Looking at engagement rings - and my GF starts talking about sex with another guy?

[Golden-73]

My Girlfriend of over 1 1/2 year shared with me something I just can’t handle.

 

We were doing so well had very little problems, discussed marriage. We even went out yesterday to look at rings to get engaged on Valentine’s Day! We were both so excited. The jewelry salesman asked me to hang out for an extra minute to give me some inside info on diamonds, and settings.

I walked out about 2 minutes later. I saw her talking to someone I have in seen in about 12 years (an old friend from high school) we all talked for a few minutes. I asked how they knew each other; they both said they worked together about 7 years ago.

Everything was cool. Then 10 minutes later when we were driving down the road, she started telling me about how the used to have sex, and went into detail about all of this. She just crossed the line by doing this, I was so upset I took her straight home, and told her I am so hurt by this, and asked her why she would say this to me? She never answered, just apologized.

I dropped her off in tears, I was decent to her. I did not hug or kiss her when she got out of my truck, I did say bye, and told her I will call her when I am ready. I did make sure she got in her house OK then left. I love this girl, and I have come to reality that I can’t really deal with this. It is not the fact that it happened years ago, it is the fact that she told me 2 minutes after we were looking at rings.

 

I don’t want to keep her waiting or give her false hope. I don’t want to play this I need space time game.

It was such a shock to me I really don’t know what to do?

[calizaggy]

I would be pissed too.. Are you sure she wants to marry you? Either she is incredibly socially inept, or she brought it up on purpose.

[Twenty-ten]

Wait so you didn't know she had other sexual partners? I don't get what the issue is here? She didn't cheat on you right?

[dreamingoftigers]

Personally I say the dumbest things all the damn time. I have no privacy whatsoever and it is because I am trying to connect with people. I have a feeling that this girl is the same. I share stuff with people I am comfortable with, even though it can be stupidly inappropriate. I have told my husband intimate details even as a way to show him how comfortable and connected I feel with him. I would simply tell her how much it hurt and explain why. If you actually love her, you'll take the time to set the proper boundary. I know this may seem very weird to you.

[RobM]

So you freaked out because she told you about sex she had years ago, I think you're over reacting.

[Golden-73]

I know that she has been with other people. She did not cheat, this happened about 7 years ago. It is the fact that she would tell me this 10 minutes after looking at a ring! It is info I did not need, or want to know.

[Peter Attis]

Wait so you didn't know she had other sexual partners? I don't get what the issue is here? She didn't cheat on you right?

 

So you freaked out because she told you about sex she had years ago, I think you're over reacting.

 

Yeah, because EVERYONE LOVES IT WHEN THE PERSON THEY'RE DATING DESCRIBES IN DETAIL THE SEX THEY HAD WITH AN EX.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I think sometimes people really do need space and this would certainly qualify.

 

She clearly chose the wrong time to discuss this with you. She probably felt like if she didn't tell you right away that you would be upset that she hadn't. Could she have been concerned that the guy would tell you and wanted to make sure you heard it from her? Did you not want to know? Did she know you and he knew eachother? Were they in a relationship or just having sex and does that make a difference to you? Should she have said the minimum about it? What if you later learned more detail from him?

 

I think in her shoes I would be very nervous and not sure when to tell you or how much to tell you. In an attempt to be completely honest, she may have totally mishandled it. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

[You'reasian]

My Girlfriend of over 1 1/2 year shared with me something I just can’t handle.

 

We were doing so well had very little problems, discussed marriage. We even went out yesterday to look at rings to get engaged on Valentine’s Day! We were both so excited. The jewelry salesman asked me to hang out for an extra minute to give me some inside info on diamonds, and settings.

I walked out about 2 minutes later. I saw her talking to someone I have in seen in about 12 years (an old friend from high school) we all talked for a few minutes. I asked how they knew each other; they both said they worked together about 7 years ago.

Everything was cool. Then 10 minutes later when we were driving down the road, she started telling me about how the used to have sex, and went into detail about all of this. She just crossed the line by doing this, I was so upset I took her straight home, and told her I am so hurt by this, and asked her why she would say this to me? She never answered, just apologized.

I dropped her off in tears, I was decent to her. I did not hug or kiss her when she got out of my truck, I did say bye, and told her I will call her when I am ready. I did make sure she got in her house OK then left. I love this girl, and I have come to reality that I can’t really deal with this. It is not the fact that it happened years ago, it is the fact that she told me 2 minutes after we were looking at rings.

 

I don’t want to keep her waiting or give her false hope. I don’t want to play this I need space time game.

It was such a shock to me I really don’t know what to do?

 

I can understand why it would be akward - could you have spun it into something humorous?

[Golden-73]

I would have been OK she is told me that they dated in the past.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I know that she has been with other people. She did not cheat, this happened about 7 years ago. It is the fact that she would tell me this 10 minutes after looking at a ring! It is info I did not need, or want to know.

 

Should she have known this about you? Because some men would want to know.

 

Again, what if she had said nothing and you had learned about it from the guy? Would you be upset that she didn't tell you?

 

It seems she was in a bad position any way you look at it.

[carhill]

Delay the proposal

[Barky]

yeah that's pretty weird timing dude. Needless to say: red flag!

[norajane]

She told you 10 minutes after looking at rings because that's when you ran into the guy. Had you run into him a year ago or two weeks from now, she would have told you then right after running into him. She didn't just randomly bring it up out of the blue right after you looked at the rings.

 

She was being honest with you that she'd had a sexual relationship with the guy - she didn't want you in the dark about who he was. She didn't want to omit telling you, because that's a lie of omission if she just let you think he was some work guy. And if you found out later who he really was, you'd be pissed that she kept it from you.

 

As for sharing too much info about the sex, you have to review your past discussions with her about such things. Has she always been open about sharing sexual info about her past partners? Is she open about talking about sex? Have you ever told her not to be so open with the details? If this is how she's always been, then she was just being herself. Love her as she is or don't marry her.

[calizaggy]

Has everyone read the OP?

 

They are shopping for rings and she starts talking about sex with another guy..A guy he just met.

 

Of course he is upset..Is she really that dumb?

[Twenty-ten]

I have to agree with Norajane's line of thinking. I also think she came clean at that point in time due to circumstance of running into the guy which also triggered for her this need to be completely transparent about her past, especially since you are thinking of getting married.

 

Still I am having difficulty with the notion that the OP didn't know she had past sexual experiences?

[St. Nick]

Has everyone read the OP?

 

They are shopping for rings and she starts talking about sex with another guy..A guy he just met.

 

Of course he is upset..Is she really that dumb?

Yeah, and in addition, she went into detail about it. Hey, that's great! After looking at expensive engagment rings for you, while driving home you go into graphic details about your sexual past. Wow. She's a keeper. In addition, she never explained why she would say something like that. Good for her.

 

My advice: keep yer distance, dude. Seriously. Try to work out this problem on your own by spending moments in solitary contemplation. It wil help. Also, you must reconsider marrying her. I would reconsider marrying a woman so thoughtless.

[calizaggy]

Maybe women will never understand men..

 

That is perhaps the WORST mental image a man can have.. His gf sleeping with another man.

[BG1985]

OP knew the guy from high school. His fiance worked with the guy later on. Anyway, if an ex of my girlfriend/fiancee/wife comes up to me and tells me about how they used to have sex, he'd be on the ground, twitching, and needing his jaw wired shut. That's completely classless.

[Mr White]

I would push the proposal *at least* a year due to this episode, until she redeems herself, if at all possible. The issue is not that she had had a fling with that guy . The issue that she rabmbled on and on about this WHILE they are shopping for a ring ant talking about engagement . What a stupid skank.

[norajane]

Wow. If the OP lets you get away with calling his gf a stupid skank without even thinking to defend her, then no, he shouldn't put off their engagement for a year. He should never marry her if he actually thinks she's a stupid skank.

[Leia]

I wonder what the reaction would be if the OP was a girl ...

[meerkat stew]

OP try to cool down some and realize she just wasn't thinking. I've had women say some of the most amazingly thoughtless things to me while I was in the middle of doing something nice for them, just par for the course. If this is her worst defect, would probably proceed with the engagement.

[calizaggy]

I remember telling a girlfriend how much i liked her vagina, as it actually was one of the best looking I have ever seen..

 

Her reply was something like "Oh, I met this one guy last year and he told me the exact same thing"..

 

Which really pissed me off at the time, but she really just did not think something like that was wrong to say, and later she felt bad..Maybe they really do not think..

[soulm8]

Holy smokes boys... talk about men being from Mars! Hello!! The happy couple went ring shopping and ran into an old friend they didn't realize they had mutually. The fact that they were ring shopping is completely irrelevant. Is it really that difficult for men to put themselves in the woman's shoes to try to understand what went down??

 

Upon learning that an ex of her's was actually an old buddy of his, she felt it appropriate to be honest with him. How the hell does that make her a "skank"? How the hell does that "warrant" delaying the engagement?

 

OP, your lady loves and trusts you. If you can't handle the fact that she's had sex with people in her past then you have a problem and I feel really bad for your girlfriend. SHE deserves a more understanding man.

 

Why is it ok for men to have a sexual past (including the apparent need for ongoing porn) yet a woman is a skank if she mentions she's had sex with a mutual friend (years ago). Give me a break! Double standards are disgusting.