mjscott76 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Hello all, I am brand new to the forums and am just looking for some support and advice. This weekend my wife of five years decided she wants to try a trial separation. She moved out and we are trying a controlled separation with scheduled times to talk on the phone and date nights once a week. We are also both going to individual therapy. She says she wants to try to make things work, but it's for me not to feel like this is just the first step on the way to a divorce and she may actually just be using the separation as a way to soften the blow. I am going to give everything I have to the relationship to make it work, but I am terrified that I am just going to put everything out there only to get slammed back down. Any advice anyone has would e greatly appreciated. Thanks!
new_soul Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 From the looks of things, it seems like she already has someone else. My ex did the same thing to me. Whenever a woman moves out and act like she still wants to work things out just know that she is full of it. Women are emotional being if they really wanted to work things out with you they would want to be by your side at all cost. She is seeing someone else does not know how to just end the relationship abruptly so she is using counseling as a way to act like there is an issue that needs to be worked on, while she is getting to know that other guy. If everything goes well with this guy, she will just move on with her life and you will be more confused then you are today. Find out if there is someone else try everything to your power to talk and see if she really has an issue this process usually takes 2-3 weeks. anything beyond that is a waste of your time and you will be lost and confused with emotions. you will start thinking that you are a bad person that's her strategy. Start thinking about how to cope with a divorce because more likely this will be the end result.
WTFO Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 From the looks of things, it seems like she already has someone else. My ex did the same thing to me. Whenever a woman moves out and act like she still wants to work things out just know that she is full of it. Women are emotional being if they really wanted to work things out with you they would want to be by your side at all cost. She is seeing someone else does not know how to just end the relationship abruptly so she is using counseling as a way to act like there is an issue that needs to be worked on, while she is getting to know that other guy. If everything goes well with this guy, she will just move on with her life and you will be more confused then you are today. Find out if there is someone else try everything to your power to talk and see if she really has an issue this process usually takes 2-3 weeks. anything beyond that is a waste of your time and you will be lost and confused with emotions. you will start thinking that you are a bad person that's her strategy. Start thinking about how to cope with a divorce because more likely this will be the end result. Agreed. It's not always the case. But this was how mine was as well. Facebook killed me. However I met somebody 8 months into the 10 months we have been separated and Its like night and day. Keep your eys and ears open. Believe me if there is somebody,you will know. The best of luck to you.
Author mjscott76 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Thanks for the feedback everybody. Certainly not what I wanted to hear, but it's still nice to know there are others who have been similar situations. For now I am trying to follow the advice of everybody on the board and work on making myself better and just seeing what happens with the relationship.
Steadfast Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 What led to the separation? Was it arguing? Financial? Emotional? How old is she and do you have any children? Does she have a history of infidelity, or is there a history of infidelity in the family? Does she have single friends, work mates or someone in her life that recently got divorced or separated? Just a hunch on my part, but I'd bet one or more of the above rings true... There a bunch of red flags in your post, but none bigger than this: She moved out and we are trying a controlled separation with scheduled times to talk on the phone and date nights I'll go out on a limb and assume that your 'agreement' stipulates that you not contact her otherwise? Did she say she needs 'space' or 'time to think'? This schedule may allow her unencumbered time with another man. The above observation by New_Soul is fundamentally accurate; meaning that the law of averages is working against your marriage. The overwhelming percentage of women who leave the home never return. For now, stop trying to please your wife and focus your energy on trying to find out what ahe's doing when you are apart. It's critical to your future. Good luck, try to remain calm and keep us posted. You might want to seek the advice of a lawyer, who will no doubt instruct to you in self protection.
Recommended Posts