St. Nick Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 The part that gets me is not the "right" or "wrong" of the whole porn thing, it is the fact that this guy is not respecting his lover's feelings. WTF does it matter whether or not it is the right thing to do or not. If the guy said he is going to give up porn and then doesn't REPEATEDLY, then he is a liar without any respect. Every woman sets up boundaries to feel sexually safe, special and respected. This guy is trouncing on them. And WTF can guys supposedly not live without the stuff? What the hell did guys do 100 years ago without the internet, just wither away and die? Why can't women give up their cell phones? Everywhere I go there's a woman on her cellphone? Women are attached to them like it's sewed onto them. What did they do w/o it a hundred years ago without it, are they going to wither away and die without it?
You'reasian Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Why can't women give up their cell phones? Everywhere I go there's a woman on her cellphone? Women are attached to them like it's sewed onto them. What did they do w/o it a hundred years ago without it, are they going to wither away and die without it? LOL!!! :laugh:
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I don't have a cellphone, somehow I am still here... Glad you responded to all of the really important points I posted.
Barky Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Why can't women give up their cell phones? Everywhere I go there's a woman on her cellphone? Women are attached to them like it's sewed onto them. What did they do w/o it a hundred years ago without it, are they going to wither away and die without it? It's an addiction I tell ya. They should be labels as "phonaholics" and sent to therapy. Especially if they've been asked to stop and have refused
You'reasian Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I don't have a cellphone, somehow I am still here.... Uh huh, and we guys never look at porn... Glad you responded to all of the really important points I posted. He did it telepathically.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Libkur, if this relationship doesn't end, it will turn into the train-wreck that my relationship is. The first sign was being sexually rejected repeatedly by my husband. It turns out, it was to watch porn. You guy has an attachment disorder, no healthy man turns down sex from a real woman who wants to touch him to go jerk off. It is only an uphill battle from here. You should never have to second-guess if you are special to anyone. Ever.
St. Nick Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Libkur, if this relationship doesn't end, it will turn into the train-wreck that my relationship is. The first sign was being sexually rejected repeatedly by my husband. It turns out, it was to watch porn. You guy has an attachment disorder, no healthy man turns down sex from a real woman who wants to touch him to go jerk off. It is only an uphill battle from here. You should never have to second-guess if you are special to anyone. Ever. I would turn down sex from a real woman if I didn't find her attractive. I'd also turn her down if sex with her is boring and not worth the effort. And yes, it's healthy to choose porn over a real woman (but in libkur's case, her man is acting unhealthy): porno women don't say, "I feel like all we ever do is have sex"; they don't get pregnant by mistake; porno is free; there is no need for foreplay; once you turn off the porno, the woman is gone, she's not still there in yer bed; can't get stds from watching a porno; she won't squeal on you, gossip about your sex game, or mind if you rewind; no nagging; no need for contraceptives; you've already got taped versions of the pornstar having sex, no need to tape it yerself; etc. A guy is not always going to want to bang the same woman all the time, no matter how real she is. And it's hard to refute that porno basically cures all the men's problems regarding sex and women. P.S. Thanks You'reAsian for answering for me.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 If that is the case, then a man should not enter into a monogamous relationship with a woman who's values differ, right? It is not fair to either. If someone thinks porn is cheating, then how is it not cheating to her? And as for the boring and uninteresting/unattractive woman, I was referring to the guy not wanting to be with his girlfriend instead of porn, not a guy turning down every random woman he could sleep with before choosing porn. And if porn solves everything, then why get involved with us? Why get involved with someone who isn't interested in it. Either find a girl that is, or just stick to your porn. The guys that want to have it first and foremost and just treat women as their personal amusement part should have no part in a relationship with a girl that wants to maintain higher standards. No girl should be put through that pain. And YES IT IS PAINFUL
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 -He choose porn over me Yes, this is normal In that case, I think I'd be voting with the 'normal' ones too!
You'reasian Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 If that is the case, then a man should not enter into a monogamous relationship with a woman who's values differ, right? It is not fair to either. If someone thinks porn is cheating, then how is it not cheating to her? And as for the boring and uninteresting/unattractive woman, I was referring to the guy not wanting to be with his girlfriend instead of porn, not a guy turning down every random woman he could sleep with before choosing porn. And if porn solves everything, then why get involved with us? Why get involved with someone who isn't interested in it. Either find a girl that is, or just stick to your porn. The guys that want to have it first and foremost and just treat women as their personal amusement part should have no part in a relationship with a girl that wants to maintain higher standards. No girl should be put through that pain. And YES IT IS PAINFUL I prefer to be with a real woman. Just as you prefer to be with a real man. but let's face it, some folks need to nurture their independent sexual side. Men and women. Women love to use toys and there's nothing wrong with that; they can vibrate, spin, be the size of a small child -etc that can't be replicated by normal people. Porn is the same thing for us guys.
Stung Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I prefer to be with a real woman. Just as you prefer to be with a real man. but let's face it, some folks need to nurture their independent sexual side. Men and women. Women love to use toys and there's nothing wrong with that; they can vibrate, spin, be the size of a small child -etc that can't be replicated by normal people. Porn is the same thing for us guys. You're arguing with women whose men regularly turn them down for sex because they prefer porn, who sit and whack off to porn all day instead of leading productive lives, and I find it hard to imagine you can have zero sympathy for that. I have a couple of vibrators I use on occasion but my husband would be hurt if I shot him down sexually repeatedly because I preferred my little machines to his human techniques...it would be a real blow to his ego, and understandably so. Anyway, I'm not wading into a porn-is-bad thing here BUT I'm not sure there is a 1:1 correlation between men's porn and women's sex toys. If a porn movie = a vibrator, then where do FleshLights and RealDolls fit in? Supposedly they also provide physical sensations difficult to achieve with a real woman's body, just as vibrators and giant dildos do not exactly replicate the experience of sex with men. Porn is different, mental.
Peter Attis Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Fleshlights and RealDolls are for people that don't have girlfriends.
Stung Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Fleshlights and RealDolls are for people that don't have girlfriends. <Shrug> You can find people who will argue that that's what porn should be for, or that's what dildos and vibrators are for (generally inserting 'boyfriend' in place of 'girlfriend' for that one). You'll also find people who insist that only perverts would ever use a FleshLight or a RealDoll, ever, and others who want to use those and be with real women concurrently. Everybody has different boundaries and sexual priorities. To get back to the OP, if you care about this guy it's worth looking into the depression angle, perhaps he needs help, some support and motivation or even therapy. Being out of work can be hard on the self-esteem and demotivating for many. However, the fact that you two clearly have different sexual priorities and boundaries will still be a problem. It's not good that he lies, and it's also not good that you try to control him. My guess is that there's simply too much incompatibility here.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Actually oddly enough I really hate vibrators... not trying to prove I am "holier than thou" or anything like that, my husband used to like that but I find they just leave me raw and the sensation of uncircumsized flesh is far superior, except that it sometimes doesn't last as long as I'd like. I do think it is sad that so many guys are so hooked on porn.
meerkat stew Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 So he's giving you sex twice a day and jacking off too? Impressive, bet his prostate is pure as the driven snow. If he's doing you twice a day, where's the problem? Sounds like what he does in his spare time is his business, and business is booming. The lazy video gaming aspects you describe are troublesome, but have nothing to do with lying or using porn, which is how you chose to title the thread, so don't blame folks for focusing on that.
skydiveaddict Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 [quote=libkur;Simply put it, he would look at porn instead of having sex with me. I get it, guys want variety, it's hot, it's fun. But he had a huge 500+ image collection from girls he spoke to online, weird celebrity edits of celebrity faces onto pornstar bodies, and I got extremely creeped out. . I've said it before, I'll say it again. Porn is an unhealthy, distorted view of human intimacy. I know most men on here will disagree with me. But facts are facts. Pornography destroys relationships. "Variety" has nothing to do with it. You have every right to be "creeped out", I'd be worried if you weren't "creeped out"
Twenty-ten Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 If I didn't have internet access I know there are magazine stores that sell porn mags; stripclubs; watching pay-per-view when my girl is not out; I have a secret stash of porno vids for just such emergencies; I can ask friends to help me out; porno pics in some of my textbooks; etc. I got myself covered. Judging by what you told me about your boy I'm damn sure he's got some other way to get porn that you don't know about. WTF!?!? What are you waiting for the porno holocaust? Libkur, you are not only going out with a child you are going out with a wanker poster child. I see no good future for this relationship. Yes men use porn from time to time, but this is toxic. He masturbates next to you to porn while you are in bed and spends his time making paper dress up, or is it dress down down dolls, by creating mash-ups of celebs and porn pics? He has severe mental issues that you will not be able to fix. This will only get worse, you deserve a real guy not this poor excuse of a human being. Sorry to be so blunt but you sound so sweet and he sounds like a gross mess. You have every right to feel as you do.
soulm8 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Trying to control or change him will never work. Cut your losses and move out. My exhusband and I had issues with porn, and it contributed to our demise. He was NOTHING like your guy though... seriously... NEXT!!
jenifer1972 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 This guy gets sex 2 x daily, it is not like he is deprived. He sits home for months not looking for a job, but sits in his chair and wacks off all day, and also wacks off to porn with his girlfriend sleeping beside him. How can any of you guys say this is ok and being a man? Are you TWELVE years old for God's sake? Commenting that such behavior is normal and should be tolerated is not remotely helpful to the OP. Basically, you should leave a guy like this. This behavior will not change. The 500+ pictures of wh***res he has talked to, and that should be a red flag too, are just the tip of this iceberg....
Peter Attis Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I've said it before, I'll say it again. Porn is an unhealthy, distorted view of human intimacy. Prove it. Pornography destroys relationships. Prove it.
soulm8 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Prove it. Porn was a major contributor to the breakdown of my 14 year marriage.
skydiveaddict Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) Prove it. Prove it. Ask any psychologist Also ask the op and soulm8 what it did to their relationships. As for you, if you like porn, more power to ya. I dont care what you do Edited February 9, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Peter Attis Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Wow, that was such great proof for something that's supposedly a "fact."
soulm8 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 well, it's a fact in MY life. I knew one of you would have an immature comeback... just for the hell of it eh?
Barky Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 well, it's a fact in MY life. I knew one of you would have an immature comeback... just for the hell of it eh? So when you make blanket generalizations, and then somebody asks you to back up those generalizations with something other than your own opinion, that person is being immature? Hmm! I'll say again what I always say: No matter what you or I or anybody thinks of porn, it's here to stay. If you have a problem with it, you are going to continue to have that problem 'til the day you die. If you absolutely cannot date a guy who watches porn, then you're going to specify that up-front. I'm sure there are lots of guys who, for cultural or religious or personal reasons, eschew porn. Though that number is dwindling every day.
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