MARINE_ONE Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well my stbxw didn't return home to the kids again today. Kids aren't sure if she is coming tomorrow or not. However, I learned she won't b travelling to see her MM this weekend which sadly makes me happy since this means he is probably spending the valentines day with his wife. My stbx is apparently oblivious to this fact. Am I pathetic that it makes me happy she will not be with him on V-day? I want her to be happy. I mean heck, I did love her for so long and have kids with. However, I don't want her happiness to be found with this loser. And I really don't think she will ever be trully happy with him since in the back of her mind she will always have to wonder if he is cheating on her since that is how their relationship started. Hell, I would think she would always wonder about his wife.( he does have kids with her) Oh well, I have to quit thinking about this stuff. I wish I could stop wanting them both to be miserable. I know it is a waste of my thoughts and not helpful in my recovery.
stampdaddy Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 you are correct sir! It IS a waste of time. Human nature, yes, but a complete waste of time.. STOP putting those thoughts and feelings ABOVE good ones for YOU and your CHILDREN.. Don't spend one more second with it. FORCE yourself to think DIFFERENT thoughts. That's all I got
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well my stbxw didn't return home to the kids again today. Kids aren't sure if she is coming tomorrow or not. However, I learned she won't b travelling to see her MM this weekend which sadly makes me happy since this means he is probably spending the valentines day with his wife. My stbx is apparently oblivious to this fact. Am I pathetic that it makes me happy she will not be with him on V-day? I want her to be happy. I mean heck, I did love her for so long and have kids with. However, I don't want her happiness to be found with this loser. And I really don't think she will ever be trully happy with him since in the back of her mind she will always have to wonder if he is cheating on her since that is how their relationship started. Hell, I would think she would always wonder about his wife.( he does have kids with her) Oh well, I have to quit thinking about this stuff. I wish I could stop wanting them both to be miserable. I know it is a waste of my thoughts and not helpful in my recovery. I'm not concerned about YOUR recovery as much as I am concerned about your kids... this is soooooo sad... children are the ones left in the middle not knowing exactly what is happening.. So sad to have irresponsible parents... nevermind her.. take care of your kids and then you.. and ... ps.. it is normal to want them to be miserable..
cuppa Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well my stbxw didn't return home to the kids again today. Kids aren't sure if she is coming tomorrow or not. However, I learned she won't b travelling to see her MM this weekend which sadly makes me happy since this means he is probably spending the valentines day with his wife. My stbx is apparently oblivious to this fact. Am I pathetic that it makes me happy she will not be with him on V-day? I want her to be happy. I mean heck, I did love her for so long and have kids with. However, I don't want her happiness to be found with this loser. And I really don't think she will ever be trully happy with him since in the back of her mind she will always have to wonder if he is cheating on her since that is how their relationship started. Hell, I would think she would always wonder about his wife.( he does have kids with her) Oh well, I have to quit thinking about this stuff. I wish I could stop wanting them both to be miserable. I know it is a waste of my thoughts and not helpful in my recovery. Not pathetic but it's not healthy and you are right, this is not helpful in your recovery. It will take time to completely let go and I wish you the best to move forward with this. It seems that you know what the right solution is. Did you do Individual Counseling? A good therapist might be able to help you with this.
SleepingDog Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Don't be so hard on yourself. This has only just happened, you'll be out of the running for quite a long time. You can't expect it just to go away. I don't think it is pathetic at all to be happy at their misery. Look what she did to you! It'll take time, lots o time, before you are on the rails again.
jwi71 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Am I pathetic that it makes me happy she will not be with him on V-day? I want her to be happy. I mean heck, I did love her for so long and have kids with. However, I don't want her happiness to be found with this loser. Nah. That's normal. She hurt you with him and you don;t want to "lose" to him. In time and as you distance yourself from the A and your stbxw...you won't care WHO she ends up with. And I really don't think she will ever be trully happy with him since in the back of her mind she will always have to wonder if he is cheating on her since that is how their relationship started. Hell, I would think she would always wonder about his wife.( he does have kids with her) Don't worry about that them. The chances aren't good. Will she wake up some night alone and face the devastating reality of your loss...maybe. Maybe not. It doesn't matter anyways but I get the whole validation thing. Oh well, I have to quit thinking about this stuff. I wish I could stop wanting them both to be miserable. I know it is a waste of my thoughts and not helpful in my recovery. Yes...quit thinking about it. And yes, its a normal phase. Get some IC and reflect about her, your M, him and soon it gets better (as you learn and realize things you haven't) Know what else you should get? 2 boxes of condoms from Sam's and a ten day trip to Bangkok. Great for the...uh..."soul".
RedDevil66 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Considering the pettiness of liars and cheats, UMMMM, no you're not petty. Your normal for having feelings like this. Hurt brings thoughts to us that are not always rational. Go easy on yourself
Ronni_W Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I want her to be happy. ... I wish I could stop wanting them both to be miserable. I know it is a waste of my thoughts and not helpful in my recovery. Perhaps the real waste of your "thinking resources" is the inner conflict that you've apparently got going on? I agree that it's okay -- kind of 'normal human behaviour' -- to wish a certain level of "not happy" on her, him and them. It doesn't have to be a permanent wish but, admitting that it is your current-temporary, may help you 'graduate' to the next level of your recovery. [so] Why not figure out what is your strongest current desire, and be honest with yourself about it? That is, make up your mind if, for right now, you really do, or really do not want her to be happy...and maybe then you won't have to waste any more thoughts on the topic? Sorry you're going through it. Sending hugs, and good healing.
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