ramble on rose Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 New Year's Eve, and I'm getting ready for my date. Have finally felt comfortable enough to accept a date with someone after all my crap. As I'm doing my hair, the phone rings and the number comes up blocked so I don't answer. As I'm driving to meet my date, I listen to the message and it's the ex, wishing me a happy New Year. PLEASE! Every time he contacts me it empowers me more because I know I'm not under his "spell" anymore. When I read posts telling people in my situation not to make contact....it is so TRUE. I don't want to call him or accept his calls. There is great comfort in knowing he is now seeing what he lost when he cheated on me, and knowing that I had the last word.
Tony T Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 Well, I'm very happy you are feeling so good about your new empowered self.
Kat Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 Isn't it great to have the upper hand with someone who i used to having the upper hand on you
Author ramble on rose Posted January 3, 2004 Author Posted January 3, 2004 Yes, Kat...it IS great It's amazing that when you break up with someone you feel your whole life has just been blown up. You feel like utter trash...worthless...confused, etc.....When you finally get tired of feeling that way you come to your senses. I think alot of people place too much of their worth and happiness on their partners. I am guilty of having done this in the past, and when the relationship ends, you're left with nothing but wreckage and misery. I, for one, realized I don't need to do this to myself ON TOP of having to deal with the heartache of the breakup. **** happens. There is always another man/woman around the corner, and a lot of happiness to be found without another man/woman in the picture as well. I decided to let this idiot go and not shed another tear...when I stopped crying and begging for answers and being available...my how the tables turn!! I also realized maybe I didn't love him like I think I did all the time I was with him. Fate works in mysterious ways! Hindsight is the best professor.
Grace Posted January 3, 2004 Posted January 3, 2004 Ramble Rose. I'm so happy for you. It's been 3 months since my ex and I broke up. He wanted space and gave me the stupidest reasons for ending things after 9 mos. of spending practically every day together. We had gotten really close and then unexpectedly ended things. I've left him alone and haven't even contacted him since the breakup. I've had my days where I feel ok as if I'll be able to move on, then I have days where I just break down crying. It still really hurts. I want to get over him so badly. I've even tried dating other men, but it only makes me miss my ex even more. I was doing ok until about 3 weeks ago. It was my birthday and he emailed me a happy birthday and told me a bit of what he was up to. It was as if he was trying to open up to me again and I was so happy. I replied back to his email, hoping that he maybe missed me and wanted to start communications with me again, but all I got was a simple reply back which made me realize he didn't want to start anything. I haven't heard from him since. It's been even more difficult cause of the holiday season. My question is, how long were you two broken up, how long did it take you to get over your ex and how did you do it? I want to be there so badly. I'd also been trying to empower myself, until he contacted me again. For some reason, the email on my birthday made me break down again.
guest Posted January 4, 2004 Posted January 4, 2004 my question is how do you just stop contact and stop feeling for your ex?
Author ramble on rose Posted January 5, 2004 Author Posted January 5, 2004 My question is, how long were you two broken up, how long did it take you to get over your ex and how did you do it? Grace, We were together about a year and we've been broken up only since the beginning of October. I went through hell, crying, contacting, pleading, etc. Finally I realized I had given up almost my entire being for this relationship, walking around in a stunned daze and crying half the time. NOBODY deserves that kind of power over you! That's not to say you shouldn't grieve or feel sad about the breakup - but when it's interfering with you getting on with your life, it's time to consciously force yourself to "snap out of it." I know, easier said than done. I surrounded myself with friends and family when I needed it, and took alot of alone time when I needed that too. Each day that I did not make contact made me feel a teensy bit stronger every day. Usually when exes "check in" with a lame email or phone call, I think it means they are still on the fence and are looking to see if you still are longing for him or her. I still think of the good times with my ex, but I also look at the lessons to be learned from it, so that I don't make the same mistakes in my next relationship, or pick someone who would be duplicitous and unfaithful as he was. I also decided that since crying and being miserable were wrecking me, that I made weekly trips to get a manicure and pedicure, dyed my hair a great new color, and bought some new clothes and makeup. Nothing like a little shopping to cheer a girl up Time provides clarity and strength. If you two were meant to be it will happen that way. In the meantime, take care of YOURSELF. You are worthy of happiness, contentment and love.
dyermaker Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 Originally posted by guest my question is how do you just stop contact and stop feeling for your ex? They are two seperate actions. First, you cease all contact. You don't reach out to them at ALL, and you don't accept them reaching out to you. NO contact. No phone, no e-mail, no text messages, nothing. After that, you come to realize that you are more powerful than you think you are, and you will stop feeling for your ex when you are ready.
texastapper Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 I wrote this message in another forum but nobody replied and it kind of fits here, Can you guys give me a little direction and tell me if I am doing the right thing? I have been apart from my ex for seven months now and I told myself that for the new year I was going to try the no contact thing with her and see if she comes around or not. Obviously I still love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. We spent three years together and since our big break up we have not spent more than a day without contact. So in reality she hasnt had the chance to miss me. Is it too late though to be trying to fix things, or am i doing the right thing by backing off and doing no contact??? Every time we did talk it escalated into an arguement because I wanted things back the way they used to be and she didnt. So I figured me just not talking to her would help us out and let her get her thoughts and things in line as for myself. I know she still cares a lot about me and its been 3 days now since I have talked to her and she has called like 4 or 5 times trying to get ahold of me. I just ignore her calls and try and concentrate on myself. Am I doing the right thing, can someone please give me some direction???????
dyermaker Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 To texastapper, No contact. I know you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, but you deserve to spend the rest of your life with someone who wants to spend the rest of their lives with you. You are doing the right thing, keep at it, and don't look back.
texastapper Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 Thanks, its so very hard to do this and I hope it only gets easier, I think what makes things hard is knowing that this person still really does care for me, but is lost and confused. I just hope this will help things between us get cleared up, either way. I just have to be strong and knock myself off this rollercoaster of an emotional ride. We have been apart for quite sometime, but it still feels like yesterday that everything fell apart. I do want to be with her forever but I want her to be with me because she loves me, not because she feels sorry for me, or that I am guilting her to be. No contact just seemed right!!
Grace Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 Thanks Ramble Rose. Listening to your story makes me feel better. My ex and I also broke up officially at the beginning of October. I also begged him at the time not to do it, which is something I've never done with anyone before. I did let him go though, for my sanity. I'm proud of myself. He didn't want to fully end things, so for 3 weeks he put me on a back burner and didn't want either of us to see anyone else. I didn't like being on a back burner thing, so I really was the one that ended it. He then counteracted my breakup with a breakup saying he was in selfish phase and needed his space and to be fully alone without dating anyone. I let him go and have not contacted him. Anyway, I'm also proud of myself cause when he emailed me for my birthday and told me what he was up to, I emailed him back and told him what I was up to. I told him the truth, which was that my career had taken off and I was doing very well, and that since the breakup I had been very busy working on my craft. It's all true, but I still found time to mourn...he just doesn't need to know that. At first, I thought that telling him about my success pushed him away letting him think that I hadn't cared that we broke up, but then when I get angry, I feel like...good...my life has been great and you weren't important enough to bring me down. It's all so confusing. My emotions are up one minute and down the next. I feel like a yo-yo. I just want to be happy again and get rid of this grey cloud over my head.
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