glamgurl Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 OK well, here goes I'll try to keep it short and sweet. My (ex) boyfriend’s cousin (who I use to work with) told me he had a thing for me and kept telling me that he was interested in me and wanted me. I never encouraged him but at first didn't tell him to stop i just skirted around the topics, however after he suggested more sexual intentions I did put stop to it and tell him that I couldn't go behind my (ex) boyfriend's back and that he shouldn't either. Well me and my now ex were talking about things ending between us and my ex asked if I knew his cousin had feelings for me and I said yes and my ex wanted to know what was said and i didn't want to tell him what was said because..... I don't know really know why. I guess I saw it as in the past and that I never cheated on him and put everything to an end. But he did not see it that way he wanted to know what was said but I didn't tell him and he got angry and hung up on me. So one question is, was I wrong not to tell him in the first place? (I didn't because they were living together and my ex didn't have anywhere else to go and I didn't want them to get into a fight over it. I thought I was protecting my ex. I guess I was wrong). And I should have told my ex what was said by his cousin right? He was justified in being mad? I hope I'm clear in writing this and you can understand me. I've talked to three people about this situation, now I hope to hear from someone who doesn't know me.
counterman Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 First of all, you have every right not to tell your ex-boyfriend. So, if you choose not to tell him, then your decision has to be respected. You did nothing wrong. If he really wanted to know what was said, he could ask his cousin. I think there will be some conflict if you had told him and I think your ex-boyfriend was looking for information to use against his cousin. Trust me, you want no part in that. May I ask why are you still in contact with your ex anyways? I recommend that you stop contacting him in anyways. He is in your past and you have to move on.
Simon Attwood Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 OK well, here goes I'll try to keep it short and sweet. My (ex) boyfriend’s cousin (who I use to work with) told me he had a thing for me and kept telling me that he was interested in me and wanted me. I never encouraged him but at first didn't tell him to stop i just skirted around the topics, however after he suggested more sexual intentions I did put stop to it and tell him that I couldn't go behind my (ex) boyfriend's back and that he shouldn't either. Well me and my now ex were talking about things ending between us and my ex asked if I knew his cousin had feelings for me and I said yes and my ex wanted to know what was said and i didn't want to tell him what was said because..... I don't know really know why. I guess I saw it as in the past and that I never cheated on him and put everything to an end. But he did not see it that way he wanted to know what was said but I didn't tell him and he got angry and hung up on me. So one question is, was I wrong not to tell him in the first place? (I didn't because they were living together and my ex didn't have anywhere else to go and I didn't want them to get into a fight over it. I thought I was protecting my ex. I guess I was wrong). And I should have told my ex what was said by his cousin right? He was justified in being mad? I hope I'm clear in writing this and you can understand me. I've talked to three people about this situation, now I hope to hear from someone who doesn't know me. Firstly; he is your ex, therefore I can see no reason why he should have a right to expect any explanation. Secondly; you weren't protecting your ex, exactly, but rather protecting the social situation and everyone involved, and that is fair enough. Thirdly; your ex sounds a bit insecure ... so in essence; I can't see that you screwed up in any way. What you don't explain is; why your ex is your ex. It may have been trust issues, or it may have been something his cousin said to him regarding your communications with him. You may even have been set up, who knows?
Author glamgurl Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate them! Well we were talking because that's when we were talking about ending the relationship this happened on Sunday night- he had txt me a bunch of stuff (which included the information about his cousin) and I wanted to talk on the phone about it too. Well everything was ok on the phone- the main reason that we weren't working was because I am very closed off, guarded, etc, I have a very hard time opening up to really anyone and most everyone can't feel close to me and that's basically what was going on between us. He suffers from depression and is feeling really bad and there are other issues in is life as well. He doesn't express his true feelings very much and admitted he is afraid to get close too. So he wanted to breakup and have us work on ourselves and remain friends and see where things may go in the future (that all sounds great but who knows if that was true or not) anyway we were ok on the phone for about an hour then he brought up the part about his cousin and it all went bad from there. He asked what was said I said it wasn't important, that I stopped it, and nothing happened. We went back and forth for about a minute and finally he said yeah it isn't important and hung up on me. I tried to call and text he replied a little, but clearly didn't want to talk to me so I quit contacting him. I haven't heard from him since and I haven't contacted him either. I feel so bad that it was ok between us and that me not telling what was said made him so mad at me and really wants nothing to do with me now. I feel real unsettled and bad, and sad, you know. Ok so anymore insights or comments are appreciated. Thanx
counterman Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 It is the best idea to not contact each other and just work on yourself. If you can't feel close to him and can't open up about how you feel, then the relationship was always going to end. Remain friends with him will only cause you more hurt and sadness because you still have feelings for him. Allow yourself to grieve properly and to heal. Stop calling him or texting him. Texting and calling him will only boost his ego. Those are the types of issues that can occur from being in contact with you ex. Stay strong and stick to No Contact.
Author glamgurl Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 Counterman, Thanks for the reply. I want to stick with no contact and intend to work on myself. The only problem here is that we work together. I haven't seen him yet at work (we are part time). I know how I should act but I'm worried I won't be as professional and civil as I hope or more emotional than appropriate. (And I'm wondering his reaction to me and what others have to say). Any suggestions on how to handle where I'm at now?? Thanks, (and hope you are well).
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