I'mConfused Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Hi Folks, Sorry not to be concise but truly struggled to condense further. I Hope I'm in the right section I probably qualify for more than one. My wife left recently after 24 years of marriage, not a large fight or anything but things had been difficult, no misdemeanours on either side and generally we parted in an amicable fashion. Soon after an Ex-Girlfriend. I have had not seen for more than 2 decades has come back into my life, miracles of the internet. The Lady in question has 3 Teenagers 12-16 yrs range. I have no experience with teenagers or any other children. As you can imagine, I am concerned about this (to me) complex situation. I had felt stuck and unhappy in my previous marriage but also my ex now appears to regret her decision, again this has all been a very amicable process, a slow puncture over a 10 year period. I guess really this breaks down into 2 problems: 1 – My complete lack of experience and no little trepidation about my role within this new unit- However the old flame was always the love of my life. 2 – My feeling guilty, for no other reason than I know my ex regrets leaving, sympathy for her The options are to learn lots about teenagers or return to a unfulfilling marriage. I was not otherwise inclined to date etc. Advice would be welcome particularly from anyone who has similar experience of suddenly being immersed into a family without prior skills or know how.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) It sounds to me that you did not completely finish one relationship before starting another. That's a ‘serious misdemeanor' in my book. Makes it very hard to think clearly, with proper intention and direction. That's very common though here on LS I suppose. As far as figuring out the teenagers, you sound logical and intelligent enough that with some research and common sense, you should hopefully figure that out. It won't be easy at all. Girls are those ages are known to have very rocky relationships with their own birth parents... but I believe it can be navigated with the right amount of patience and the right intentions and research. Get to the library and get reading! By the way, I think there is a third option, which is to remain out of any romantic relationship for at least a year or two before even beginning to think about another woman in your life. Good Luck. Edited February 9, 2010 by She's_NotInLove_w/Me
Author I'mConfused Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Wife leaves takes anything and everything she desired, wiith my blessing, conversations about divore but no lawyers until required. Raltionship Over! As one is apt todo in times of stress and anxiety I reached out to many friends and some in this case a new old friend. Time Passes MY Ex is now sufering and this is painful to me. Perhaps re-read the post in full!
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 If your wife has no problem with a divorce, I cannot imagine that a legal divorce would take all that long... And though I am not trying to attack you personally, I still think it's always best to end one relationship in its entirety before starting another. But of course that's just my opinion; I am certainly entitled to it.
Author I'mConfused Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Ok, I think I understand. You are talking about ending the emotional entanglement before embarking onto the other, I can see that point. I had thought you to be inferring that we had in some way broken trust while living together. Sorry if I seemed defensive, it was the early hours here and had been wrestling with the issue for quite sometime, as most visitors here must. Basically I am still saddened by the difficulties she is having. So in that sense we still have an emotional entanglement! If we hard parted in a fireball of conflict rather than the calmer way that this occurred, probably that might be easier
mark982 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 confused, you haven't even given yourself a chance to grieve, or enjoy your new found freedom. hell just kick up your heels and experience different things. worlds changed since you first got married.
Angel1111 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I say let your xW live with her decision. If you get back together, the exact same dynamics will happen all over again. Ugh. Why not just spend time with your new gf and enjoy her company, and the fun that can come with having teens around. They can be really cool and fun if they've been raised well. They're such high energy, they can be refreshing to be around. Just be a friend to them. If you end up staying in their lives for years to come, then you can be that male figure that they can look up to. Just treat them like intelligent people and you'll do fine with them. If you're thinking about moving in with your gf, I don't recommend that at all. Just have fun dating her and getting to know her kids whenever the opportunity presents itself.
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