libkur Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I have known this guy for 2 years. Nah, we weren't ever best friends, but we saw eachother a lot and talked a little every time. Early last Summer, he decided to pursue me. I've always liked him a lot, he was a funny and very nice guy. He was a little too "cool" for me, but we fell extremely hard for each other. We've been together 6 months. We moved in with each other after about 3 months. He's a very responsible guy and goes out of his way to take care of me. I do a lot for him too- I cook, I clean, I can't work (due to personal reasons that I don't care to elaborate on) but I pay my bills on time and take care of all of our pets. Simply put it, he would look at porn instead of having sex with me. I get it, guys want variety, it's hot, it's fun. But he had a huge 500+ image collection from girls he spoke to online, weird celebrity edits of celebrity faces onto pornstar bodies, and I got extremely creeped out. I asked him to stop looking at porn, because yes, I personally consider it cheating. I don't rub my bits to other guys and I KNOW it would bother him if I did, so there is no way in hell he is going to do that with me. My ex boyfriends had no problem putting away the porn while they were with me, including in my longest relationship that lasted over a year. Sadly, he passed away. So what the f*ck is this guy's problem? It's toxic to our relationship because he LIES. Lying is something I don't tolerate. I'd wake up and find him jacking off to girls in bikinis on my xbox, while I'm lying next to him nude. He actively chose it over me. I see no place for porn in our relationship. I hate to be rude, but I am way out of his league. I'm an attractive, funny, and intelligent person who has far more maturity than he does. We have sex at least twice a day and I do whatever he asks me to do, even tying me up, anal sex, all sorts of wild and kinky ****. So, early January, we talked. I told him, porn or me. I gave him so many chances. I told him he could look at it when I'm gone, but he broke that too. So now, I don't want it in his life at all. He doesn't need it! It took him about an hour, sighing, putting his hands on his face, basically just acting really confused and hurt. He agreed to keep me. Should I trust him, or should I just leave? God, I love this guy, but he needs to change this awful thing about himself. I changed myself for him, and I have put all the effort into this relationship, whereas all he does is care about naked women. Sorry if I sound bitchy... In real life I'm incredibly quiet and shy about issues. I'm just a bit more aggressive online.
Barky Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 oh goody, another "I hate that my boyfriend likes porn" thread. all he does is care about naked women. That's called "being a man." Get used to it.
counterman Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Okay, judging by what the information you have provided, it will be extremely hard for him to break this habit. I agree lying is bad and also when he is with you he should put all the stuff away. But, seriously, haven't that sort of collection and doing it for so long, it is just hard imagining that he could change. Even if he says, it is just going to be too hard for him I reckon. There is a bigger concern here as he chooses porn over you, which I think is absurd. Having sex twice a day? A lot of guys never get that. I think you deserve someone better.
Peter Attis Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Honey, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero!
Author libkur Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 oh goody, another "I hate that my boyfriend likes porn" thread. That's called "being a man." Get used to it. A man takes care of his responsibilities, like going to work, instead of sitting at home all day jacking off to porn. And he certainly doesn't put it ahead of a woman he says he wants to marry. I guess you're still a boy, mentally.
St. Nick Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 That dude is definitely hooked on porn. He's not going to give it up for you. Trust me. I'm a guy who really loves my porn. I wouldn't even give up my stash for my wife, even if I was married.
Author libkur Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Okay, judging by what the information you have provided, it will be extremely hard for him to break this habit. I agree lying is bad and also when he is with you he should put all the stuff away. But, seriously, haven't that sort of collection and doing it for so long, it is just hard imagining that he could change. Even if he says, it is just going to be too hard for him I reckon. There is a bigger concern here as he chooses porn over you, which I think is absurd. Having sex twice a day? A lot of guys never get that. I think you deserve someone better. He's had half a year and he constantly chooses to do it. I really don't understand. I love porn myself, but when I'm in a relationship and the getting is good, I don't need it. He seems like he NEEDS it, you know? He knows how it pisses me off, and hurts me that he lies, but nah. He decides to satisfy his temporary needs to create a permanent problem. He was jobless for 6 months instead of looking for jobs. While I went to school, he'd sit at home all day with his "masturbation corner" set up as I'd call it- His comfy desk chair, a footrest, and his laptop and laptop charger. And he was supposed to be job hunting!
Author libkur Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 That dude is definitely hooked on porn. He's not going to give it up for you. Trust me. I'm a guy who really loves my porn. I wouldn't even give up my stash for my wife, even if I was married. He has no computer currently and has no access to mine, no more xbox in the house, and he can't order porn on pay-per-view. He has no internet access on his phone and he doesn't cheat on me, which I'm 110% positive of. I let him watch movies with me that have sexy women in them, even nude women or breasts. Hell, even I enjoy it! It's not a problem of, "hey don't look at other women!!!!", it's just porn. He tells me he only gets the urges to look at it when we fight. When he was looking at it a lot, we were fighting a lot. We've hardly been fighting, and he told me he has no more urges. I'm just worried if I can trust him or not.
Author libkur Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Nope, you do not get it. Sorry, I just don't think a selfish man should hurt me for the sake of his temporary orgasm. Honestly, if you love porn and you're a guy, and you're just going to come in here and be a d*ck, don't even bother to post.
Barky Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I do love these threads. The male instinct for sexual variety is something that females will never, never, never fully comprehend. It's fun to watch them try though
Author libkur Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 I do love these threads. The male instinct for sexual variety is something that females will never, never, never fully comprehend. It's fun to watch them try though Did you even read my thread? You really should read it, because it has nothing to do with porn, but his addiction to it and how it is hurting me, our relationship, him, our sex life, and our finances.
Barky Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Did you even read my thread? You really should read it, because it has nothing to do with porn, but his addiction to it and how it is hurting me, our relationship, him, our sex life, and our finances. You've just proven my point
Peter Attis Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Honey, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero! No, seriously. This guy sounds like a bum, porn addiction or not.
Author libkur Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 You've just proven my point -He wouldn't go find a job for six months because he stayed at home jacking off to porn for 8 hours while I was at school -I have had to pay all the bills for 6 months and he has taken me on only 4 dates, not even expensive ones -He choose porn over me, we had 4 weeks where we had no sex because he spent too much time jacking off -First 2 months we were dating he couldn't climax due to death grip Yes, this is normal and healthy, you're right. I like variety too, idiot. I look at other guys a lot, you know. You should try to help instead of trolling- guys like you are a shame and shouldn't be allowed to talk to women.
St. Nick Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 He has no computer currently and has no access to mine, no more xbox in the house, and he can't order porn on pay-per-view. He has no internet access on his phone and he doesn't cheat on me, which I'm 110% positive of. I let him watch movies with me that have sexy women in them, even nude women or breasts. Hell, even I enjoy it! It's not a problem of, "hey don't look at other women!!!!", it's just porn. He tells me he only gets the urges to look at it when we fight. When he was looking at it a lot, we were fighting a lot. We've hardly been fighting, and he told me he has no more urges. I'm just worried if I can trust him or not. Any guy with such a huge stash of porn is gonna find someway to get porn even with the limited options you described. I don't do creepy stuff like photoshop celebrity faces onto pornstar bodies, like your boy there, but I do have a big stash that I am proud of. If I didn't have internet access I know there are magazine stores that sell porn mags; stripclubs; watching pay-per-view when my girl is not out; I have a secret stash of porno vids for just such emergencies; I can ask friends to help me out; porno pics in some of my textbooks; etc. I got myself covered. Judging by what you told me about your boy I'm damn sure he's got some other way to get porn that you don't know about. Now, I'm not telling you all this to get your man in trouble; I'm telling you this so you can WAKE UP. You're not the first, last, and only woman he's ever seen. You have no right to tell him he can't look at other females. You can't only let him watch boobs and breasts when you're around. You need to get with reality and know that guys dig a plethora of females. He needs to let out his aggression by watching porn. He can't always bang you because the sex would end up being weak and unfulfilling. After watching them chicks on the screen, sex with a real live woman is always better.
Barky Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 You should try to help instead of trolling- guys like you are a shame and shouldn't be allowed to talk to women. lulz.. you're the troll. There is no "help." He's a man, he likes tons and tons and tons of naked women gyrating in front of him. And always will.
Peter Attis Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I don't think you guys get it. There seem to be a lot more underlying issues in their relationship than just his viewing porn.
St. Nick Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 -He wouldn't go find a job for six months because he stayed at home jacking off to porn for 8 hours while I was at school -I have had to pay all the bills for 6 months and he has taken me on only 4 dates, not even expensive ones -He choose porn over me, we had 4 weeks where we had no sex because he spent too much time jacking off -First 2 months we were dating he couldn't climax due to death grip Yes, this is normal and healthy, you're right. I like variety too, idiot. I look at other guys a lot, you know. You should try to help instead of trolling- guys like you are a shame and shouldn't be allowed to talk to women. Oh, you should have shed light on this sooner with your first post. I didn't read your subsequent responses so I missed this part. I apologize. Anyway, irregardless of whether or not he has a porno addiction, the fact is that he's lazy. It doesn't matter if he's sitting home watching porn or just playing internet solitary. It's his laziness that is causing him to be such a porno addict. He's got way too much time on his hand. He should be looking for a job. I'm with Peter on this, you gotta dump him. It's for the best. Love or no love.
calizaggy Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 He sounds like a complete loser. Video games, not working, and wacking off all day.. great catch.
You'reasian Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I don't think you guys get it. There seem to be a lot more underlying issues in their relationship than just his viewing porn. Sounds like her guy is currently unemployed. Not a suprise given the current state of the economy - lots of folks unemployed for months and some whom have either stopped looking or chose other jobs just to meet the bills. The last time in recent history that we had a recession this bad was in the 1970's - the last recession other than that was in 01-03 time frame. For a better sitrep, check out the business section here to see some more personal stories about unemployment woes.. The recession can cause people to get in depressed moods. My uneducated guess is that this guy has probably stopped looking for jobs, like millions of others at the moment and is probably in a funk. Porn is one of this guys sources of pleasure and he's indulging in it? For the OP - men are going to look at porn, no matter - some look at it less when in a relationship, but he may be looking at it just to make himself happy during rough times. My suggestion would be to get him active so he's not staying in all day and whacking it. Best of luck.
counterman Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Yes, definitely keep him active i.e. moving about and exercising. Get him up and doing other things. He is indulging in porn a lot because he might be feeling a bit down, might be bored, might be horny all the time and probably other reasons. I wager that even when he doesn't feel that drive, he still does it. Don't expect too much change to fast (if any change is going to happen).
You'reasian Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 He sounds like a complete loser. Video games, not working, and wacking off all day.. great catch. OP, can you get him to sell his video game system? That way he can pay for something. I'll buy. Haven't owned one for a number of years now and am thinking of getting one lol
RobM Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Seriously, why are you trying to change this guy, just admit you made a mistake picking him and dump him, then move on.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 The part that gets me is not the "right" or "wrong" of the whole porn thing, it is the fact that this guy is not respecting his lover's feelings. WTF does it matter whether or not it is the right thing to do or not. If the guy said he is going to give up porn and then doesn't REPEATEDLY, then he is a liar without any respect. Every woman sets up boundaries to feel sexually safe, special and respected. This guy is trouncing on them. And WTF can guys supposedly not live without the stuff? What the hell did guys do 100 years ago without the internet, just wither away and die?
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