viennawaits Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I am starting a new thread, since my first one was hijacked by very abusive posters. I will make the story short. I cheated on my husband. I disclosed the affair. I had other short and non-involved affairs beginning about 5 years ago (we have been together for 15). My marriage was sexless for 10 of those years. He is an alcoholic and began drinking again, and even more so after I told him about the affair. So, I'm not looking for sympathy or absolution. Life is what it is. I have not had contact with OM in some months, and he is in a new relationship and also turns out to be an alcoholic. So, I really know how to pick em, right? My husband is now finally sober again. I love him, but have not been in love with him for some time. We were in counseling, but haven't been back since his trip to detox. Part of me wants to make this work. Part of me wants to run away. I tell him what is not working for me (I did this even prior to the affairs), and he says he understands, but things never change. Now, I am doubtful that I can ever get that feeling back for him, or that we can ever rebuild the trust that is needed for a healthy marriage. I do believe that he can stay sober. He did it for 7 years. Has anyone dealt with a triple whammy like this? We've got the affair to deal with. We've got what was a sexless, dull marriage on top of that. He's got his recovery to deal with, and I feel like that always takes the priority, and that our marriage will somehow always be second. Has anyone rekindled a relationship after a long drought? How about the alcoholic husband and your feelings about whether them getting sober is detrimental to your marriage? When do you cut your losses or just decide that there is nothing left to do to make it better?
RedDevil66 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I think you need to get yourself in Al Anon or some sort of therapy. Being with an active addict and having affairs with addicts is part of your make-up and needs to be adddressed You also have recovery to deal with. Dont make any moves on divorce until you get yourself well first
Author viennawaits Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Thanks. That is part of the plan. I have been to Al-Anon before (on the first round with H). I live in Austria now, so I have to work a bit harder to find English-speaking meetings. They are available, so I will start that right away. I know I am an enabler, and I even know some of the root causes. IT will be on the schedule. You are right to say I should wait that out. I guess I just get a bit frustrated with what seems to be time whizzing past me. This has been at least partly bad for soooo long. Mostly, I'd like to hear people's stories of successfully rebuilding their relationships (or contrary experiences, if they have some wisdom to offer).
Passion4Life Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Thanks. That is part of the plan. I have been to Al-Anon before (on the first round with H). I live in Austria now, so I have to work a bit harder to find English-speaking meetings. They are available, so I will start that right away. I know I am an enabler, and I even know some of the root causes. IT will be on the schedule. You are right to say I should wait that out. I guess I just get a bit frustrated with what seems to be time whizzing past me. This has been at least partly bad for soooo long. Mostly, I'd like to hear people's stories of successfully rebuilding their relationships (or contrary experiences, if they have some wisdom to offer). viennawaits , it can be rebuilt if there is a genuine love & desire. Best of luck
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