Looking at engagement rings - and my GF starts talking about sex with another guy?

[rod_in_gtown]

Yeah, it was probably insensitive of her to mention it at a time when you were both shopping for wedding rings. But sounds like it was just an expression of the trust she feels that she doesn't feel she has to hide her sexual past from you and be open about it. She probably felt that it wasn't a big deal specially since it happened such a long time ago.

 

Relationships are hard, it's ok to feel hurt. Ask to hear her explanation and side of the story. I doubt she did it on purpose just to hurt you, if you're thinking about marriage you should know her better than to assume she would to something so callous.

 

In the end, if you want to make the marriage work, you should say your peace, let her say her side of the story, and move forward.

[callingyouuu]

Maybe she said "gees I remember that guy wanted sex all the time and I was so not into it because he was so rough with me especially since he would get all leechy and start pawing one of my breasts like a dog in heat when I wasn't in the mood"

 

or

 

She could have said "when he was on top of me and going at it and he was ready to cum he looked like Linda Blair in the exorcist and his eyes would roll back and I swear he was speaking in tongues"

which would be VERY different from:

 

"Ohh that Kenny, I remember Sundays with him he used to go down on me for hours, and then when he finally penetrated me he would do this thing in with his finger that drove me nuts, anyway about that ring...."

 

In the first two cases she described in detail their sex life but it wasn't exactly something to get offended at, he just would be solely focusing on the imagery of her having sex with another guy, not the point of her story.

 

In the latter, she is way out of line and then he has every right to feel so hurt.

 

See, this is another point where guys and girls differ.

 

I was researching an article for class, and stumbled upon this:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/01/100126123210.htm

 

"Research has documented that most men become much more jealous about sexual infidelity than they do about emotional infidelity. Women are the opposite, and this is true all over the world."

 

Not to say that this is an issue of infidelity, but just the image of your SO having sex with someone else is worse (for a guy) than her having been emotionally attached to someone else. In this case, if she described one of the first two situations, it would be WORSE than the latter situation because it's more focused on the sex than the emotional aspect of it, if viewed from a male perspective.

 

See, the conversation that went on in MY head when I read the OP's reaction was something like the following...

 

"Aww, that ring looks so nice! I love you. :)"

 

12 minutes later...

 

"Umm, hun? Remember Dave? The guy we just saw?

"Yeah?"

"Well, I used to give him BJs in between classes, and he liked to f*** me in the a** over the balcony."

 

As you'll see in the article, not EVERY guy thinks like this, but what is in and out of line depends on the type of person you ask.

Edited February 10, 2010 by callingyouuu

[St. Nick]

We're all bickering about this back and forth. But when is the OP gonna return? There's no point in wasting any more posts if he doesn't return.

[prettybaby]

lol this story is entertaining. I want to know what happened.

[norajane]

Not to say that this is an issue of infidelity, but just the image of your SO having sex with someone else is worse (for a guy) than her having been emotionally attached to someone else. In this case, if she described one of the first two situations, it would be WORSE than the latter situation because it's more focused on the sex than the emotional aspect of it, if viewed from a male perspective.

Seeing that he's got some plan to send his ex-gf a Valentine's Day card, I'm thinking his sensitivity only goes so far and am inclined to discount it unless he can admit that what he's doing isn't right and is disrespectful to his gf.

 

He's freaking out thinking about his gf having sex with some guy years ago long before she was dating him, but he's right now keeping in touch with his ex and thinking about how to make his ex happy with a meaningful VDay card.

 

It doesn't sound like these two are marriage material right now.

[carhill]

It doesn't sound like these two are marriage material right now.

 

Yes, with the inclusion of the other thread content, I'm inclined to agree, without prejudice. They've got some stuff to work on, far more than a spontaneous revelation about an old buddy. My first instinct was correct, but not for the reasons originally perceived.

[Twenty-ten]

I think this thread has been an excellent exercise in how poorly the genders communicate because we bring so many preconceived notions to the table that come from a place of hurt rather than logic.

 

Lesson for all to be had here.

[CLC2008]

I think this thread has been an excellent exercise in how poorly the genders communicate because we bring so many preconceived notions to the table that come from a place of hurt rather than logic.

 

Lesson for all to be had here.

 

Well said 20-10! I think this post is false but it certainly is a great example of what was mentioned above.