i get over this "Forbidden Crush"?? So you are a friend of the family and he hugs you when he sees you. Are you sure his looks are sexual? Or are you seeing them that way because of the way you feel? I hug everyone, men and women. It's part of who I am and how I greet people. Is it possible that you are taking his actions as something more? He could be flirting with you and that is where it stops. Other than hugs and looks, do you have any indication that he would cross that line with the daughter of his mother's friend? Even if he did, why would you want to have sex with the married son of your mother's friend? How do you think your mother would feel about that? If you can't find the respect for yourself to stop this type of thinking, please have enough respect for your mother to not have sex with her friend's son.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 So you are a friend of the family and he hugs you when he sees you. Are you sure his looks are sexual? Or are you seeing them that way because of the way you feel? I hug everyone, men and women. It's part of who I am and how I greet people. Is it possible that you are taking his actions as something more? He could be flirting with you and that is where it stops. Other than hugs and looks, do you have any indication that he would cross that line with the daughter of his mother's friend? Even if he did, why would you want to have sex with the married son of your mother's friend? How do you think your mother would feel about that? If you can't find the respect for yourself to stop this type of thinking, please have enough respect for your mother to not have sex with her friend's son. WoWee!@ very well said!
bentnotbroken Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well it still ticks me off....That MM feel like they can openly flirt with single women...Why do they blantantly do this?? Because usually it is not the other woman who pursues a MM its the other way around .... Blanket statement that doesn't pertain to your choice at all. Because someone pursues doesn't mean you should "entertain:rolleyes:" the idea of "jumping his bones". Don't you own a brain within your own head? It's the old saying are you going to let others lead you around by the nose? Is it necessary for someone else to tell you the difference between right and wrong? And they do it because they can.
1Angel Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 STEPH DO NOT DO THIS! It is not too late to do a U turn but if you keep on it will be. Mark my words: it will be nothing but trouble for you. RUN away. There is a single guy out there for you who is so much better no matter how attractive this one may seem now. Don't do it!
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I have a daughter who is almost 22. She works in a mostly male dominated job. She works 24 hours on and sleeps there. I sat her down recently to have this exact talk with her. She rolled her eyes most of the time, stopping me, saying, "mom, I KNOW this." I know she knows, but its different when the time comes and you are enjoying the attention, confused about intentions. I wanted her to be prepared with the information, which basically was what 2sunny had to say. It happens and you should be prepared for it. The other thing that I can promise you is that if this gets serious, and you get caught, the story told will be that YOU chased him, that YOU had an interest and were interfering in HIS marriage. That's the story he'll stick by and people will tend to believe him. Honey, you've got your whole life ahead of you, do not derail it by accepting the affection of this MM.
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well it still ticks me off....That MM feel like they can openly flirt with single women...Why do they blantantly do this?? Because usually it is not the other woman who pursues a MM its the other way around .... In my experience.. 99.9 of the time.. it's the MM who pursue..
Joe Normal Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 There's a guaranteed way to nip this in the bud. Simply tell him you feel uncomfortable with his flirting and ask him to stop (you must stop reciprocating also). Then you tell him that if it happens one more time, you will inform your mutual friends, family, and his wife about his flirtations. That will probably make him turn green and run a mile. If it doesn't, then you have to go ahead and inform everyone. That will then *guarantee* you can't have an affair - his wife will have him on a tight leash and no one else will let him near you. Exposure is the best way to kill affairs.
OpenBook Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Well it still ticks me off....That MM feel like they can openly flirt with single women...Why do they blantantly do this?? Beats the he!! out of me. It ticks me off too Steph. It's COMPLETELY unfair. And if I was their W I would be totally embarrassed by my H's behavior - but that never seems to happen, and instead the W always redirects their vitriol to the object of his desire (you). It's such a sick joke. But that's the way the world works. Also, people notice that kind of thing, whether you think they do or not. I have no doubt your family has already caught on to this guy's attraction to you (and vice versa). They are all watching YOU to see how you're going to handle it. Although they usually don't watch the drooling MM or hold him accountable - he gets to keep on doing it, to whomever the next target is that he decides to fixate his leering stares at. Which is another completely unfair thing. What a mess! If I were you I'd stay away from this one, like the plague!! For my own self-preservation, if nothing else. You got no time for this, you got too much living to do out there. :bunny:
bentnotbroken Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Beats the he!! out of me. It ticks me off too Steph. It's COMPLETELY unfair. And if I was their W I would be totally embarrassed by my H's behavior - but that never seems to happen, and instead the W always redirects their vitriol to the object of his desire (you). It's such a sick joke. But that's the way the world works. Also, people notice that kind of thing, whether you think they do or not. I have no doubt your family has already caught on to this guy's attraction to you (and vice versa). They are all watching YOU to see how you're going to handle it. Although they usually don't watch the drooling MM or hold him accountable - he gets to keep on doing it, to whomever the next target is that he decides to fixate his leering stares at. Which is another completely unfair thing. What a mess! If I were you I'd stay away from this one, like the plague!! For my own self-preservation, if nothing else. You got no time for this, you got too much living to do out there. :bunny: Come OB you are better than that statement. It isn't always. I know Mr. Messy was the pursuer. I know he was the azz. No delusions on my part or my head being stuck in the sand. That's why I made the choices I did. I couldn't trust HIM. The ow got the anger for the things she did after d-day. Some of which involved my children.
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