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My ex who needs space - but says she eventually wants to get back together

cg27

By cg27
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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cg27 Member

cg27

Posted
Posted

My ex emailed me today. I wrote her a short email the other day explaining a few things. She basically needs space, and wants me to let her come to me.

 

This is what she wrote in the email it is clear, but also confusing at the end.

 

I want to hold on, but I feel like I will be waiting a very long time. I am not ready to be in a relationship right now, but after healing for a few months if she is not ready. I will be moving on.

 

I see it as a way of here trying to say goodbye, act like there cold be a future when there won't be, and her not having the heart to tell me there is no future.

 

Here is what she wrote:

 

Thank you for this email. It was very thoughtful of you to write to me this way and tell me all that you did in the email and on the phone these past few weeks. I think about you quite often and wonder how things would be. I am glad we have talked and we are making headway in the changes in our life. I know we have both learned from what has happened for when we were together and apart. I know things will improve and putting anything in a timeline is impossible right now. Enjoy what we did have that was positive, try to figure out what was the problem and what we can do to fix things. I am your friend and always will be whether together or not. I am here for you whenever you need to talk. I like the idea of coffee or walking once in a while. I will let you know when I am ready for this but please don't me or it hinder the changes and growth you are making. I appreciate you and always have. You are one of my best friends and don't forget that :)

I hope you have a wonderful day and thank you again for this very sweet and informative email. It really touched my heart after reading it. :)

I still dream about you, I still remember all the good time we shared, I love listening to all the songs that remind me of us. I know you love me, and I love you.

 

 

I will talk to you sooner than later!

sean1 Established Member

sean1

Posted
Posted (edited)

hello cg,

 

sounds to me as if you have already broken up.

 

shes very smart in how shes worded things there but several times she used the word FRIEND.

 

it sounds to me you have to follow thegood old n/c. you need to just not talk to her now. let her make her mind up on things. if she is only seeing you as a friend then you will not be able to get back with her. read the topics on being friends with exes. it never works out. i know myself.

 

it does sound like she still has feelingfor you to. but dont be fooled by this. i know its hard to hear but shes keeping you as a safety net. you need to understand sh wants you there just incase.

 

my advice would be not to text her...or reply to her. let yourself heal a bit. its strange situation to be in. but if you expect the worse ie that your finished and never going tosee her again. things can only ever gat better. your holding onto the hope that she will take you back. tbh it sounds like she wants you as number 2 my friend.

 

she is letting you go in the nicest way possible. shes giving false hope which will only devastate you in time to come

 

good luck! :)

Edited by sean1
GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted

Ususally "space" means they are trying to widen the space between them and you so they can narrow the space between them and someone new. Sorry for your loss as I said in a earlier post:

 

It most likely over, and even more likely she has her eyes on someone else. The best thing you can do is go complete NC and focus on yourself. Anything else lets her have her cake and eat it too, allow you to be here safety date if she does not find anything better, and most importantly leave in in limbo to delay your healing.

 

Read and do ALL of the following:

So you want a second chance?

 

Good Luck

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

Posted
Posted

Sorry to say it my friend, but she's officially enrolled you at "friendzone university'. The "I need space" line is almost always the kiss of death for a relationship.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

Yep...this is pretty much over...

  • 3 weeks later...
vanilla87 Established Member

vanilla87

Posted
Posted

I'm going to break down the email and translate what she really means... time to school you a little in girl speak...

 

Thank you for this email. It was very thoughtful of you to write to me this way and tell me all that you did in the email and on the phone these past few weeks.

-Alright didn't mind hearing from you, but she still respects you on some level, not sure which one, but she still kind of respects you.

 

I think about you quite often and wonder how things would be.

- you initiated contact, which brought up old memories she didn't think about till you contacted her...

 

I am glad we have talked and we are making headway in the changes in our life. I know we have both learned from what has happened for when we were together and apart.

- basically she has grown emotionally from everything she went through with you, but more so she has grown away from you on some level too.

 

I know things will improve and putting anything in a timeline is impossible right now.

- when anyone says this, they are Bulls******g the listener/reader. No one ever gives that unless they are living in an impossible fantasy or they have moved on.

 

Enjoy what we did have that was positive, try to figure out what was the problem and what we can do to fix things.

- she is basically telling you to not be mad at her and fix whatever went wrong, BUT don't expect the big door prize you want, it's probably something on a platonic level of sorts...

 

I am your friend and always will be whether together or not.

- hope you saw that I made the word "friend" bold, because you are just a FRIEND and nothing more. No girl uses that unless she really sees the guy as just a friend or they have always been platonic nothing happened but wants something to happen with him.

 

 

I am here for you whenever you need to talk.

- she probably means when it's something serious, like a death in the family or a car accident, she is only going to be more willing to listen if your life sucks.

 

I like the idea of coffee or walking once in a while.

- she is just humoring you on some level... kind of messed up I guess, but she doesn't want to shoot you down too much.

 

I will let you know when I am ready for this but please don't me or it hinder the changes and growth you are making.

- basically, do nothing. Stay away from her, give her all the space she wants. And under no circumstances, contact this woman! She is trying to tell you that she needs the space or you could drive her away forever.

 

I appreciate you and always have. You are one of my best friends and don't forget that I hope you have a wonderful day and thank you again for this very sweet and informative email.

- Damn! She called you a best friend! Unless you two were best friends for years beforehand, you really got friend zoned like whoa! She did think your email was sweet, but she is trying to be "nice" and not come off as a mean b***h for letting you down.. hence why she said "and thank you again for this very sweet and informative email."

 

It really touched my heart after reading it.

- yeah it did, but not the same way she touches your heart for having to respond to your email or phone calls...

 

I still dream about you, I still remember all the good time we shared, I love listening to all the songs that remind me of us.

- she still cares about you, but has let you go already. She has moved on and even though the good memories are still on her mind, she probably won't let it be her deciding factor to proceed in being with you...

 

I know you love me, and I love you.

- this is what you tell someone you do love, but have walked away from and moved on...

 

Oh and by the way, did she even sound believable happy on the phone with you? did she sound impatient, like she had other things to do? or did she sound like she actually didn't want the conversation to end?

 

That should give you more clues into knowing what else she wants from you...

adamt Established Member

adamt

Posted
Posted (edited)

Why would someone want to be as far away as possible from someone if they want to ficure thigns out. basically she is testing th water to see if she really prefers to be without you in her life. with 'a break' she can come back if she realises she still have feelings. in most cases she wont. she willhave been thinking about it for a while and probably ready to move on already. the sad bit is the dumpee wants to be with the dumper even more but the dumper is moving further away. not a lot you can do apart from disappear out of their life and hope they miss you enough. meanwhile get busy and focus on what makes you happy

Edited by adamt
nowomanocry Established Member

nowomanocry

Posted
Posted

A written letter full of bo..ox!

 

Move on, do not even think about contacting her. She's trying make you play with her own rules, and no guarantee whatsoever of getting together ... and most of all probably when (if) she comes back it will be because she can't find a better option (you will be a reserve player mate)!

 

Shock her! Do not contact! Even if she does do not pick up calls / or send e-mails. Make her feel that she has not known you whatsoever for all these years! Let her chase you, take control of the whole situation. Trust yourself, love yourself . You deserve better mate!

 

TC

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