I need some he!p !

[ScooterMan]

Here is a quick overview of my marriage: my wife and I have been married for 6 years. We have no children together, but have children from previous marriages. The first few years of the marriage were great. We communicated well, did everything together, sex life was great and we had sex often. The first year we probably had sex 10 times a month. She initiated it almost as much as me. Before getting married, we had a great sex life. I used to travel a lot with my job. A few years into the marriage and just coming home from making an out of town trip for work, she discovered "porn" in my suitcase. She threw a fit and acted like it was the same as me having an affair on her. I really didnt say this, but hey I was out of town and horny, and even though I would never cheat on my wife, it was way better for me to get my rocks off by watching a video than to be out pursuing everything on 2 legs like some people do.

 

Anyhow, after the "porn" episode, she acted completely weird for months. She shut me out, threatened to leave, killed our sex life in retaliation. After months of this I called her bluff and told her how miserable I was and that something had to change. Guess what? She left. Moved in with her parents (we are in our early 30's) and we stayed separated for 3 months. We went through counseling and after the 3 months and near divorce, we reconciled and she moved back in. We immediately started building our marriage to what it should have been and this period lasted a year. At which point we went from making time for each other to where we are at now. At this point in time we still go out for dinner on the weekends, although the conversation isnt much. We still take our kids to do things, even though we are really doing it for just the kids. In the past 12 months, we have had sex 3 times. For the past several years she has been seeing a specialist about problems she is having with her ovaries. This has been going on for 3 years (prior to our short term separation) and when I last asked her about it, she says that she wants to wait until her next doctor's appointment which is more than 6 months away. I have asked her to no end to call the doctor and get her appointment moved up and I have asked to go with her so I can stress concern to her doctor. I will also add that for the past 16 months I have slept on the couch because she "cant stand the snoring".

 

Now we are at the point that she has mentioned 2 times in the past year that she is miserable and doesnt like being married. Days later she says that she was just upset and that is why she said those things. But after not touching my wife consistently for 16 months, a sex life that is all but over and sleeping on the couch for 16 months, I am feeling rejected, unwanted and tricked. If I honestly thought this is how our marriage would have turned in 5 years I would not have married my wife. That is sad to say, but true. Now I dont even know how to bring these things up to her without causing a fight.

 

I am at the point of things either get better, or I will be the one forced to make a decision on the marriage because even though I religiously dont believe in divorce, life is too short to be miserable.

 

I also will throw this into the equation: soon after our "seperation" I noticed several weird phone numbers on her cell phone. 2 of them were men that answered the phone, one weird text said "are you allowed out tonight".....I am wondering if my wife was unfaithful, found the porn and saw it as an easy excuse to get out and get some space to later decide she did love me, but now for whatever reason (regret?) she all but refuses to let me touch her, cant sleep in the same bed and wont have sex with me. There is no more to the story on my end. I feel bad for the porn, but how many men now a days haven't used porn to unload...especially someone working out of town trapped inside a hotel room every night for a week!

 

I also think that if I went home tonight and mentioned divorce, my wife wouldnt fight me over it. But I dont want to end my marriage. I love my wife very much, but I cant be miserable anymore either. Its a choice and its time to make that choice. I dont want to make it all about sex, because it isnt. But the lack of sex is killing other areas in our marriage that are as important. She has went from a wild thing in the bed to a "recluse". She has made many comments lately about being "anti-social". It is also getting old that we work on things for a while, but we always end up right back here, at this miserable place in our relationship.

 

What do you guys think is the best option here?

[2.50 a gallon]

SM

 

Sorry that you are here.

 

I must say it doesn't look good, as it takes 2 to work on a relationship. As for the sex, if her female parts are supposedly out of commission, there are other ways.

 

I too would be suspicious of her activities and the phone calls. Are there times when she has been away, so she could spend time with another?

 

My suggestion would be to carefully and quietly snoop, just so you know where you stand.

 

Gallon

[aimchase]

Scooter,

 

Sorry you're in this situation. I don't mean to be offensive here as I may have a completely wrong interpretation of events, but from your post it appears that you're just trying to justify your actions and criticise your wifes.

 

Your mariage is clearly stale, but what have you actually done to try and resolve that? Have you shown her love, someone she can now trust, care, consideration? I think that's the way forward, the past is the past.

 

She's clearly unhappy, as are you, but you're both still together and there's a chance for you to both to sort this out. You both need to talk about it though and make a considerable effort, not just lull over how bad things are.

 

Again, i'm truly sorry if I got the wrong idea of your relationship but wish you both well going forward.

 

Aim

[ScooterMan]

I took my wife to a day spa last weekend. Spent the entire day together and seemed to have a good time. That ended when we got back home and seemed to be a mile apart again.

 

After dinner one night this week I was yelled after I had cooked dinner and was cleaning the dishes.

 

I dont get it. I am fed up and had enough. I cant be miserable any longer.

 

She obviously has alot of resentment over the porn and withholds sex, emotions and physical contact with me over it. Its more than I can stand. I need to be happy, and this marriage isnt good enough anymore. Life is too short to be miserable, and we have children but from her previous marriage and my previous relationship, so we wont have to go through stuff with the kids if we split up.

[Gunny376]

Personally, I would first like to thank you for reminding me why I'm single and have been married only once.

 

I don't know what you call this? But a marriage its not. The phone messages alone would have been enough for me.

 

I assume your in your twenties to thirties?

 

Sex six times in twelve months? I plugged that equation into my Texas Instruments TI-83 calculator and what came back was ~ "Your kidding me right?"

 

Sleeping on the couch? Oh Hell No! I paid for the bed and the roof over it you can bet I'm going to sleep on it! You don't go to a Motel Six and then go sleep in the parking lot do you?

 

I got to ask you? Your bringing everything to the party? What is she bringing to the party? You need to change the channel and tune into WIFM-FM ~ "What's In It For Me?"

 

She's using you and abusing you. Your her meal ticket, her paycheck and her early retirement plan.

 

But not to worry, come Spring or Summer, just let me know when your out in the front yard cutting the grass and I'll come over and run over you with my 'LarryMobile' and put you out of your misery! Hell I'd even backup and over you a couple of times to make sure you were good and dead ~ AND finally at peace!

 

I'd do it for you Bro ~ because I know you'd do it for me!